Women these days seem to be in lalaland. Actually, they were always in lalaland. They’re women! This is why they need men to Tell Them What To Do.
Here is a lovely woman on Lori Alexander’s blog, who quit her career as a doctor to become a stay-at-home Mom.
I am blessed to stay at home while my husband works, and I care for our 20 month old. I just turned 29.
It was always my dream to have a big family, but my parents always told me that “kids ruin your life” and “get your career and have kids later.” So wrong.
I worry now that I am 29 with one child. Am I too old to have a big family? Are three kids possible? I wish I had spent my 20s building up a family. I have so much painful regret. Please can you offer me some advice and wisdom.
Now, I could mention that here’s a woman with eight years of pre-med and medical training, with a new baby, wondering if she can have another baby at Age 29.
Okaaaay.
But, women are getting messages that can be confusing.
Can a woman get pregnant and have a healthy baby, or five, during her 30s?
Yes!
Can a woman have a family, at Age 29?
Maybe not.
If a woman is 29 (or 30, a milestone), and she is single with no prospects (a steady boyfriend likely leading to marriage), then there is a somewhat low chance that she will marry eventually, a precursor to children.
Recently, it has taken a stupid 58.7 months, on average, from first meeting to eventual marriage. This is ridiculous, but that’s the way it is. That means that the women getting married at Age 34 were actually NOT SINGLE at Age 30 (on average), but had already become a couple with the man they eventually married.
So we can see that if you are single at Age 29, your chances of marrying in time to have children (more than one) is perhaps not so hot, although the exact probabilities are debated. For example, this 1985 study of white college-educated women found that women Age 30 who were still single had only a 20% chance of getting married.
This was in the 1980s. It is so much worse now.
We saw that in the 1990s, only 42% of high-earning career women (like doctors) over 40 had children, way below the 85% rate for the Non-Hispanic White population as a whole.
So, if you are Age 29 and still single, and a college-educated career-type woman, the odds really are not so hot.
This means that you can’t just “let things happen,” because usually nothing happens.
I suggest this: tell people that “I want to have a family of six children, and be a stay-at-home Mom.”
This helps men figure out if you would want to have a family and be a stay at home Mom — which most careerist women do not.
This is actually a very different message than the typical career girl who says: “I want to get married so I can check off that box on my careerist resume,” with of course no thought to being a Stay At Home Mom. Barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen? You gotta be joking!
Some guy might just step up and say: “Boy have I got a deal for you.”
Also, a woman should forget about all the cultural norms that lead to 58.7 months passing between meeting and marriage. Get it done in Six Months or pass. Maybe a year if you dawdle. Some people take a year to plan a wedding! This is nonsense. It’s just a party. Buy some good wine and have a good time.
For men, there are a lot of good women out there who would probably like an offramp from the highway of careerist childlessness. I don’t know about this woman’s “body count,” but she told Lori Alexander that she has never actually tasted an alcoholic beverage, and never took birth control.
If a woman is coming off a ten-year “hoe phase,” then pass.
Cornerstone 