Can’t Find a Good Man

We’re hearing more of the “can’t find a good man” line from women these days — mostly, women over 27yo. What were they doing during their decade of prime marriageability, attractiveness, and fertility, ages 16-25? What would these 30+yo women do if they found a good man, today? Would they be Good Wives and Good Mothers? Would they make him miserable for about eight years before taking his children and assets in divorce court? Are they even capable of having children?

Marriage is way too risky in general these days, but the risk/reward proposition is particularly bad among women over Age 26 who were doing something for the last decade besides Looking For A Good Man.

Girls, we’re friendzoning all the good guys!” says Kristen Corley. Let’s see what she means.

“He’s not my type,” I said trying to justify my previous actions.

“Why because he treats you well,” my friend said completely calling me out on my bullshit.

But the truth was if I said I’m not attracted to him, he made it too easy and as much as the idea floated in my head considering it, I wasn’t interested.

I wanted to be. I would have loved to say I left that date and went right home instead of right to the nearest fuckboys house who I had been seeing more off than on.

And the only difference between these two guys was one kept me completely on my toes, one kept me guessing, one kept me playing this game I swore I hated. And I was more physically attracted to him than anyone I had ever met.

The other answered every text quickly, paid for everything, opened my door and told me exactly how he felt and on many occasions dropped whatever he was doing if I asked.

I cried that entire drive home. I cried because I knew what I deserved and I knew I was choosing the opposite. But the heart wants what it wants. And that was the problem.

We claim we want a good and decent guy but when we meet him, we look for every reason we don’t want to give him a chance. Maybe it’s his appearance. Maybe it’s his demeanor. Maybe he’s exactly everything we want and need. But we dabble with the idea, liking them one day, then ignoring them the next. Blowing up their social media one day then doing the casual fade out.

We like the attention but we don’t like it enough to reciprocate it. So we text them every few weeks just to boost our own confidence that they’ll answer and they do like us still.

But to look at someone who would do anything for you and someone who says all the things we wish someone else would, it’s disrespecting and hurting the one person who wouldn’t do the same.

I sat stag at an event looking more beautiful than ever and dropping more than I should have to impress someone who didn’t even respect me enough to show up. Again let down by the same person who continued to disappointment me.

“I would have come if you needed me there,” I read in a text that made me smile and frown. Despite it being 3 hours away and me not even considering asking him in the first place, the other guy would have been there.

I showed the text to my friend, “he might not be what you want but he’s what you deserve.”

That statement stayed with me.

Maybe we aren’t getting the person we deserve not out of bad luck but because we are choosing the wrong people.

We throw all these great guys in the friendzone claiming there is no spark but we don’t even wanna see if there will be. We run from all the right things into the arms of the person who is completely wrong.

My heart hurts for these guys. The ones who deserve the same type of love and affection they are willing to give. The guys who look at their best girl space friend and want nothing more than to delete that space and make them theirs.

The guys who are there every time she gets hurt. And when she questions her self-worth because of some asshole who doesn’t see her beauty, you are perplexed. Because you look at this girl like she’s the most beautiful one there is. And no matter how much you tell her, she doesn’t believe you because it isn’t coming from the guy she wants to hear it from. You keep your feelings quietly tucked away because you aren’t what she wants, so you stay friends hoping and praying for the day maybe it will hit her that you can be more than someone who dries her tears. Maybe you can be the one who doesn’t cause them at all.

My heart hurts for the guys who think they have to change and be an asshole because it seems that’s what girls want.

To those guys I say, don’t change. Don’t do anything different than be exactly who you are. And don’t settle in love simply because someone couldn’t reciprocate all you have to give. Because one day someone will. And they’ll be everything you deserve. And when you introduce them to your girl space friend I promise the idea will cross her mind, “that could have been me.”

And to the ladies who don’t give these good guys chances, one day you’re going to get tired of dating assholes and you’re going to look around at the person who was had been there the whole time and he’ll be gone.

This Good Guy is way too simp-y, but even so, this is what these 27+yo “I can’t find a Good Guy” women were doing, before they turned 27. Obviously, nobody wants to be the Good Guy. Everybody shits on that guy. They should be the Fuckboy, or at least, imitate one convincingly. Nobody should marry this woman, when she finally gets to her “I can’t find a Good Guy” phase a few years from now. Let her marry some idiot. Then, you can be her Fuckboy on the side, after she is married. These women eventually go looking for their Good Guy, but after they get married, they can’t give up their Fuckboy habit.

They say that “All Women Are Like That,” but I think it is more like: most women end up like that, after a decade of chasing fuckboys. They don’t start off that way. If Good Guys are going to have a chance at all, they need to look for virgins in the 18-20yo range. If Good Girls are going to have a chance at all, they have to avoid making the same mistakes that all the other women make.

Published by proprietor

Happily married, with children.

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