Complaining Is Not Enough.

Welcome to my blog. Its purpose is to explore various topics regarding sex, marriage and family — an area with many problems today, as has been amply explored by the “red pill community.” They have done an excellent job of analysis and description. But, little has been said about solutions, and this persistent lack has been troubling me, so I will take it up. I tried doing a little bit via YouTube, the preferred medium these days it seems, but I am not suited to it. So, I will join with Dalrock, Rollo Tomassi and others in print. Like Dalrock, I am happily married, for seventeen years, and have a son. (Yes, it really is “happily,” perhaps because my wife is Japanese, and her English even now is bad enough that she is isolated from Western media and the society of Western women.) Perhaps I would like to have my son, when he is older, to have some kind of woman available besides wasted harlots.
In general, I am a Traditionalist. This is different than today’s TradCons, which Dalrock (among many) have rightly eviscerated. But one thing you can say about Traditional solutions is that they have actually worked, in real life, for a long period of time, and produced good results. You could invent some kind of new solution, but Utopian dreams sometimes don’t work out. I am not a Christian, although I find that they are my natural allies, so I am Christian-friendly. Ezra Pound once did a broad review of spiritual traditions, including many in the East. He eventually decided to become a Christian (specifically, an Anglican), not because he was not aware of the many failings of the Anglican Church in his day, but because he realized that, if he wanted to gain the advantages that come from cooperation with like-minded people, he would have to join some kind of existing community.
I say often that “you have to tell women what to do.” They seem to be incapable of organizing their actions without external leadership. This leadership may come in the form of individual vision, or it may come in the form of social norms, in-group behavior, and the artificially-created “social norms” and “in-group behavior” manufactured by the Cultural Marxists in music, television and movies. Women have a choice of which leadership they choose. But, they seem to lack the masculine capability of analysis and description, awareness of longer-term cause and effect, and also based on this, invention of definite solutions, independent of existing norms. Without someone else to do these things, who they can follow, they are rudderless. Some women are quite intelligent, but this ability is usually channeled entirely toward the Rationalization Hamster, and also lies, manipulation, and deceit. (This is basically the Rationalization Hamster applied to others.) But along with this, women are open to suggestion. If some men start telling women what to do, and it seems to them an attractive proposition, some women will follow.
And so, although you can lament the present condition of women in the U.S. and the West today, unless you tell them what to do, they will not change. It is not enough to say “I don’t like this and I don’t like that.” Eliminating options and identifying problems are important steps toward figuring out What To Do, but do not create a solution in themselves. Along with this, men have to clarify what they want. Today, we lament the fact that most women today are unfit to be wives and mothers, and are frankly dangerous and destructive in those roles. And yet, we seem to like having a large supply of sluts on ready call, so we have been perhaps a little hesitant to say: don’t be sluts. Obviously, we are going to have to make some decisions here. Are you ready for a world in which women are sexually unavailable until after your wedding day?
Unfortunately, by focusing on analysis and description of present conditions, men are, in a way, telling women what to do. Men say that “all women are like that.” Women hear this, and, following what they are being told by men, as is their nature, behave in the manner that such men say they behave. While it is true that women certainly have the potential to be “like that,” and today that potential is reality, it is also true that, in the past, they were not like that. Just as there is “women’s nature,” there is also “men’s nature.” For example, men have the potential for domination and plunder, that we see in every gang or group of bandits, and which anthropologists have recorded in primitive human societies around the world. And yet, most men today are not like that. The difference is part of what we call: civilization.
Thus, I want to focus on concrete, specific solutions. For example, there is near-universal agreement that today’s laws regarding divorce, sexual assault, domestic violence and other interactions between men and women are grossly anti-male and dysfunctional today. But, you rarely hear anyone say what, then, the laws should be. If you were to change it, what would you do? In the past (before 1970), for example, divorce required either mutual consent and terms acceptable to both parties, or, for a unilateral divorce, abridgement of certain conditions, notably adultery or serious domestic violence, with evidence that would hold up in jury trial. In another example from history, divorce among the ancient Romans would result in the man keeping the children. This served as a double preventative: most women would avoid divorce if it meant being separated from her children; and also, a man looking for a younger, sexier wife would probably be handicapped by having custody of his children. This would naturally require someone to handle childcare; and what better (or cheaper) person than the children’s natural mother? At the same time, a younger, sexier women would probably not be very interested in caring for another woman’s offspring.
Besides not telling women what to do, men today are bizarrely, pathologically politically inactive. Men need to join together and get things done to change the laws, just as men have always done to produce any change. Look around you: who is going to do it, if not men? At the very least, men should support existing men’s rights organizations. It is true that they have been woefully ineffective. But, more money would probably help fix that. Any man who is unwilling to give $25 to an existing MRA organization deserves everything he gets. This is evidence of extreme learned helplessness. Think of it like doing political pushups. If you can’t do even one pushup, you are in bad shape my friend. Get over your learned helplessness. Give another $25 to the YouTube Redpill personality of your choice. Divorce law is State law, so eventually there will have to be an MRA organization for each state, which lobbies and informs State legislators: the Ohio Society for Men’s Rights. If all concerned men were giving $100 a year in total to the cause, there would be enough money around that other men would have the funding to establish such organizations. Unfortunately, most men cannot risk too much opprobrium, as it jeopardizes their livelihoods. Thus, we need specialists, whose livelihood is itself based on objecting to the status quo, and who can serve as professional lightning rods.
Men are the builders of civilization, not only in steel and concrete, but also in laws and principles. Women nurture the creations of the men of their choice. So: start building.

