MGTOW for Marriage

A lot of men these days are “going MGTOW,” whether they choose those terms overtly, or as the unplanned result of a mood of coolness and caution regarding all interactions with women. They simply see nothing to be gained from interaction with women (beyond a certain point set by personal preference), and much to be lost. This requires men to give up things they hold dear, including children and family. But, the problem today is that marriage does not lead to children and family. Instead, it is the leading cause of divorce; and divorce often results in a man’s children being stolen from him, financial annihilation and multiple years of financial servitude to a woman who is his declared enemy. Even men who avoid divorce find that they are in unhappy marriages. I’ve said that only about 20% of American women make good wives. From that, it follows that only about 20% of American marriages work out well, for the man.

But, I think that this produces the wrong impression. I don’t think MGTOW men (and those that sympathize, the broader red-pill community) are against marriage. They are in favor of marriage. They would like it if, as in the past, a man that marries has a good chance of benefiting from the arrangement; and that, if things don’t work out, the consequences are not total financial and emotional annihilation. They do not have any alternative solution that works on the societal level. But, certain things need to happen before we get to that point.

The basic complaints of the RedPill/MGTOW group are two:

  1. The legal/institutional structures today — family court, domestic violence, “sexual harassment,” the university, the corporation, Twitter’s thought police — make all interaction with women fraught with peril. Not all women have to be like that. If even 1 out of 100 women begin attacking a man with completely false or exaggerated “sexual harassment” or domestic violence claims, leading to job loss, career destruction, a criminal record, fines or imprisonment — the risk is too high to interact with the other 99.

2. Women’s behavior. Women today are simply badly behaved. This can extend to false/exaggerated “sexual harassment,” “sexual assault” or domestic violence claims. But, it also includes a wide range of behaviors that simply make all relationships with women, especially marriage or other long-term relationships, perilous and unrewarding. This is related to the first item: when women are given the ability to do harm to men, they take advantage of this, either in the form of direct harm, or the threat of it. The legal/institutional structure today demands a higher standard of behavior from women. It demands a higher virtue. No longer are women constrained by laws or social strictures — external punishments, or even guidelines. They must discipline their actions themselves. Obviously, this is rare.

Much of the purpose of this website is to fix these problems. The fixes are:

  1. Men need to become politically active, and change the legal/institutional structures. This means that men need to join together into influential groups. That is why I say that, as a way to begin this process, give some money to some men (for example an MRA group) who are doing this work. Some women will support this change. Not a lot, perhaps — let’s say it is 30% — but that is enough to give a majority.

2. Tell women what to do. Women need to be given a simple, easy to follow template of good behavior. The traditional word for this is “morality.” Much of the RedPill space devolves into extravagant analysis of the present situation. This has been worthwhile, but there is more to it than that. Along the way, we can also give men a similar template. Unfortunately, men’s behavior is not so good either, although it is not so harmful to others as women’s. It is more in the nature of being weak, confused and complacent. That is why my admonition is:

Get up off your knees.
Get your patriarchy on.
Tell women what to do.

It is a three-step process.

We can debate what, exactly, we should tell women what to do. But, oddly, there seems to be consensus on that. If you look at such disparate sources as RooshV or Lori Alexander, or Stephen Molyneux or myself, it is almost the same thing: get married young, have lots of children, and be a stay-at-home mom.

The point is: MGTOW is a last-ditch strategy for self-preservation. It is not supposed to be a lasting, long-term “solution.” Most RedPill/MGTOW men would cheer if Problem #1 and Problem #2 above could be fixed, so we could get married and have families again.

Against this, we have the “conservative pro-marriage group.” These people are also in favor of marriage and family, which is a noble and correct thing. However, they have not addressed, and have no solution for, Problems #1 and #2 above. Thus, they are simply tossing good men into the meatgrinder, which in turn makes MGTOW even stronger. Instead of taking a stance on Problem #1 and #2, they have “converged” with mainstream feminism, which means that they are actually making Problem #1 and #2 worse. Their reaction to the problems of the legal/institutional framework is commonly to make them even worse — even more harmful to men.

For example, conservatives have backed the escalation of punishments for “deadbeat dads” which can lead to a prison sentence for many. This is perhaps the only financial obligation in existence today which leads to prison. If you default on your home loan, car loan or credit cards, or even your taxes, you will suffer consequences but you will not go to prison. If you don’t make your childcare payments — because, let’s say, you lost your job and you can’t — then off to the big house you go. Men conclude: don’t get married, out of simple self-preservation.

Conservatives have taken women’s side — the feminist stance — on every moral issue. Every conceivable problem in a marriage is claimed to be the man’s fault. If a woman flat out cheats on her husband, and the base reason is nothing more than a “fear of missing out” on the Sex In The City sexual escapades that other women seem to be enjoying, that is her husband’s fault for not being sexually appealing enough. If a woman divorces her husband for no other reason than “I’m not haaaaaappy,” destroying the family unit with lasting consequences for the children, that is again the husband’s fault. Men look at this and see: we will get no support even from Conservative sources, including the Church. They conclude that they should not get married, out of simple self-preservation.

Thus, I find that MGTOW today should, at least in principle, also become champions of marriage and family — in principle, if not exactly in practice, under today’s conditions. Traditional conservatives need to get to work fixing Problem #1 and #2, rather than making things worse, and leading another generation of men to their doom.

Published by proprietor

Happily married, with children.

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