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Complaining Is Not Enough.

Welcome to my blog. Its purpose is to explore various topics regarding sex, marriage and family — an area with many problems today, as has been amply explored by the “red pill community.” They have done an excellent job of analysis and description. But, little has been said about solutions, and this persistent lack has been troubling me, so I will take it up. I tried doing a little bit via YouTube, the preferred medium these days it seems, but I am not suited to it. So, I will join with Dalrock, Rollo Tomassi and others in print. Like Dalrock, I am happily married, for seventeen years, and have a son. (Yes, it really is “happily,” perhaps because my wife is Japanese, and her English even now is bad enough that she is isolated from Western media and the society of Western women.) Perhaps I would like to have my son, when he is older, to have some kind of woman available besides wasted harlots.
 
In general, I am a Traditionalist. This is different than today’s TradCons, which Dalrock (among many) have rightly eviscerated. But one thing you can say about Traditional solutions is that they have actually worked, in real life, for a long period of time, and produced good results. You could invent some kind of new solution, but Utopian dreams sometimes don’t work out. I am not a Christian, although I find that they are my natural allies, so I am Christian-friendly. Ezra Pound once did a broad review of spiritual traditions, including many in the East. He eventually decided to become a Christian (specifically, an Anglican), not because he was not aware of the many failings of the Anglican Church in his day, but because he realized that, if he wanted to gain the advantages that come from cooperation with like-minded people, he would have to join some kind of existing community.
 
I say often that “you have to tell women what to do.” They seem to be incapable of organizing their actions without external leadership. This leadership may come in the form of individual vision, or it may come in the form of social norms, in-group behavior, and the artificially-created “social norms” and “in-group behavior” manufactured by the Cultural Marxists in music, television and movies. Women have a choice of which leadership they choose. But, they seem to lack the masculine capability of analysis and description, awareness of longer-term cause and effect, and also based on this, invention of definite solutions, independent of existing norms. Without someone else to do these things, who they can follow, they are rudderless. Some women are quite intelligent, but this ability is usually channeled entirely toward the Rationalization Hamster, and also lies, manipulation, and deceit. (This is basically the Rationalization Hamster applied to others.) But along with this, women are open to suggestion. If some men start telling women what to do, and it seems to them an attractive proposition, some women will follow.
 
And so, although you can lament the present condition of women in the U.S. and the West today, unless you tell them what to do, they will not change. It is not enough to say “I don’t like this and I don’t like that.” Eliminating options and identifying problems are important steps toward figuring out What To Do, but do not create a solution in themselves. Along with this, men have to clarify what they want. Today, we lament the fact that most women today are unfit to be wives and mothers, and are frankly dangerous and destructive in those roles. And yet, we seem to like having a large supply of sluts on ready call, so we have been perhaps a little hesitant to say: don’t be sluts. Obviously, we are going to have to make some decisions here. Are you ready for a world in which women are sexually unavailable until after your wedding day?
 
Unfortunately, by focusing on analysis and description of present conditions, men are, in a way, telling women what to do. Men say that “all women are like that.” Women hear this, and, following what they are being told by men, as is their nature, behave in the manner that such men say they behave. While it is true that women certainly have the potential to be “like that,” and today that potential is reality, it is also true that, in the past, they were not like that. Just as there is “women’s nature,” there is also “men’s nature.” For example, men have the potential for domination and plunder, that we see in every gang or group of bandits, and which anthropologists have recorded in primitive human societies around the world. And yet, most men today are not like that. The difference is part of what we call: civilization.
 
Thus, I want to focus on concrete, specific solutions. For example, there is near-universal agreement that today’s laws regarding divorce, sexual assault, domestic violence and other interactions between men and women are grossly anti-male and dysfunctional today. But, you rarely hear anyone say what, then, the laws should be. If you were to change it, what would you do? In the past (before 1970), for example, divorce required either mutual consent and terms acceptable to both parties, or, for a unilateral divorce, abridgement of certain conditions, notably adultery or serious domestic violence, with evidence that would hold up in jury trial. In another example from history, divorce among the ancient Romans would result in the man keeping the children. This served as a double preventative: most women would avoid divorce if it meant being separated from her children; and also, a man looking for a younger, sexier wife would probably be handicapped by having custody of his children. This would naturally require someone to handle childcare; and what better (or cheaper) person than the children’s natural mother? At the same time, a younger, sexier women would probably not be very interested in caring for another woman’s offspring.
 
