Most people do things “on autopilot.” Basically, they do what everyone around them is doing. For a long time, this worked, sort of. People got married, somehow. But, it deteriorated over time, and today, it doesn’t look like it works at all. SigmaFrame had a nice look into the “dating market” today. Basically, there is no “dating,” whatever that means. “Dating” used to mean: a monogamous “relationship,” and the process of getting to that point. Today, if you even go on a “date” at all, it mostly social foreplay for a hookup.
Today, most young women are going to do what all the other young women are doing. In other words, they will follow the herd. The herd isn’t going anywhere you want to go. Women complain about this, but they still follow the herd. They are wishing and hoping that the herd will go in a different direction. That might happen eventually, but by then it will be too late for these women.
So, the most fundamental decision is: a) follow the herd; b) don’t follow the herd. It doesn’t matter what great insights or character you have, if you follow the herd, you are going to get the same results as everyone else. There are a lot of women who have a lot of insightful commentary, as they look out the window while following the herd.
If you don’t follow the herd, then obviously you are going to have to make some decisions. You are going to have to follow something — principles, a plan — instead of the herd. You can’t just wander aimlessly. “I’m not following the herd” is not, in itself, going to be effective. It is necessary but not sufficient.
I believe in Destiny. That is, often people have a plan for their life that is established before birth, and they have to follow that plan. If the plan is to become a nuclear physicist, then a woman should become a nuclear physicist, if she feels that internal need to do so. This is different than external pressure. Typically, these “plans” are contrary to external norms, and seem rather irrational. Being a Good Wife and Mother might be your destiny.
But, nevertheless, while making space for individual Destiny, most women should focus on family and children. Just do that, and do it well, and forget about the rest. This is where you want to take a stand. Forget about career, or traveling through Europe. Who cares. You might do this after you are married. You and your young husband can travel, and you can work as a childless married couple. But, it might be best to just have children quickly, and then you will be plenty busy and not at all interested in travel or career.
If you have a full passel of children by Age 25, which is not too hard if you get married by Age 19, then you will be done with child raising by Age 45. Then you have plenty of time for a career, if you want to go that route. Or, as “empty nesters” often do, you can travel.
Phyllis Schlafly had six children, and then, afterwards, had a career as lawyer, author of 20+ books, and public activist.
Ideally, a woman, or girl, would do this early on, around Age 13. She would prepare for this process, so that when she was Age 16, she would begin the active search for a man to marry, leading to marriage around Age 18-20. If things didn’t go so smoothly, she would still have a few buffer years, Age 21-25, to get things done. After Age 25 — a full decade into the husband-hunting process — you would have to ask why she is still single.
Unfortunately, since most girls aren’t starting this process at Age 13, they will have to play catchup.
A woman would live at her father’s house until marriage. Of course she was a Debt-Free Virgin Without Tattoos. I would recommend not only no sex before marriage, but also no kissing above the wrist. This should serve as good motivation to get married quickly. I would not recommend college, but a woman can certainly be ambitious about educating herself, at home. In practice, almost any kind of self-education today is better than almost any college, and also it’s free.
A woman, even one who is perhaps 25yo and now playing catchup, should prepare to serve the role as a Good Wife and Good Mother. This is a role, and you have to play the role well. If you don’t want to play that role, then don’t get married and don’t have children. You can go play the role of the Good Employee or Good Aunt or Good Girlfriend until the end of your days. That is fine.
When I say a “role,” I mean simply that you must function well in that position. Most women today become irate that anyone should have any expectations of them. A woman can do what she wants, but nobody should engage her as a Wife and Mother, if she is incapable and unwilling to function in that role. For example, I do not insist that any man today learn auto repair. A man can do what he likes. But, if I want someone to fix my car, he had better be good at auto repair. He has the skills and preparation and willingness to serve a certain role. He fixes my car, and I pay him. We are both better off.
Today, the preparation for a Good Wife and a Good Mother is complicated by the fact that there aren’t many good examples to follow. A woman should study these roles diligently. You might have not much more than dusty old books to go by, the record and remains of prior successful civilizations. Even today, there are better sorts of wives, particularly among the upper middle class, but very few that are not substantially compromised by feminism and the other problems of our age.
The dustiest and oldest book is the Bible, which has quite a lot of good guidance in it. I would look at this even if you are not a practicing Christian. It helps to have a guide to the Bible. I recommend Lori Alexander at The Transformed Wife (thetransformedwife.com). The basic principles of being a Good Wife and a Good Mother seem to be universal. They are much the same in India and China as in the West. But, just as a book written in Chinese doesn’t help us much, the Christian tradition is our “moral language.”
I have come to appreciate that it is important for a woman to read old novels, of a high moral character. These are books for children, and also adults. Only in novels do we have a portrayal of real life, an example to follow, not vague abstract principles. Some good books include:
All of Jane Austen’s books
The books of Charles Dickens, notably David Copperfield
Children’s books including The Little House on the Prairie series, Little Women series, Anne of Green Gables series, and the books of Francis Hodgson Burnett (The Secret Garden, The Little Princess, Little Lord Fauntleroy). I would read these children’s books even as an adult.
To have the proper effect, I would eliminate all major media, including all movies and television, magazines and newspapers, and most popular music. All of this is corrupt. You need to flush out the filth in your mind and replace it with something more wholesome.
I would seek out communities of like-minded young women — especially young married TradBabes with children. Twitter has a strong TradBabe community. Start with @helen_of_roy, @amorettelocke/@trophywifentlsm and @RRR0BYN. It would be hard to find anything similar “in real life,” even among church groups, but it is worth trying. I think it is good if your role models are Babes, because Babes have options. The fact that they have intentionally chosen to be Good Wives and Mothers, and are actually doing that with a real-life husband and real-life children before the age of 30, or ideally before the age of 25, is important. You don’t want to get the impression that marriage is for ugly girls that “had to settle.” You don’t want to get the impression that you should spend your twenties posting TradBabe memes on Twitter, while remaining single. You don’t want to get the impression that you should spend your twenties “saving yourself for marriage” sometime around Age 28-30, instead of Making Babies with the man you specially chose to do that all the time with. You do not want to become a “season of singleness coach” in your twenties, or a celibate Instagram model, or spend years with a celibate boyfriend. Get married and make babies. In the past, women “saved themselves for marriage” for two whole years, between Age 16 and 18. It wasn’t that difficult.
Mrs. Midwest is a total babe, and a married mother of two. Just like it should be. Lucky husband!
That is enough for now, but I will continue with this theme.