Today, a small wedding makes sense. The fact of the matter is, our wedding habits are formed from a time when nearly all the guests lived within a 20 mile radius. I suppose you could argue that 20 miles, in the old days, was still a full day’s travel, and that a five-hour flight from the East to West Coast is not much different, in terms of time and relative expense. Nevertheless, it is a lot to ask of our more distant relatives and friends to get on a plane for a wedding. When you consider not only the expense to the families of the wedding couple, but also everything spent by guests on travel, hotels, gifts, clothing (such as matching dresses for bridesmaids), and so forth, the total cost of a wedding today is completely absurd. Just stay home and send the couple $1000 via Paypal.
Once you have cut down the guest list, it is not too hard to keep overall expenses low. I would aim for less than $3000 for the wedding, all in, with about 20 guests. This is enough for a pleasant venue and a nice dinner.
But, let’s say that you want a big wedding, which we will define as 50 to 100 guests. Here is a real-world solution, which you can adjust to fit your own real-world circumstances.
Near us is a State Park that has a nice stone building, or “pavilion,” on a lake. It has tables for about 80 guests, and attached bathrooms and a kitchen. It costs $150 to rent for a day.
Let’s say that we will max out this facility at 80 guests. We will need a few things: tablecloths, dishware and glassware for 80 people. Probably, we can rent this somewhere, but actually, used high-quality dishware and glassware is so cheap these days that we can probably buy high-quality china for 80 people for less than one day’s rental fee. I would guess about $300 would do it. You might also ask guests (basically, older mothers) to bring their own quality dishware, glassware and table linens for use at the event, if they live nearby.
Ask some of the guests to do the cooking and serving. Probably, this will be older moms, accompanied by younger daughters. Other guests, who have more money than time, can be asked to provide some materials for the dinner, such as wine or necessary ingredients. Some guests can simply make a monetary contribution. A few guests offering $100 each would cover most food costs.
All in, the total cost might be around $3000 for 80 guests, which can be completely covered with wedding gifts/donations, for a net cost of $0.
Hold the wedding ceremony at the facility, or at a church.
SigmaFrame did a useful rundown of “red pill” bloggers. This does not include YouTube, but most of the heavy lifting is still done in long-format print. SigmaFrame lamented that the “Christian redpill,” “Marriage redpill,” and “Fatherhood and family redpill” segments are notably scarce.
I would categorize our efforts here as “Marriage RedPill” and “Fatherhood and Family redpill.” This also makes it “Christian-friendly,” although we are not really proper Christians around here.
The basic theme of this blog is “building.” It is not “analyzing the decline,” “dealing with what we have,” or even “finding solutions,” although there is a lot of that. It is more about “explaining and implementing solutions.” Or, as I put it:
Get up off your knees. (Stop complaining and acting helpless. Don’t expect women to fix the problems.) Get your patriarchy on. (Men are builders. Women will never do it.) Tell the Bitches What to Do. (Mostly, after Men establish their own goals or blueprints, and personal behaviors in accordance to those goals, which is an internal process, the main next step is to instruct women. Kevin Samuels is a good example of what I mean. The process of discussion itself is “telling men what to do,” but you really can’t tell men, you can just suggest.)
After reviewing the options, we around here have decided that the traditional pattern of marriage and family, found in nearly all successful advanced cultures, would be our strategy of choice. For one thing, it works. And also, history tells us that it seems to be the only thing that works. Or, there would be some example, somewhere, of some other successful system, and not just a society in degeneracy and decline. But, the basic patterns of the Christian world before 1900 were also the same in India, China, the Middle East (or Islam, which is basically Christianity 2.0) and Japan. We might make mention of polygamy, which has a long history especially in the Muslim world. This does appear to be sustainable. But, it has been noted through the centuries that this has many inherent problems. For every man with five wives, there are four men without wives. Much else leads from this.
I recommend that most men make an effort to get married and have plenty of children. I suggest a stay-at-home Wife and Mother, with homeschooling a high priority. However, this requires a woman that is capable of being a Good Wife and a Good Mother, even in today’s environment with all its corruptive influences. If you can’t find a good woman, forget it. Do not attempt to turn a Hoe into a Housewife. Let the Strong and Independent women (aka “shrews”) be Strong and Independent. Especially, Independent. Probably, this implies that only about 30% of men would marry. But, since there are still a lot of stupid men, unfit women still have a lot of options.