Besides not telling women what to do, men today are bizarrely, pathologically politically inactive. Men need to join together and get things done to change the laws, just as men have always done to produce any change. Look around you: who is going to do it, if not men? At the very least, men should support existing men’s rights organizations. It is true that they have been woefully ineffective. But, more money would probably help fix that. Any man who is unwilling to give $25 to an existing MRA organization deserves everything he gets. This is evidence of extreme learned helplessness. Think of it like doing political pushups. If you can’t do even one pushup, you are in bad shape my friend. Get over your learned helplessness. Give another $25 to the YouTube Redpill personality of your choice. Divorce law is State law, so eventually there will have to be an MRA organization for each state, which lobbies and informs State legislators: the Ohio Society for Men’s Rights. If all concerned men were giving $100 a year in total to the cause, there would be enough money around that other men would have the funding to establish such organizations. Unfortunately, most men cannot risk too much opprobrium, as it jeopardizes their livelihoods. Thus, we need specialists, whose livelihood is itself based on objecting to the status quo, and who can serve as professional lightning rods.
 
Men are the builders of civilization, not only in steel and concrete, but also in laws and principles. Women nurture the creations of the men of their choice. So: start building.

Forming Tribes

What’s going on here?

From a man’s point of view, this is just personal opinion. Some men like Bettys, and others like Veronicas.

From a woman’s point of view, it is confusion. A woman wants to know what is expected of her, in “her tribe.” For a long time, this “tribe” was society as a whole (“America”), or some fairly broad subset of society (“Los Angeles,” “upper middle class”). But, today there is too much difference in views. In time, we should, and probably will, form smaller, distinct “tribes,” where people basically share views on certain topics. Women can then become part of these tribes. They will have a coherent set of expectations to conform to.

For example, today there is the Sodom and Gomorrah tribe, where women are expected to be childless, self-supporting, on-demand sex kittens in constant rotation, slowly depreciating like used cars even into their sixties. Basically, this is the pattern of gay men. Then, there is the nascent Home and Family tribe, where young women are expected to remains virgins until marriage, and then, have a lot of children. There used to be a centrist Dating/Relationship tribe, but that is eroding with a sense of pointlessness. Today, these are mixed up in a confusing mess. A woman doesn’t know what to do. The Sodom and Gomorrah Tribe at least has active and functioning systems (Tinder, for example, and related forms of online whoring including TikTok and Instagram). They are ultimately self-destructive, but at least it is something that a woman can participate in, right now, today.

The Home and Family Tribe is still unformed. It does not have active and functioning systems, yet. Mostly, it is an ill-formed cloud of vague notions. Women who try to abide by these notions do not necessarily end up with Home and Family. Men are not necessarily offering those, in real life, but only as a sort of principle. Even Christian circles are badly polluted by feminist nonsense. Should a woman marry young, or wait until her late 20s? Should she pursue a career, or be a stay-at-home Mom? Should she go to college? Someone is going to have to make some decisions about this; and Tribes will form around this consensus. Probably, it will take parental guidance to get it going, with both young men and women nudged into forming families. They do not seem to do that naturally.

A man can form a “tribe of one.” He can, and today I think should, state all the expectations of his “tribe,” which is basically himself, for now. The woman that he meets will not necessarily already be conforming to these guidelines. But, she should be friendly to the idea, and willing to participate, much like a new employee at a corporation. I would state that I prioritize a woman that stays at home with the children, and homeschools. I would state how many children I would like (three or more), and in what timeframe (soon). I would state our political stance (some flavor of conservative), and related views (no rainbow shit, no vaccines). I would state some expectations (always look good, especially after you have children; keep a beautiful house; become a good cook). I would probably give a woman some books, like Fascinating Womanhood or Created to Be His Helpmeet, and see what her reaction is. This is not something that you do on the first date, of course. But, if you are at all serious about marriage, then I would do this.

One Tribe that appears around this time of year, is the Hunting Tribe. I think it is charming when families start walking around town in matching RealTree outfits.

