A single-earner household, and a stay-at-home wife, should be your goal. Otherwise you are going to neglect the children; and probably, your wife will be unhappy. There will be too much work for everyone.
Nevertheless, sometimes couples feel like they have to have two incomes, at least for the time being. I think this is reasonable particularly early on, possibly before children, when the goal is basically to pay down debts or maybe buy a house. But, if you are going to take a few years and get your finances in shape, that also means marrying early. Among other things, it is a lot cheaper for two people to live together, in their twenties. You can’t do that when you marry at 32.
When a woman earns significantly more than her husband, probably it is not going to work very well to try to be the big boss when it comes to the family’s money. Probably you are going to have a sort of council. But, in most cases, the woman earns about the same, or less, than the husband.
In general, the process should be that Her Money Is Your Money. Basically her earnings go into a common fund (joint bank account), mostly controlled by you. If necessary, you quickly move the money out of this account into an account controlled by you exclusively, so that she has no access to it. Or, perhaps, use these funds quickly to pay down expenses, such as mortgage and car debt, so there is little left in the account. She gets basically a monthly budget — a regular weekly or biweekly transfer to an account controlled by her.
Control the Money
Your Money Is His Money
I think a wife can own some significant assets for herself. Mostly, this is retirement accounts, including employer 401(k)s, and Individual Retirement Accounts. She might also have a personal automobile, if you have two automobiles. But otherwise, I would put all the other assets — notably, the house — in the name of the husband only.
The husband then makes all the necessary payments, notably house and car, and paying down any outstanding debt. A wife can make a few purchases on credit cards, but she must pay for these out of her monthly budget. If a wife becomes undisciplined in her credit card usage, her cards are cancelled. The husband also makes contributions to the wife’s retirement accounts, preferably maxing those out if possible. A wife can also have some personal savings, outside of retirement accounts, but probably not more than $10,000 or so. Also, assets that a woman brings to marriage, notably inheritances, can remain in her control, although perhaps it is best also to at least oversee these.
A man should lay out, before marriage, his expectations in this regard. Of course his long-term expectation is that his wife will not be working at all. Probably some women will balk at these terms. It does not conform to today’s Feminist expectations. But, besides that, a woman suffers no particular hardship from these terms, except perhaps a limitation on excessive spending. Of course she can always ask her husband for whatever she might want; and if it is reasonable, and does not conflict with some other higher-priority goal, she will almost always get it. If a woman continues to balk and complain, then we can simply categorize her as unfit to be a wife. Don’t marry her.
If a woman wants to act independently, then let her be independent. She is not willing to act in a cooperative endeavor. Always refuse “My money is my money, but your [the husband’s] money is our money.” What then is the point of her working?
Women like to balk and complain, and then be told what to do. Don’t disappoint her.
Unfortunately, this idea is so foreign to most men, that it might be hard to come to grips with it. But, men will have to do so, and early, before they get married.
Cornerstone 