There’s nothing wrong with being 32 and single, if you don’t want to have children and a family (that is, a husband and children). You can just “have fun,” or work on your career, or whatever it is that single women do in their thirties.
But, a lot of women finally figure out that they want children and family. Remember, about 92% of all White women actually do get married, or they have, until now. This does not even count the women who wanted to get married, but didn’t. Mostly, they want to get married because they want to have children.
Let’s say that you wanted to get married. What to do then? Well, whatever you have been doing hasn’t worked very well, or you would not be single — that is, not only unmarried, but without even a significant boyfriend. Many women get to 32 and find that they have not even had a significant boyfriend, ever. If they are not outright sluts (many are not), they have been in Side Chick Rotation.
Mostly, men should not marry women over 26. These women are just bad risks. There is not much chance of success, and terrible consequences for failure. So, a woman who wants to get married after age 32 needs to be significantly different than all the other women in a similar situation.
Let’s look at some of the factors that make these women bad risks.
Thug spawn. Single moms with children — a large portion of all unmarried women over 30.
Sluts. Also a large portion of all women over 30. One problem with sluts is that they are still sluts after you marry them. Sluts gonna slut. Expect rampant cheating. No man needs this kind of trauma in his life, especially when children are involved.
Incapable of pair-bonding. Even women who were never really sluts, but always wanted a serious relationship (although rarely getting it), typically have destroyed their pair-bonding potential by 30. The general rule for women is: three sexual partners for every year she lives alone. This is roughly the median. Three is not very much. For many women, it means a hookup which was a bad idea; two failed attempts at forming a lasting relationship via “dating” that turned into little more than a hookup, and 362 nights of solitude. This is not very much for a young woman with itchy panties, compared to the monogamous young wife of the same age who is getting pounded four nights a week. Any actual woman might have ten times more than the median, or one-tenth as many. Some women are actually virgins at 30. But, men assume that all women will lie about “their number,” except perhaps the virgin. Pair-bonding potential in women tends to disappear after five sexual partners.
Married to the corporation. Her real marriage has already been established. A man is just a disposable sperm donor and ATM machine.
Feminist horseshit. There’s a reason she’s still single.
So, I would say to a 32yo woman who wants to get married, that you must be significantly better than all the other 32yo women who want to get married. Many will actually get married, but most husbands will regret this decision. They are, actually, unfit for marriage. “Significantly better” also means: significantly different — not only different than other women, but significantly different than your own past behavior which is obviously not working. You want not only to get married, but also to be the kind of wife that a man is happy to be married to. I don’t mean “theoretically,” but actually. After all is done, when you are 70 years old, you want your husband to be able to look back and say: “she was a good wife.” This applies even to those men who were bad husbands. When you are 70, he should be able to look back and say: “I was a piece of shit, and everything that happened was my fault, because she was always a good wife.”
I do not want to be the guy who enables a bunch of unfit women to make men miserable by marrying them, wreaking chaos and destruction along the way. If you can’t be a Good Wife, then please stay single.
Find a man who will marry you. This is different than “find a man,” or “find a man who is fun.” A lot of women split their “find a man” efforts into two: Mr. Right, and Mr. Right Now. For Mr. Right, they have a long wish list. Mr. Right Now doesn’t have any such requirements. The result is that she never actually meets Mr. Right, who doesn’t actually exist; or, if he does, he is not interested in her. Mr. Right is just a fantasy with no practical application. She only has Mr. Right Now. Basically, she is a slut, because even if she doesn’t want to be a slut, Mr. Right Now doesn’t stick around, and she wouldn’t even want it if he did, since he is not Mr. Right at all; so, she has to find a new Mr. Right Now.
This doesn’t work. You have to find a man that will actually marry you. This means a real man — probably not in the Top 10%, because men in the Top 10% don’t waste their time with 32yo leftovers with issues, with a few exceptions of course. Many Top 10% men are not available. They are already married. When they got married, they were not yet a Top 10% man. Even if men in the Top 10% had no standards or preferences whatsoever, and married whatever woman basically at random, even then, only 10% of women would marry a Top 10% man. But, once you add some standards and preferences, then we see that, for the most part, the Top 10% Man is 90% likely to marry a woman in the Top 20%. This leaves only 1% of men for the remaining 80% of women, and 80:1 ratio, assuming even that that man is interested in marriage at all.
I would be very overt about your marriage goals. This will screen out 96% of men (on dating apps for example), but may actually be a plus for those few men that are interested in finding good wives. They want a serious woman, with discipline, not just a “let’s have fun and see what happens” girl. Every man assumes anyway that a woman over 30 wants to get married quickly and have children, even if she claims otherwise.
When you start to meet the Real Men who actually have some interest in potentially marrying you (basically, you are not too ugly or have other upfront disqualifiers, in their view), you will see what your real options are. Let’s say you meet ten men who roughly fit this category. Probably, you will never do better than the top 2-3 of these men, no matter how long you spend at it; for one thing, you are getting older, and if you dillydally for three more years, you will be 35. Your choice is to marry a man like that, or remain single and childless forever.
Plan to be a Good Wife. This is different than having a goal of Getting Married. A lot of women want to get married, and achieve this; and then, they have no idea what to do next. They never wanted to actually be married. Mostly, they drift on their “feelings” and the norms they see around them, which usually means that they are cheating before too long, or making their husband miserable with the usual nagging, complaining and manipulation.