Pack up the car, honey! We’re going to Cabela’s!

Julianna Reaches 27

“Julianna,” who we saw back when she was a 19yo dream babe and “never been kissed,” is now 27 and still a virgin. Good for her, but something is definitely wrong when someone who is, let’s say, in the top 2% of wifey girls is not married. You would think that, with most men still marrying eventually, and a distinct shortage of decent girls to marry, the wifey girls would be in high demand. But, no.

It sounds like she met a compatible sort of man, but they couldn’t get it going. Mostly, the guy’s fault, by the sounds of it. Today, it would not be hard for me to make an up/down decision in the space of a few months. Having been married for over 20 years, it is not hard for me to decide to be married … or not. But, I think a lot of young men are waiting for some kind of “sign,” which mostly doesn’t arrive because that “sign” is mostly an attachment that comes from having sex before marriage.

Go to YT and read the comments too.

Part of the problem, it seems, is “dating.” Mostly, as she says, this doesn’t work out, because, as Tom Leykis said, “dating is fucking,” or, as the polite Christians say, “fornicating.” (Same thing.) A woman should, I think, announce clearly that this is “courtship,” which will clear out 95% of the riffraff, and also, perhaps, attract a few men who are actually interested in a wife and family, who would not otherwise rouse themselves. (In the process of Courtship, you can go on a date.)

Then, there is the talk of a “relationship,” which is also not in the Courtship model. A “relationship” is basically a sort of proto-marriage that arises from “dating.” It was something that appeared in the mid-twentieth century, as a hybrid between Courtship and open-ended fornicating. “Courtship” is mostly non-exclusive until there is a marriage proposal. In practice, there would be a more serious stage of courtship, where a couple would see a lot of each other, with a proposal expected quickly thereafter (a few months). But even this, I think, is not what you would call a “relationship.” I can see how a sexless “relationship” might dissipate into pointlessness if it was not heading, rather quickly, in the marriage direction.

There is a lot of talk about “waiting,” but people didn’t wait that long back in the day. They “waited” during about six months of Courtship, and got married at Age 19 (for women). So, stop waiting!

As I have said, we are going to have to take a stand somewhere, so let’s take a stand with the Top 30%. The other 70% — the Fuglies, whores, single moms and good-girls-gone-bad — we will leave aside.

For example, just from this ten minute video, we know:

  1. She is at least an 8/10, maybe a little higher due to makeup and hair skills (and maybe filters…).
  2. She is a virgin, which is nice in itself, but also shows a lot of self-discipline and strong values in general.
  3. She has a soft, feminine voice. No girlboss posturing, or other strong feminist energy.
  4. She appears interested in home and family. I do not have the impression that she wants to “have it all” or find some kind of compromise between career ambition and children. She would probably be very happy as a stay at home housewife.
  5. Given all the above, her politics probably tend conservative. No rainbow/woke crap.
  6. She is 27, which is not too old, although not too young either. As a virgin, she has not accumulated the damage that most girls do by Age 27.

This combination of virtues, I would argue, puts her in the Top 10% of all potential wives today. Maybe, if there is not a lot to put on the “cons” side — in the Top 2%, as I said earlier. Of course there may be a lot that we don’t know. Maybe some of that would come out in time. But, if we just say Top 10%, his leads to the next question which is: Is she good enough? Does she meet some minimum standard? (Absent unknown problems, yes.) Next: What are your chances of doing better? (For most men, not a whole lot.)

You see, it is not that hard to pick a woman. We can have a bit of get-to-know you time. And, of course, she has to be interested. Obviously, we can never know what marriage might have in store, ten or twenty years down the line. You do what you can do, and then you take your chances. If you are going to marry, then basically you just do it. Don’t drag things out. If there are no other red flags, then get it done in, let’s say, six months.

Lonely Virtuous Girls

There should be some reward for being virtuous. The reward used to be: You would get your own house and husband at Age 18 or 20. Today, even as we watch millions and millions of young women get lost in the swamps of open-ended harlotry, there are also many who reach the age of 25 and have never been on a date. Many of them overtly want a home and family.

Read the comments for more details. There are probably a lot of 4/10s-6/10s here, but they aren’t all landwhales.

