Around here, we are searching for practical solutions. We leave theory mostly to others. But, we need theory to arrive at solutions that work.
Among our collection of convictions are:
That a couple should make an effort to keep The State out of their marriage, specifically by omitting any “marriage licenses” and probably retaining a legal “nonmarried” status as regards the State. However, a vague and open-ended “cohabitation” is not a good format either, in particular because it does not give enough stability for having children and raising them. In Europe there does seem to be an effective “common law marriage” that involves what we Americans would call long-term cohabitation with children.
Among Americans, there should be some ceremony of “marriage” beyond cohabitation, but that does not involve the State. Probably, there would be some kind of “marriage contract,” which we call a “prenuptial agreement” but might as well be called a “nuptial agreement,” which is probably what it was called in the past. I regard “prenuptial agreements” today as something like a Will. There is a State default process if a person dies without a Will, but it is terrible. So, any one of the middle class or higher should have the marriage equivalent of a Will, or what I am calling a Nuptial Agreement.
Mostly, we are using Nineteenth Century models around here, because they worked, and because they are still part of the cultural memory. However, it is worth looking into the foundations of this more closely. Sigma Frame did a historical review of marriage that has shown lasting worth.
Are Common Law Marriages The Most Bibilical? (June 3, 2023)
But marriages today basically live or die by “common law agreement.” A family survives because a woman is a Good Wife and a Good Mother, and does not blow up her family with cheating/divorce/nagging and all the other ways that a woman can become a pestilence to her husband and children. Yes, there are bad men too, but if we exclude those men driven to find alternatives due to intolerable wives, what percentage of marriages are failing (either through divorce or continued misery) primarily due to men’s fault? I think it is not many, especially among those with a bachelors’ degree, where women initiate 90% of divorces.
Cornerstone 