Having Dinner

“Dating” is deteriorating so quickly, it seems like it changes week to week. Now we have very attractive women complaining that it is hard to:

get married,
have a long-term monogamous “relationship,”
find an ongoing “situationship,”
get taken to a restaurant.

This seems to be the natural outcome of online dating. Even the ugliest women swipe left (reject) 95% of the men on the first pass. Women fight over the remaining 5% and wonder why they can’t get commitment. Where are all the Good Guys? You Swiped Left on them on the first pass, baby.

Since these women very clearly could get a trip to a restaurant from someone, who is not too ugly, but actually in the Top 20% of men, but apparently need some training in how to do that, here we go:

  1. Go on a dating app, preferably one that is not too whorish (Bumble instead of Tinder).

2. Out of the first 40 men that the app presents to you, you must Swipe Right (choose to connect) with 25% of them, or 10 men. Continue to Swipe Right on 25% of men until you get ten matches. Do not go beyond these first ten matches. If you are a 6/10 or less, then Swipe Right on 50% of men, until you get ten matches.

3. Contact these men via text, and immediately set up a date. Do not banter except to set up an in-person meeting. You should set up a meeting (a “date”) with all of the ten men you originally matched with. No video chats or other not-in-person options.

4. Go to whatever sort of date the man suggests. If he asks you what you want to do, tell him that you want to go to a nice dress-up restaurant, but that you are willing to pay for your own meal. Coffee dates, walks in the park, etc. are OK. This is because men don’t want to make a big date commitment for a woman they have not met before. There are a lot of Foodie Call girls, catfishers, filtered and photoshopped photos, old photos, age liars, marital status liars, and other stuff on dating apps. Or, a man might just find a girl repulsive in person. Anyway, if you want a relationship (instead of a free meal), it shouldn’t matter where you go. On your first date, be pleasant, fun, and agreeable, even if you decide that you do not want to see this particular man again. Make an effort. Do not just sit and wait to be entertained. This is not YouTube. Coffee dates or other daytime activities are actually good because that means a man is interested in getting to know you as a person. It is hard to hook up at 2pm in the afternoon. Low-key dates like coffee dates do not require much dressing up or makeup. About the typical “work day makeup” is fine. Men like to see what a woman really looks like. Go makeup-free if you have the guts. Evening drink dates are commonly Player types. You can still go on evening drink dates. But, stay at a public venue, like a cafe, bar, or a park. No at-home dates, such as “Netflix and chill.” Allow the man to kiss you at the end of the date (even if you don’t like him). However, nothing beyond a friendly kiss. No sex, especially with the evening-drink guys, even if you want to.

5. Go on a second date with at least seven of your original ten men. You can decline to meet again with up to three of the original ten men. Or, maybe they will decline to meet with you. Anyway, aim to go on a second date with seven of the original ten men. Do not get back on the dating app to find new dates. Work only with what you have already. You might not have liked them very much on your first date, but that might get better with a little more familiarity. Many men are not good at entertaining strangers on the first meeting, but make pretty good companions over time. If he is not good at entertaining strangers, then you can entertain him instead, so that you both have a good time. (You’re good at that, right?) This time, you can say that you want to go to a nice dress-up restaurant. Be pleasant, fun and interesting, even if you are not particularly attracted to a man. Pay for your meal, or allow the man to pay, if he wants to. Do not be resentful if you pay for your own meal. Allow the man to kiss you at the end of the date (even if you don’t like him). However, nothing beyond a friendly kiss. No sex.

6. Go on a third date with at least four of the seven men from your second date. Go to a nice restaurant, if you didn’t manage to do so earlier. Be pleasant, fun and interesting, even if you are not particularly attracted to a man. Pay for your meal, or allow the man to pay, if he wants to. Allow the man to kiss you at the end of the date (even if you don’t like him). However, nothing beyond a friendly kiss. No sex.

On this third date, ask the man: “Do you think you might be interested in getting married with me, perhaps within about six months?” Insist on a detailed, sincere, honest answer. No jokey, evasive answers. This might bring up a number of secondary topics, which you can discuss, such as: How many children do you want? Do you want to be a stay-at-home Mom? Are your parents divorced? Do you even have a father? Are you on prescription medications? Do this even if you do not want to marry this man.

7. Continue meeting with one or some of these remaining four men, or get ten new ones. This whole process (10+7+4=21 dates) should take 4-8 weeks. If you have sex with one of these men, then you have to immediately stop seeing other men. No more dating. You are in a monogamous “relationship.” If you are a virgin-until-marriage girl, then you obviously do not have sex with any of these men, and you can also continue dating. However, at some point, if you find the right sort of man, you should start to see him exclusively, with the aim of getting married within about six months of your first meeting; or, perhaps, not.

Published by proprietor

Happily married, with children.

3 thoughts on “Having Dinner

  1. How is this strategy so unknown by young women? Because its the way a goal oriented man does things. She has a 10:1 ratio of men chasing one woman. How can she not win?


  2. Didn’t you just get done putting up a “men need to get used to not kissing their brides until marriage” post?

    And now you’re telling women to allow men they don’t like to kiss them?

    Women let men kiss them before marriage; or women refuse to kiss men before marriage. Pick one.
    I can agree with almost all of this. A few suggestions

    1) She should contact men she likes and get to know them via text and phone before meeting in person. This process should take not more than a week.

    2) After getting to know men she likes, she should offer to meet them in person for a date. She should ask for an in person meeting not later than a week of “meeting” online. Any man who balks at an in person date is not interested enough, and should be nexted.

    3) She should not agree to being taken out for dinner. She should not agree even to pay for her own meal. She hasn’t earned his company at a nice restaurant. Worse, after a long meal and going dutch, she’ll feel instantly unattracted to that man. She’s wasted her time and his. It isn’t just the money, it’s the time. His time is valuable and if it’s all going to be wasted with a woman who loses attraction because they went dutch, it’s not worth it.

    Coffee date, walk date, museum/public place date. Under absolutely no circumstances should she go on a first date where he will spend a significant amount of time or money.

    4) The date is limited to one hour unless it is going extremely well and then she can extend it out a little more.

    5) Kissing: She should initiate the kiss, but only if she is interested in the man. If she’s not interested in him, she should end the date as soon as possible and refuse any physical contact.

    She should kiss the man or let him kiss her only if she is interested in a second date. If not, she should politely and firmly decline to let him kiss her. If he asks if he can kiss her, she should say “no” and next him. She will not be interested enough in a man who asks.

    6) No ghosting. If she is not interested in a man for whatever reason, she should tell him that right away. Do it kindly and discreetly, but firmly.

    7) She should not ask him if he is interested in marrying her on the third date. What she should do is this: “I am interested in getting married. Are you interested in getting married at some point?” and state very clearly what she is looking for in a husband. He will get the point. Then after some discussion about that, perhaps at a fifth or sixth date, broach the “do you think you’d be interested in marrying me at some point?” question.


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