Soooo …

Are these “Femcels”?

Basically, I guess they are. Men argue that a real Femcel can’t possibly exist. But, there are a lot of men who consider themselves “incels” although they could pay a woman at any time. Or, maybe they do pay women but still consider themselves “incels.” So, maybe it is a little like that.

Somewhere between 10 and 20

At some point, women become sluts. They lose the taste for monogamy. This seems to take place somewhere between 10 and 20 partners. According to this chart, it is somewhere after 15:

In the movie What’s Your Number?, the number is: 20.

Here is Goethe, in Faust Part I (“Night”) from 1808. The number here is, apparently, 12.

Valentine: My Gretchen, see! Young you are still
And shrewd enough by no means quite.
You manage your affairs but ill.
In confidence I tell you, what is more,
Since once for all now you’re a whore,
So be one then outright!

Gretchen: My brother! God! What words to me!

Valentine: In this game let our Lord God be!
Now what is done is done, alas!
And as things can, so will they come to pass.
With one you started secretly,
And more of them there soon will be.
When a dozen men have had you down,
You’re common then to all the town.
When Shame at first is given birth,
She is smuggled in upon this earth,
And then the veil of night is thrown
Around her ears and head;
Yes, one would gladly murder her instead.
But when both proud and great she’s grown,
By daylight then she goes forth openly,
And yet has not become more fair to see.
The loathsomer her face, straightaway
The more she seeks the light of day.

Practice Helps

It usually takes some time with a woman before she can begin to reach her potential. The first time often doesn’t work out that well.

Even these orgasms are mostly clitoral orgasms. About 75% of women say that they do not normally orgasm from intercourse alone.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/201007/how-boost-womans-chance-orgasm-during-intercourse

Hookup culture is mostly an orgasm desert for women.

Women’s natural birthright is to be a Sex Goddess, which means: A woman who regularly has multiple orgasms from intercourse. “Multiple” begins at 2, but it can extend to 20+, over a period of two hours or more.

Men’s job is to shepherd women toward this destiny.

It seems like not very men or women are achieving this.

Teen Girls Today (a Mom’s perspective)

Traditionally, you avoided the damage of young women by getting them young. But, girls are falling to pieces from pretty much the first step beyond Age 13.

It will be harder than ever to find any girl that is decent wife material. Parents are crazy to allow their children to succumb to this madness without opposition. It’s not really that hard: a) homeschool; b) no TV, tik tok, etc. Read old books.

Grazie Pozo Christie, M.D. Profile picture

Grazie Pozo Christie, M.D.

1/

I’ve been a teenage girl and I’m in process of raising two of them. Nothing about the horrific rise of gender confusion in girls surprises me.
Puberty is an emotional tsunami for girls. Today they face a gross and degraded dating culture in which 

2/their only measure of objective value is their micro bikini-fitness and willingness to make themselves sexually available to unscrupulous males.
From precious little princess to door mat in 2 seconds, plus the indignities, suffering, and strangeness of a woman’s biology. 

3/Their emotional pain is tremendous, even in the best of circumstances.
And how many have “best” circumstances? 
Half perhaps or more have absent fathers, and no real conception of what an honorable, faithful and protective man looks like in action. 

4/They see the future before them and it is barren.

They are told to be like the worst of men, sexually aggressive, single-mindedly devoted to getting ahead in their careers, careless of the home and the sweet concerns that fill the hearts of beloved wives and mothers. 

5/That they don’t need a man to protect and cherish them and their children. That’s so PATRIARCHY.
They are told that the babies they will inevitably, accidentally conceive can be brushed aside with a couple of pills and some EXTRA painful cramps.
And that it will be LIBERATING. 

6/That they will grow old and have cats, but that they will really really like that. That having 15 grandchildren to take you to church on Sunday by turns is a stupid old dream that has been supplanted by a better future. You ponder abt the cats but think maybe you can have dogs 

7/Would you want to grow up to be a WOMAN? If these were your future prospects?
At least men have power in the dating game, they don’t have to post pics of their butt on instagram and be derided for their cellulite. 

