Marry Deliberately

This is a message for: men, although women should find it of interest.

In this life, you will either marry or not marry. You will either have children or not have children. If you do have children, I suggest that you marry first. (There have been some, such as Tom Leykis, who have suggested fulfilling your biological responsibilities by just impregnating a woman and paying child support; others have suggested surrogacy.) There are a lot of reasons, today, why marriage is a bad idea, which have been covered by the MGTOW people. But, in the end, some men will marry. In general I am a supporter of marriage and family, in principle. We are trying to get to the point where it can be recommended in actual practice as well.

In practice, about 92% of men eventually marry.

If you marry, marry deliberately. It is something that you Do or that you Do Not Do. Don’t stumble into it haphazardly, because your girlfriend, who is fun to hang around with on weekends but who you never considered fit to be your Wife and Mother Of Your Children, is pressuring you into it. If you are going to Do it, then you want to do it well. The consequences of failure here are enormous.

The only good reason to get married is to have children and family. Marriage also provides other benefits, including sex and companionship, and maybe evening meals that are much better than what you often cook for yourself. But, given the great risks, costs and restrictions of marriage today (and in fact in every era, though never so bad as now), there is no reason to get married just for sex or companionship alone.

Here I am going to suggest how a man today might find that the Courtship Model works for him, to achieve his goals.

In the Courtship Model, men marry young virgins, typically in the 16-25 age range, with an ideal around 18-20. You could use the Courtship Model for older women with a history, but this introduces complications and is suboptimal. The courtship process is quick: three months from an initial meeting to a wedding ceremony gives a general idea. It could be three days. But, it is a process, like the process of getting a job. It is not a stable state, like “dating,” that one continues indefinitely.

At first glance, this notion may seem impossibly distant. Are we seriously to believe that we are to marry a girl, without actually having sex … or kissing … her first?

But, that is not really so much of a concern in the Courtship model. If you are going to marry a girl, and it is going to be quick (let’s say three months from when you begin “courting”), then you can wait for three months, get married, and then you two can make love nonstop for a month. (This is called the “honeymoon.”) There is really nothing you are going to determine, regarding a girl’s ability to serve as a wife and mother to you, from giving her a poke in the crotch beforehand. Actually, this would probably cloud your judgement — and this is, I might say, the primary means by which so many women today who are unfit for marriage end up eventually finding husbands. Heavily-indebted sluts with tattoos have to do something when, around age 28, they decide to go looking for their Captain Save-A-Ho, but don’t let them do it to you.

In the Courtship Model, you make it clear upfront that you are looking for a wife, and there is going to be a straight Yes or No result in a short amount of time. Women too, given a Take It Or Leave It proposal, might find that they would rather Take It than take their chances with whatever other nebulous happenstance (“dating”) that constitutes her other options, even if she doesn’t really know you that well.

The advantage of the girl who does not have sex with you before marriage is, of course, that she also does not have sex with other men before marriage. Remember how sweet and tender your first girlfriend was? It was probably in high school. A woman will never have that kind of pair-bonding potential again. Every time a woman has a failed relationship (including those that she ends herself), she adds to her distrust and hard-heartedness towards men. She builds the habit that relationships don’t last. This is one reason why marriages with virgin brides have the highest success rate, even in an environment like ours today where divorce is promoted from every angle.

Recently, it was discovered that women retain the DNA (from semen) from every man they have sex with. Ponder that for a while.

Among other things, a woman that is a virgin at marriage today is already well-practiced at separating herself from the mainstream culture. It is true that this may have been imposed on her by her parents, and reinforced by her community such as a church group — and she might not be so successful at this when these supports are removed. Nevertheless, it is a good precedent for avoiding all the other negative influences from media and society that she will be exposed to throughout her life.

This woman should be young — age 16-25, with an ideal around 18-20. I would not cross out sixteen-year-olds today. You might have to get things rolling at an early point, maybe have a discussion with her mother, so that she does not end up going off to college and making a mess of her wifely potential. Then, you can marry at 18. Saint Mary was sixteen when she married Joseph, who was much older. It worked out OK. She is not going to get any better with age.

You can scope out the family that she comes from, which will probably be pretty good. Their wealth and status is not such a big deal, since it is primarily you who are bringing the money to the table, but obviously there is better and worse here. Look for high standards, a strong sense of morals and behavior, and encouragement of wifely skills and natural feminine inclinations, such as a love of children. There aren’t many quality virgin girls who grew up in single-mother households with a revolving door of boyfriends. Feminists go direct to the trashcan, although it is hard to imagine a (voluntary) feminist virgin.

Of course she should be pretty, and slim, but it is not necessary that she be a great beauty. As has been said many times down through the centuries, sometimes it is nice to have a wife that does not attract the attention of every man in the room. Often, a husband sort of forgets what his wife looks like, due to constant exposure. He doesn’t really know if another man might think her very pretty, or not so much. Even if she really is an extraordinary beauty, you won’t care that much, and whether she has a bad habit of nagging and complaining, or if she is a good cook, will be much more important to you. Likewise if she is somewhat plain. But, there is no reason to accept ugly and fat girls, unless perhaps they come from wealthy families. In general, if a woman is tolerably pretty and slim, then various character traits are much more important than an additional step up in beauty. Beauty is often overvalued in the wife-choosing process, and also, it fades. Just as location, location, location is the rule for real estate (rather than the building itself, such as how many bathrooms it has, which tends to get too much attention from the homebuyer), so too character, character, character is the rule for women. It is said that, after age 40, you get the face (and body) you deserve, and many women who were a 6/10 in their youth can advance to an 8/10 or even 9/10, compared to other women in their age group, from taking good care of themselves. Other women crash into obesity. In other words, character also produces beauty, later in life.

Probably you will want a wife whose intelligence is somewhat similar to your own. An intelligent man will want someone he can talk with. A man of average intelligence will want a woman who does not think he is a dunce. But, intelligence is not the same as education, or the ability to jump through educational hoops on demand. Smart girls are usually smart in their free time. Look for the seventeen-year-old girl who is reading George Eliot for fun because she finds Hollywood movies intolerably stupid. She isn’t going to get any smarter at college. But, a woman can be a very good wife, without needing much intelligence. Character is not the same as intelligence. There are a lot of smart girls who will use their wonderful brains to figure out novel ways to skin you alive in divorce court, or to invent a neverending deluge of plausible reasons why It Is All Your Fault, or why you need to do XYZ because Feminism.

It helps if you are in love with each other — that there is mutual attraction that goes beyond your respective “courtship resumes,” and it is not so much of a dry business proposition. Since you will probably have a fair amount of experience, and she not very much, it might be mostly a matter of her falling in love with you, and you liking it. Often, all this takes is for her to be in your general vicinity for an adequate amount of time — with the unspoken understanding that she might be riding your dick soon if things go well, which is pretty exciting for a virgin of eighteen. This is one goal of the courtship process.

Much more can be said about these matters, which I will get to in time. But, already perhaps I have convinced many men that the Courtship Model is what they want to follow, when it is their time to do what 92% of men eventually do.