Bill (an Ordinary Guy)

Here again is Ava Gardner, in her own voice, singing about loving an ordinary guy named Bill. From Show Boat (1951).

I used to dream that I would discover
The perfect lover someday
I knew I’d recognize him if ever
He came ’round my way

I always used to fancy then
He’d be one of the god-like kind of men
With a giant brain and a noble head
Like the heroes bold in the books I’ve read

But along came Bill
Who’s not the type at all
You’d meet him on the street
And never notice him

His form and face
His manly grace
Are not the kind that you
Would find in a statue

And I can’t explain
It’s surely not his brain
That makes me thrill
I love him because he’s wonderful
Because he’s just my Bill

He can’t play golf or tennis or polo
Or sing a solo or row
He isn’t half as handsome
As dozens of men that I know

He isn’t tall or straight or slim
And he dresses far worse than Ted or Jim
And I can’t explain why he should be
Just the one, one man in the world for me

He’s just my Bill an ordinary man
He hasn’t got a thing that I can brag about
And yet to be upon his knee
So comfy and roomy seems natural to me

Oh, I can’t explain
It’s surely not his brain
That makes me thrill
I love him because he’s, I don’t know
Because he’s just my Bill

Although we might prefer Ava Gardner’s own voice on these tracks, audiences at the time apparently preferred Annette Warren’s voice.

Here’s Annette Warren’s voice, in the released movie.

From Hugh Fordin’s book “The World Of Entertainment!”:

Ava had made up her mind to sing her two numbers herself: no dubbing. Both songs, Can’t Help Lovin’ That Man” and “Bill,” not only require a voice but vocal skill of a high degree. Coaching her, Fdens knew from the very start that his efforts were in vain. Accompanying her at the piano, he recorded a test which turned out to be pale, thin and tentative. He decided to audition voice doubles: Marni Nixon, Anita Ellis, Carole Richards and Annette Warren. He found Warren’s singing voice best suited as a match for Gardner’s speaking voice.

When it came to the prerecordings Gardner still insisted on singing the songs herself. As a precaution a set of tracks was also made by Warren.

After a couple of weeks of screening the two scenes for a number of in- and outsiders, Annette Warren was called back to rerecord the songs, now to Gardner’s lip-synch. What ensued until after the production had closed was a kind of a parlor game. Warren’s tracks were in; Warren’s tracks were out. Gardner’s tracks were in, and then they were out; and so on and so forth, depending on the comment of whoever had seen the sequences last.

Before starting the dubbing of the picture, vocal director Lela Simone asked music director Roger Edens “And who is singing?” The answer was a not very enthusiasic: “Ava.”

The picture was previewed on March 22, 1951. The one change that was made afterward was that Gardner’s voice was out and Warren’s voice was in. At the second preview on April 3, the change had a very noticeable and positive effect on the audience.

When Simone asked and Jesse Kaye discussed the forthcoming soundtrack album he felt that for reasons of exploitation and sale Ava Gardner’s name on the cover would be an added plus. Simone took great pains in the dubbing of Gardner’s tracks, backing up her voice with the accompmaniments to make her sound more palatable.

Can’t Help Lovin’ That Man

Here’s legendary superbabe Ava Gardner (even today people call her the Most Beautiful Woman in the History of Hollywood) singing about loving one man for the rest of her days, from Show Boat (1951).