8/And you are on TikTok and instagram and snapchat all day, trying to feel better about yourself.
And they say, they ALL say, that you can flip a switch and be a man instead of a woman. No more periods, overstuffed bikinis, emotional blackness like a bottomless pit. 

9/So you go for the trans, and you are CELEBRATED. You are the bomb! You have everyone’s attention, even your overworked mom’s and your mostly absent father’s, who are now fighting like rabid dogs over you. While before they mostly made you feel invisible. 

10/Being trans, you now have a GROUP, and a banner and a reason for being. You have frequent “medical” visits and ways to measure your “progress” like the deepening of your voice, and your new cool male-pattern baldness. 

11/You get a mastectomy and now have the horizontal scars, yes, but they tell you those are beautiful, and your post them on snapchat and get lots of applause and thumbs up. You are BEAUTIFUL! ..finally 

12/And you dream of the phalloplasty that will give you a scarred forearm, yes, but you can wear long sleeves. And that will give you real sexual pleasure that you can’t imagine because you’ve never had any but they say it’s real good. 

13/And they children you will never bear? That’s NO PROBLEM. Because you can get children all sorts of wonderful, inventive and modern ways, that probably by the time you want them will be funded by the government, like surrogacy and prob. artificial wombs. 

14/that you will have love, and companionship, and deep friendships and a family.

Then you learn slowly and painfully that it’s all a lie. That you are just caught up in a weird fad powered by the money interests of a HUGE trans industrial complex. 

15/That what was natural and beautiful and tender and soft about you was your budding womanhood and that your future as a mother and wife has been erased, replaced by meds and surgeries, incontinence and emotional lability that gets worse not better. 

16/Your desire for suicide intensifies, as you swoop up and down on the tides of giant testosterone injections or patches, a hormone that was never meant for you in those quantities, but for young strong men with battles to fight and homes to build with brawny arms. 

17/The winners? Follow the money. The scads of money.

Online Dating

This was an interesting representation of one woman’s experience with Online Dating. Probably, she is somewhat average — not exceptional.

There are some interesting elements here.

First, she swiped right on only 582 out of 15094 men, over a period of six months. That’s 4%. And, Tinder itself probably screened out a lot of the less-appropriate men. Of course, all the other women are also choosing the same 4% of men, or maybe 10% if we allow for a little difference of age and opinion. Then came the reverse-screening. Out of 582 men, 411 (71%) did not either match or begin chatting with her. Apparently, these 4% of men can be choosy. Out of this came 171 chats and 54 dates (0.4%). Is that what women mean by “high standards”? That’s about one new chat partner a day, and a date every three days. Out of this, she got 37 rounds of “casual sex” (every five days) and zero relationships. Does this mean that she never saw even one of these 37 men a second time? Or, maybe she did. It doesn’t sound very healthy either way. Were there any dates, that didn’t lead to sex on the first date, but led to a second date? Were there any second dates at all? Was she hooking up again with her prior hookups, on top of all these new hookups? This does not include all the other things this woman was doing during those six months, including: Work/school connections, bars and clubs, parties, business trips, foreign travel, daytime approaches, other dating apps, Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, etc. That is a full schedule of whoring.

But, at the same time, we see a lot of selectivity. If she was just interested in casual sex, would only 4% of men do? And only 0.4% that led to actual in-person meetings? Is this what women mean by “I know my worth”? You would think it wouldn’t matter that much. Wouldn’t it at least save a little time and effort if you had a regular FWB rather than starting from scratch again? At least, you could practice together a little bit, and get better at sex, which is often rather bad on the first encounter. Did she hope for a FWB (har!), but was not able to accomplish that? Did she hope for a “relationship”? If she did, that would be pretty crazy, since she should have figured out before #37 that her strategy wasn’t working. Probably, like a lot of women, she would claim that she was “seeking a relationship” this whole time, and actually sort of believed that, although her behavior shows no real attempt to accomplish that.

Obviously, you can’t marry, or even have a “relationship” with, some burned out slag heap like this. And, a lot of women probably have a similar background these days.

Women: What strategy do you have, exactly, to avoid a similar outcome? Or, maybe this is OK with you? Good luck with that.

Too Damn Ugly

About 40% of young single women are Fugly. Skip them. But, about the same percentage of men are Fugly too, so it seems like there is a nice match there.