A woman who wants to be a Good Wife will often find it easy to get married also, even if she is not thinking about that very much. It is just something that happens along the way. If you tell a man that “I want to get married,” he thinks: you and all these other leftover girls. If you tell a man that “I want to be a Good Wife,” and you really mean it (because people sense when you are lying, especially the men over 30 that you are likely meeting with), he gets out his phone to record the event, since nobody will believe him otherwise.
I think that even former turbo-sluts, with 100+ sexual partners, can be good wives, but only if it becomes their overriding goal and purpose. This is like an alcoholic who destroys his life, turns it around, and becomes cold sober and a model citizen. He never touches alcohol again, not because he doesn’t like booze, but because he does. These former sluts have lost their natural pair-bonding potential, but they can have a more rational and deliberate sort of pair-bonding, a mature love for their husbands. They can have perfect faithfulness, chastity and devotion for their husbands, because they have made a decision to do so, and stick to it like Ulysses tied to the mast, because they consider it their only hope and salvation in a world that they know is corrupt and fallen. They can be good wives because they make the decision to be good wives, and devote themselves to accomplishing that task, as if their life depended on it.
This is rare. And, it doesn’t happen by accident.
Remember, the goal is to actually be a good wife, not just say that you want to be a good wife, but fail miserably; or, even just forget that you said it at all. A Good Wife doesn’t say “I want to be a Good Wife” more than a few times in her life. What she says is: “I got up early and made breakfast for you.”
Plan to be a Good Mother. A woman who wants only to be a Good Wife may discover that she becomes a Good Girlfriend. She can be pleasant and fun within the context of a childless relationship. A man wants a Wife who will be the mother of his children. She must be a Good Mother. This takes a lot of effort. A woman needs to be prepared to take on this huge task, and to pour effort and energy into it. A lot of women might like to be married, and are even prepared to be Good Wives without the additional strains and demands of children, and then find that they were not mentally prepared at all to be Mothers; much less Good Mothers, which are rare these days. Confused and drained by the demands of child-raising (made far more difficult if she also works), she soon becomes a Bad Wife to her husband, who she blames for her puzzlingly unpleasant condition. She didn’t know that marriage was not an agreement for mutual amusement.
Many women may decide to be a Good Mother after they have children. This is a natural thing. But, it is rarer to find a woman who plans to be a Good Mother even before she is married. Image that you are on a date, and you tell a man that: “I want to be a Good Mother.” Then, you can list what you think this requires. This is a very different experience, for a man, than the woman who makes it clear that she just wants to be entertained while eating a meal that she doesn’t have to pay for.
Decide that you Won’t Get Divorced. I have seen some women whose own parents got divorced, and they dislike it so much that they make the decision to Not Get Divorced, no matter what. It is so easy for a woman to get divorced these days, and with many apparent incentives to do so (although she typically pays the price later), that a woman has to make a special effort to avoid this outcome. She should make this special effort before she gets married. Just decide: I Won’t Get Divorced.
Be willing to sign a prenup. Maybe, even suggest it. It will show that you are serious. Prenups are irrelevant if you don’t get divorced. So, what’s the problem?
If it really doesn’t work out well, then the rules of divorce are: don’t get divorced until the children are out of the house; don’t take any of your husband’s money or assets, but just walk out the door; have an amiable divorce without lawyers or courts involved; make a living on your own.
Be A Babe. There is so little competition these days, with a good 40% of women overweight and obese, and also many women who don’t make even a little effort to beautify themselves, that it is very easy for even an average woman to Be A Babe. For example:
This woman is around 32, and also, nothing special in terms of gifted genetics. She is an average girl. Her picture on the Right is what you get when you make a little effort. Her picture on the Left is, basically, her competition. She might not win a beauty contest, but she is enough of a Babe to be nearly any man’s wife. If you look like the girl on the Left, why should any man waste his time on you? Besides physical repulsion, it shows a lack of self-control and standards — in other words, bad character. A man whose wife looks like the girl on the Left soon discovers that his own children are Fugly too. In practice, an equal 40% of men are just as Fugly, and these men (if they don’t have compensating $$$) will be stuck with these women, and vice versa.
But, nobody is banished to Fugly-town, men or women. It is your own choice.
Plan to Have a Cheap Wedding. A “cheap wedding” looks like this. Maybe you have a ceremony in a church, or maybe somewhere else, like a beach or a park, or your parents’ backyard. Then, you have a party. This party consists of: your immediate family, maybe a few relatives (or not), and a few friends. It should not be more than about 25 people. Hold it at your parent’s house. Let your Mom and your Sister do the cooking. Buy a case of wine. Wear a nice dress, preferably white, preferably not too sexy. Have a good time. Spend no more than $2000 to get a hotel for a week somewhere that you can drive to, and enjoy being a married couple. The total cost, not including the honeymoon, should be under $1000; plus, possibly something for the church.
If you are looking forward to 40 years of Being a Good Wife, a modest wedding like this should be no problem. It will still be a lot of fun, and a whole lot less bother. If you tell a man that you plan to have a cheap wedding like this, he will understand that you are not one of those women (most of them, I think) with princess wedding fantasies; and also, that you will be a frugal wife who knows how to have a good time without spending a lot of money, and not given to princess fantasies after you are married.
2 thoughts on “32 and Single — Now What?”
(1) Be willing to sign a prenup. Nice if possible
(2) Have kids but not that you identify them as a possession
Good piece, btw
The post didnt mention anything about her fertility declining in her 30s. Her eggs are getting older by the day. If she is looking for her first pregnancy in her mid-30s, this spells high risk for her first and all subsequent children she may have for abnormalities.