Ava Gardner was an actress, not a singer, which is why she was dubbed by Annette Warren. But, here is Gardner’s own singing, which is pretty good. Maybe, to our ears today, better.

From “Ava: My Story”

“Now, I can sing. I do not expect to be taken for Maria Callas, Ella Fitzgerald, or Lena Home, but I can carry a tune well enough for the likes of Artie Shaw to feel safe offering to put me in front of his orchestra. But since Julie’s two songs, “Bill” and “Can’t Help Loving That Man,” are so beloved by everyone, I decided to work as hard as I could to fit the bill. I even found this marvelous teacher, who’d worked with both Lena and Dorothy Dandridge, and we slaved away for several weeks and produced a test record of those two songs.

Then, rather nervously, I took my life into my hands and gave the record to Arthur Freed himself, God Almighty of musical productions. I don’t think the son of a bitch ever even listened to it He just put it on a shelf and delivered the usual studio ultimatum: “Now, listen, Ava, you can’t sing and you’re among professional singers.” So that settled that one.

Or did it? Because the singer they’d chosen to dub my singing had a high, rather tiny voice, totally inappropriate when it was paired with my own speaking voice. The studio spent thousands and thousands of dollars and used the full MGM orchestra trying to get this poor girl right. I mean, there was nothing wrong with her in the first place, except for the obvious fact that she wasn’t me.

Finally, they got Annette Warren, this gal who used to do a lot of my singing off-screen, and they substituted her voice for mine. So my Southern twang suddenly stops talking and her soprano starts singing – hell, what a mess.

When it came to the album version of the movie, things got even worse. Being a great fan of Lena’s, I had copied her phrasing, note for note, on my test record. So they took my record imitating Lena and put earphones on her so she could sing the songs copying me copying her.

But Metro soon found out that they couldn’t legally release the album with my name and image, as they called it, without my voice being part of the package. So then I used earphones to try to record my voice over her voice, which had been recorded over my voice imitating her. I did it note for note, they wiped Lena’s voice off the album, and the record was a success. That’s the way they worked in those days. And I still get goddamn royalties on the thing!”

I Wake Up At 6am And Make My Hubby Breakfast

Here we are in 2022, and apparently, for a married mother of three to actually get out of bed, and actually feed her family, is news.

This is apparently a disturbing development for feminist types, who also get up at 6am, and also make breakfast and clean, before heading off to work all day.

This “making breakfast” can get pretty Oppressive.

“Sometimes it’s scrambled eggs, some-times it’s an omelette for Phil,” she says. “I like to feed him properly and make sure he’s full until at least lunchtime. He can’t be powered just by toast.

“The older two children are fussy eaters so it’s never just something easy like cereal.

“It can mean sorting out a variety of different meals, like brioche and Marmite toast, pancakes and smoothies, to make sure they are all happy — but I’m willing to do it. It’s my job as a mum.”

There must be some Patriarchy or Toxic Masculinity in here somewhere.

But, the interesting part is farther down the article.

Despite going to an expensive private school in Ipswich — and getting 12 GCSEs including one A*, four As, five Bs and 2Cs — Bronte did not want a high-earning career.

Her decision to become a teen mother stunned many of her school friends, who now hold down big careers as lawyers and doctors.

“It broke my heart putting them into storage when I was about 12 but I felt, being in secondary school, I was too old to play with them.”

But becoming a mum was not all plain-sailing, because Bronte’s parents were disappointed with her.

She says: “I can’t lie, relations with my parents were tense for some time afterwards. They wanted me to go to university.

“But now we are in a good place and they dote on the children.”

She says: “My parents paid a lot of money for me to go to private school with the assumption I’d go to uni.

“Being a mum was all I could think about. Something was missing until I had her.”

Bronte, who quit studying A levels in maths, biology, chemistry and IT after a few months, argues that people who belittle young mums are foolish because bringing up children is incredibly hard work.

She says: “Years ago if you hadn’t had a baby when you were 20, you were considered to be a spinster, but now it is the reverse. It takes a very intelligent person to bring up children. I wouldn’t consider a career that took me away from my family.

“There’s so many people relying on nannies but I want to be there for my children.

“I have really high standards. I would not be able to split myself in so many ways and also be there for the children.

“People say I am wasting myself, especially because I went to private school.

“But I simply take a relaxed approach to education. I don’t think university is the most important thing.”

She should have got married first before moving in with her future husband, and maybe finishing her high school education, but nevertheless, this sort of thing apparently is now one step from running off to join the circus.

