Finding Each Other

Believe it or not, many young men, if they want to marry (and many do, eventually), want to marry virgins — preferably, young ones, age 18-20.

Very often, these young men are not particularly churchy. But, they are beginning to realize that, if you are going to have any chance of success at all in marriage, you have to get the odds in your favor. Plus, a 20-year-old wife is still going to be young ten and even twenty years later.

This guy used to have ten simultaneous girlfriends. His conclusion?

Unfortunately, women who are virgins are very bad for “dating.” They are for marrying, not “dating.” For “dating,” one common rule is: If she isn’t putting out by Date #3, dump her.

If a man wanted to find a virgin wife, age 18-20, where would he go? You can’t exactly hang around the high school playground, and they can’t even go into a bar until Age 21. Colleges have been considered “off limits” for men over 21, but this may change.

Recently, SigmaFrame and NovaSeeker have been complaining that there seems little alternative to “dating,” and even there — as SigmaFrame relates from his own experience — it can take a hookup to get things going. Even today, fully 60% of young women are virgins when they enter college, but only about 3% are virgins when they are married. Obviously, most men who say they would like to marry virgins are not successful.

I think young women who want to “save themselves for their husband” can find Suitors, but only if she advertises herself as such. In the old days, this was what Debutante Balls were for.

If she is advertising (presenting) herself as similar to all the other girls who are Dating, then she will get no interest. Sexless “dating” was fun when you were 13, but not so much for adults. Courtship is a very different stance. It is not just “no sex before marriage,” but rather, a rejection of the whole Feminist Life Script. A woman who is “saving herself for marriage” must also be seeking marriage, right here and now and not in some distant future, after age 28. She can’t be willing to marry, today, but only some imaginary Prince Charming who will never actually appear, and will never be actually interested in her if they somehow crossed paths. (She can, however, make an active search for men of high social standing, intentionally forcing herself into the attention of wealthy men who would also like a slim virgin bride of 18 without tattoos — very much unlike the dozens of other women vying for his attention.) Otherwise, there is no reason to interact with her at all — she is no good for “dating,” and no good for marrying. Basically, she is a Career Nun. She should be seeking marriage right away, at Age 18 or even forming ties at Age 16, perhaps to be married later. (Courtship, or the process of getting married, may involve going on “dates.”)

I have heard some anecdotes that young women who actively seek marriage at Age 18 have had no problem actually getting married. This is no surprise, since 92% of White women have actually managed to get married, once they finally decide that they want to get married. This even includes those 25% of White women who have children out of wedlock! It includes those 25% of women in their twenties who are not just overweight, but actually obese! It is not that hard, if you try. If you also have the advantages of being 18 years old, with a slim and healthy body, and you pay a little attention to beautification (but not so much makeup), and no tattoos or debt, it should be a slam dunk.

I do not think it is so important that a man be a virgin at marriage. For one thing, a man is expected to be able to support a family, which means that he is probably at least 25. Second, most men do not have that much prior history. Third, the family is not as threatened by a man’s past as by a woman’s. Even men who have a history of cavorting with multiple women — John F. Kennedy or Donald Trump, perhaps — normally do not threaten their marriages and families. This requires a wife of considerable tolerance, but Jackie Kennedy did it, and didn’t get divorced. Among marriages between two people with a four-year college degree, the divorce rate is about 35%, and divorce is initiated by the woman 90% of the time. Probably, divorce is really initiated by the woman about 95% of the time, with the woman making herself so intolerable that the man feels that he must flee for is own survival, or at least, formalize what has already happened de facto, such as for a woman who has left the house. 35%*5%=1.75%. So, if a woman behaves herself, and is married to a better sort of man (comparable to the average man with a four-year degree), then there is not much risk to the family. Compare this to the risk of failed marriage for a woman with more than 20 sex partners (about 80%), or even more than 5 (60%).

Courting can be fun, but it is not for fun. It is like looking for a job. It is a transition stage, not something you stay with indefinitely. Fortunately, you only have to do it once, and God has given women many advantages (youth and beauty) so that they can do it without necessarily being so skillful.

I actually like these two women. They seem cheerful and fun — unlike many single women, who need antidepressants to give them a respite from their own bitterness — and they are looking good for their age. After Age 40, you get the face and the body you deserve; and they have apparently done something to deserve good results. After thirty years of Dating, they are really good at it. But, I hope that at least some women will chose Home and Family instead. So, just do that and forget about Dating.

Published by proprietor

Happily married, with children.

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