But, I have been thinking recently that, no matter how Fugly a man is, he naturally has a desire for pretty slim women, and, naturally, has limited interest in ugly women. Maybe, interest limited enough that he just doesn’t do whatever is necessary to pair up with one. And if he is (rightfully) uninspired by Fugly women, and rejected by pretty ones, where does that leave him?

And isn’t the same true for women? Do we expect even the ugliest women to be infatuated with ugly men? That would be expecting the impossible.

In the recent past, people became Fugly after they were married, sometime after 40. Regrettable, but it didn’t matter too much.

Fugliness is almost entirely due to preventable factors, especially obesity, but also dress and presentation. Mostly, it is curable.

Even the most tragic Butterface girls are hot enough for some guy somewhere — if they have a healthy slim body.

Even perfect beauty is easily disfigured by obesity.

Don’t Be Fugly is a good principle always, but also, later in life. Age catches up with everyone, but you can be Not Fugly nearly up to Age 70.

Middle aged couple hugging
Romantic senior man kissing a cheerful woman on cheek

Mostly, it is a matter of good diet. Avoid all processed foods. “Single ingredient foods” only. Cook at home.

Also, exercise regularly. But, diet is more important than exercise.

Lastly, try a little bit. Clothing manufacturers have all kinds of attractive clothing available. You just have to wear what they provide for the purpose. But, many people, men and women both, often can’t seem to do this. Land’s End is a purveyor of extremely boring, Middle-America clothing that is nevertheless well made and reasonably attractive. You should aspire to a Land’s End level of fashion, at the very least.

Seriously, most young women do not accomplish even this.

No noserings, blue hair or neck tattoos + a shirt with buttons = You win!

No shorts, t-shirts or sandals = You win!

Sub-Dating

Over time, I’ve come to appreciate that what most young people need today is not “dating,” but social situations that are sub-dating. Basically, group get-togethers of some sort. For one thing, it is very easy to invite someone to a group get-together. It is pretty hard, for most men, to try to wrangle a date out of someone you meet on the street, or is the barest acquaintance. But, it is easy to invite them to a party where there might be 30 people.

Here is my advice for young single people, in college or afterwards.

Plan on regular get-togethers of some sort, typically of about 6-10 people. If you are a guy, aim for a little skew towards women — for example, with 9 people, 5 women and 4 men. When I was in college, we had weekly dinners. There would be a constant rotation of regulars and new friends. I think it was on a Wednesday, which didn’t conflict with weekend plans. This costs time and money. I would make invites free for first-timers, but expect regulars to contribute $20 or so. Probably, over time, you can allow some of the regulars to take over a night or two. We had a lot of fun with this.

I do not like potlucks much, although it can be a way to arrange a big event (20+ people) pretty easily. Make sure that there are tables and chairs for everyone, and proper dishware and glasses. No eating on the sofa. No paper and plastic. Used dishware is super cheap these days, and it would be easy to acquire dishware for 50 if you want to do that kind of event.

You could also have cocktail parties from time to time. I would aim for about two a month, with about thirty guests (depending on the size of your abode). Same mix of regulars and first-timers. I would insist on formal dress (women in dresses and heels; men with jackets; no t-shirts, jeans or sneakers), and have a proper bar with proper mixed drinks, in proper glasses. No red plastic cups. Trade around the bartending duties in 30 minute shifts. Make a menu of cocktails for that evening (and recipes for the bartenders). Again, I would ask for regulars to donate about $20, and free for first-timers.

Even if you are butt-ugly, you can probably get people to come to your party. Here’s a good example.

You can expand this to other sorts of events, such as a BBQ picnic, day at the beach, afternoon of sledding, etc.

I would make an effort to talk with everyone that comes — at least, everyone you would like to get to know.

Over time, you could expand further to weekend trips — a camping or backpacking trip, a canoe trip, a ski trip, a road trip, a museum trip, etc.

Don’t expect people to reciprocate. They will not set up their own dinners and invite you. But, they would probably contribute money, and help out in various ways, if you ask them.

Of course, everyone who comes should give you their contact info so they can be invited to future events. Or, get it if they say they are interested in coming. This is so easy.