I caution that women who want to wait until marriage (they are virgins), and who want to be stay-at-home mothers, should abandon the whole Feminist life track. Get married around Age 18, and start making some babies. She has three children at Age 29. Probably, you are going to have to find a man over 25, who can support a family, and who also wants to; and who is not too ugly, or mean. Which is already not such an easy thing. And you only have one year before you are 19.

Places For Virgins To Find a Husband

So, I looked for dating sites and apps specifically for virgins (especially virgin women) to find a spouse for marriage, perhaps in a timeframe of about six months.

A search turned up two sites: YouAndMeArePure.com, and WeWaited.com.

Both were started around 2010-2011. Both no longer exist.

Here is a list of “Best Dating Sites for Serious Relationships” as of 2021.

#1 is Match.com.

#10 is Tinder, which tells you just how many dating sites/apps “for serious relationships” there are.

Part of the problem is “dating.” Dating is, actually, antithetical to getting married (“Courtship”), if you are planning to wait until marriage to get it on.

Waiting is not that big a deal, if you are only waiting for three or six months, from the time of first meeting — or, actually “courting” since you might have known someone all your life — until the wedding day. But, if you are “dating” in an open-ended fashion, it is not going to work.

So, it looks like what we need these days is not a “dating” website for virgins, but a “courting” website.

I think there are a lot of men, probably around Age 25-35, who might want to get a new car off the lot, rather than some ten-year-old rental car with 120,000 miles that everyone has taken for a ride around the block already. They would seriously consider marrying a virgin girl of perhaps 18 or 20, a few months after their first meeting.

What about virgin guys? That’s OK too, but mostly for younger men, perhaps also under 20. Basically, the “highschool sweetheart” scenario. Often societies make it possible for men to marry at such a young age. But, if a man is 25-35 when he gets married, which has always been common, then it is probably not necessary to expect that men are also virgins. Anyway, I don’t think our virgin girls would insist on it, although they are free to do so if they wish.

The reason for this is: previous sexual partners are far less problematic for men. Men tend to lose their pair-bonding tendencies over a much longer period, about 30 sexual partners. And, most men do not have this many sexual partners before they get married, even if they are 35, and especially in a society where most women are virgins at marriage. It was recently discovered that women retain the DNA (via semen) of all the men they have sex with. Nothing similar is known to happen to men. It is even hard to imagine how it might come about.

Some men do “burn out” their pair-bonding abilities. They tend to become nihilistic about women, who they see as interchangeable three-hole units to be used and discarded as appropriate. But, these men are rarely in the mood to marry, unless it is for money. Also, I think that even men who were libertines in the past, may come to a time when they are willing to undertake the building of a family, and are able to discipline themselves to that task, in a productive fashion. Anyway, if the 31yo Donald Trump (the age Trump was when he married 28yo Ivana Zelnickova) asked one of our 20yo virgin girls to marry him, they would probably say yes.

The main problem is actually finding such a girl. If you did find one, and you had a real life 18yo woman in front of you, with good character, from a good family, who could make a Good Wife and Mother of your children, who really was a virgin, and who might marry you if you asked, and who was also a total sex bomb, it wouldn’t be too hard to agree to that one.

What better option do you have, exactly?

The Culture of the Single Millennial

This item on “The Culture of the Single Millennial” was good, although I think the situation is somewhat worse than presented here. That’s why I think that incremental changes won’t work, and people will have to basically do things completely differently.

Read: The Culture of the Single Millennial

One of the problems is: The goal is not just to get married, but to stay married, in a mutually beneficial and productive fashion, that is conducive to the successful raising of children. Most women figure out, around Age 28, that what they have been doing isn’t working; or, maybe they just got tired of it; or, maybe they are just being kicked off the Carousel against their wishes; or maybe they are Single Moms. This is the Epiphany Phase. The problem is, it is mostly too late for those women. Their bad habits and burned-out pair-bonding potential, in today’s context where divorce is too easy and rewards women, and under the constant influence of social media and their real-world acquaintances, tend to make them Bad Wives. Men are better off not marrying them.

Wife up those worn-out Sluts, Hoes and Single Moms,” which was a common message from the Church and other Conservative pro-family corners in previous decades, has been proven to be a failed strategy. Finally, men have figured out what men in prior centuries always knew: You can’t make a Ho into a Housewife. This is now far more difficult even than it was then, due to today’s family courts. These girls are For The Streets.