I have not said too much about maintaining a family and raising children. But, if you have got this far, I don’t think it will be too difficult. Mostly, girls should be expected to live at home until marriage, preferably around Age 18-20. Basically, Jane Austen. I think we can make some allowance for individual oddities. But, that should be the main pattern. Most women should have children; and, after having children, should raise them. Some women will go without marriage and children. Some women will have children, but will have others raise them, in a successful manner, which probably means private nannies, governesses and tutors, or possibly, relatives such as siblings or parents.
Today, there seems to be a bifurcation growing. I personally do not feel the need to worry about mainstream society much. My son will probably find a wife among the homeschool community. Among all the other desirable features — a debt-free virgin without tattoos — we can now add: no Covid vaxxes. This is becoming a breakaway society, which I think will intensify soon.
Here’s Melanie King, commenting on a video of a woman who, apparently, actually called in to Kevin Samuels’ show, and actually followed his advice. It worked!
This woman now has her own YouTube channel, RealFemSapien, where you can get some of the advice that mothers used to regularly tell their daughters, but don’t anymore.
Men can tell the Wifey women right away. Note that she wears a dress, has longish hair of a natural color, and not much makeup. She has some tattoos, left over from past error, but no noserings. But, mostly she says the right things.
Other than that, she is, perhaps, nothing special. She has an average background (lower middle class), average looks (but not fat), and, maybe, average intelligence. This is good. Average woman can be Max Wifey too, and gain all the Wifey benefits. It is not reserved to a special slice of the upper middle class.
Today, there being not so many Wifey girls out there, the few that exist have an unnatural advantage. This woman seems to have married well above her socioeconomic class.
Let’s also take note of Melanie King herself, who is a 10/10 for looks, and a 9/10 or even a 10/10 for brains. Plus, she is very Wifey-friendly. This combination puts her in the Top 1% of all American women. But, she is not actually so Wifey herself. She has more of a “doing her own thing” energy. I don’t get the impression that having a family is a priority for her, even though she encourages it for others.
This is simple advice for girls: No tattoos, and also, no piercings — especially those horrible “snot hoop” rings that seem to be everywhere these days. Earrings are OK.
There are actually some women who are looking for a man who likes books like Fascinating Womanhood. Also, most of them are better looking than average. (No blue hair, tattoos, nose rings, and fewer fatties.) Some of them are total babes.
Today, men are in a very bad way when it comes to marriage and family law. This is exacerbated by the fact that men don’t seem to want to organize themselves to do something about it.
But, maybe there is an easy way out — just don’t get a marriage license. Do not sign that contract with the State. You can still be married. It is really that simple? Here is a recent item from the comments section that suggests that … it really is!
For most women, they would like to be part of a herd to follow, or a tribe to be a part of, even if it is a little herd or tribe. This can be difficult to find “in real life.”
Our baby was breastfed throughout. He never tasted artificial “formula.” Actually, as an infant, he even refused to drink breast milk from a bottle. No bottles. Straight from the source.
This was no big deal, just as it is no big deal for all the other mammalian species.
“Baby formula” was recently called “Liquid Doritos,” and actually, that is not too far off. Here’s a list of ingredients:
Obviously, this is another advantage of the stay-at-home wife. The current ruckus over “baby formula,” and all the related arguments about “society doesn’t support mothers” etc., is really just a load of complaints about the natural and predictable consequences of working mothers. In the past, working mothers were mostly poor. Today, they are mostly feminists. They are putting their feminist agenda above the wellbeing of their children. It’s not really about babies, it’s about maintaining their feminist agenda. What, exactly, does this “support of mothers” look like? Dropping your child off at a government daycare? Maybe you should just sell your infant into slavery. Let someone else take care of it.
Men: If you are going to have a family, try to make it possible for your wife to stay at home.
The “birth certificate” is a relatively new thing, and very sinister. Basically, you are selling your child into slavery, owned by the government. I would look into alternatives, such as a self-made document recording the day of birth, signed by witnesses.