27 was Not Too Old for Charlotte Lucas of Pride and Prejudice, who was from a good family and lived at her Father’s house. Presumably, she was a clean girl. But, today’s 27yo women are not like that.

A few women will reform themselves, and actually be Good Wives after their Epiphany Phase, from force of effort and following a good example, such as a book like Fascinating Womanhood, or Lori Alexander’s blog. But, this is a minority. Mostly, we will have to rely upon younger women, who will have to take the guidance of others since they do not yet have the experience to reach the Epiphany Phase on their own.

Arranged Marriage

As most of society goes farther down the drain, I suspect there will be an increasing divide between those that take a stand with marriage and family, and those that do not. This may include arranged marriages, probably around Age 20-24 for women who, perhaps living at their father’s house, haven’t had much luck otherwise.

Contrary to today’s Disney Princess fantasies, most real princesses’ marriages were arranged. Also, they were something like mandatory. For normal people, arranged marriage was common, but not mandatory. Basically, the young couple had a veto.

Do It Like Donna Reed

Donna Reed, in It’s a Wonderful Life (1947), presents an idealized portrait of the loving wife and mother, who also happens to be a 10/10 girl all the way. In those days, women really did have four children before 30, and they really weren’t fat, and they really did dress well, without dressing like harlots. So, here we present, as a model for young married women, Donna Reed.

Plant the Flag with the Family

I was at a party talking with a better sort of girl. Yes, they do exist.

In 2021, she graduated from a Christian college in Manhattan. She was planning to return to her hometown in Georgia. After a few inquiries, I gathered that the main motivation was to meet up with her boyfriend — presumably, her high school sweetheart.

So, she had managed to spend four years unsupervised in Sodom on the Hudson — admittedly, at a Christian college — and still had connections with her high school boyfriend. Probably, she did not stack up too much of a body count along the way.

Naturally, I took this as a good opportunity to give some unsolicited advice.

I did this in part because young people today tend to get no guidance from anybody, including their parents. Certainly the common experience from people my age is that they had virtually no guidance at all. Among younger people, of the better sorts of families, I think it was more common to push women into career-oriented paths, even disparaging relationships as an obstacle to career success.

But, having sallied forth into advice-giving, there then rose the question of: what can you say in a minute or two that might be helpful?

I told this woman that, among women her age, perhaps 50% of them will never marry. The Pew Research Center estimates the figure at more like 25%, which is still way above the 8% common for White women up until now. But, for some reason, I think the real number (which we will not know until twenty years from now) might be much higher than that.

Marriage is not something that “just happens” these days. You have to do it deliberately.

Also, I said: She should plant the flag with marriage and family. This is the hill you want to die on.

Plan on homeschooling.

Since she was already leaving New York to return to her (presumably) high school sweetheart, she had already discarded career ambitions for “relationships.” She had already made a sort of do-or-die commitment to marry her high school sweetheart, although perhaps she did not herself understand this.

So, having come this far, she should marry this guy, and make it quick. They have already known each other for over four years, so get it done in six months. Then, have a bunch of babies before Age 27.

Among college educated women, about 35% of first marriages end in divorce, and 90% of these divorces are filed by women. In other words, women themselves blow up their families. If a woman doesn’t blow up her own family, there isn’t much risk. So, don’t do that.

If you were to ask all these college-educated women, the 90%, that blew up their own families, I think every one of them would claim that their ex-husbands were “mentally and physically abusive.” This is because they are a pack of damn liars. Women know that other women lie, but the younger ones may not know that these too are lies.

Today, we men have to sift out the women who are much too high risk/low reward for marriage and family. Men are better off alone than marrying these women. They are unfit to be wives and mothers. Please don’t get children involved. Let’s just say that 50% of women fall into these categories.

But, there are also the Other 50% — and also, the Top 10%, which, let’s say, includes this fine young woman. She was, on top of her other virtues, also quite beautiful. We can be happy that she at least seems to have found a husband. But also, she apparently spent four years in Manhattan, and no other man snapped her up, which probably wouldn’t have been that hard if you tried.

So, just as we Men should resolve to leave aside those women who can serve no useful purpose as a wife and mother, and only strew destruction and chaos in the lives of everyone she comes in contact with, we should also endeavor to make sure that those better sort of women, with whom lie our best hopes, are not abandoned and, most likely, left to accumulate damage and hardship as the years pass by. Those women who probably could be good, and even great, wives and mothers should be given a chance to realize their natural destiny.