Every year thousands of Christians amble down to their local county courthouse and obtain a marriage license from the State in order to marry their future spouse. They do this unquestioningly. They do it because their pastor has told them to go get one, and besides, “everybody else gets one.” This article attempts to answer the question – why should we not get one?
1. The definition of a “license” demands that we not obtain one to marry.
Black’s Law Dictionary defines “license” as, “The permission by competent authority to do an act which without such permission, would be illegal.” We need to ask ourselves- why should it be illegal to marry without the State’s permission? More importantly, why should we need the State’s permission to participate in something which God instituted (Gen. 2:18-24)? We should not need the State’s permission to marry nor should we grovel before state officials to seek it. What if you apply and the State says “no”? You must understand that the authority to license implies the power to prohibit. A license by definition “confers a right” to do something. The State cannot grant the right to marry. It is a God-given right.
2. When you marry with a marriage license, you grant the State jurisdiction over your marriage.
When you marry with a marriage license, your marriage is a creature of the State. It is a corporation of the State! Therefore, they have jurisdiction over your marriage including the fruit of your marriage. What is the fruit of your marriage? Your children and every piece of property you own. There is plenty of case law in American jurisprudence which declares this to be true.
In 1993, parents were upset here in Wisconsin because a test was being administered to their children in the government schools which was very invasive of the family’s privacy. When parents complained, they were shocked by the school bureaucrats who informed them that their children were required to take the test by law and that they would have to take the test because they (the government school) had jurisdiction over their children. When parents asked the bureaucrats what gave them jurisdiction, the bureaucrats answered, “your marriage license and their birth certificates.” Judicially, and in increasing fashion, practically, your state marriage license has far-reaching implications.
3. When you marry with a marriage license, you place yourself under a body of law which is immoral.
By obtaining a marriage license, you place yourself under the jurisdiction of Family Court which is governed by unbiblical and immoral laws. Under these laws, you can divorce for any reason. Often, the courts side with the spouse who is in rebellion to God, and castigates the spouse who remains faithful by ordering him or her not to speak about the Bible or other matters of faith when present with the children.
As a minister, I cannot in good conscience perform a marriage which would place people under this immoral body of laws. I also cannot marry someone with a marriage license because to do so I have to act as an agent of the State! I would have to sign the marriage license, and I would have to mail it into the State. Given the State’s demand to usurp the place of God and family regarding marriage, and given it’s unbiblical, immoral laws to govern marriage, it would be an act of treason for me to do so.
4. The marriage license invades and removes God-given parental authority.
When you read the Bible, you see that God intended for children to have their father’s blessing regarding whom they married. Daughters were to be given in marriage by their fathers (Dt. 22:16; Ex. 22:17; I Cor. 7:38). We have a vestige of this in our culture today in that the father takes his daughter to the front of the altar and the minister asks, “Who gives this woman to be married to this man?”
Historically, there was no requirement to obtain a marriage license in colonial America. When you read the laws of the colonies and then the states, you see only two requirements for marriage. First, you had to obtain your parents permission to marry, and second, you had to post public notice of the marriage 5-15 days before the ceremony.
Notice you had to obtain your parents permission. Back then you saw godly government displayed in that the State recognized the parents authority by demanding that the parents permission be obtained. Today, the all-encompassing ungodly State demands that their permission be obtained to marry.
By issuing marriage licenses, the State is saying, “You don’t need your parents permission, you need our permission.” If parents are opposed to their child’s marrying a certain person and refuse to give their permission, the child can do an end run around the parents authority by obtaining the State’s permission, and marry anyway. This is an invasion and removal of God-given parental authority by the State.
5. When you marry with a marriage license, you are like a polygamist.
From the State’s point of view, when you marry with a marriage license, you are not just marrying your spouse, but you are also marrying the State. The most blatant declaration of this fact that I have ever found is a brochure entitled “With This Ring I Thee Wed.” It is found in county courthouses across Ohio where people go to obtain their marriage licenses. It is published by the Ohio State Bar Association. The opening paragraph under the subtitle “Marriage Vows” states, “Actually, when you repeat your marriage vows you enter into a legal contract. There are three parties to that contract. 1.You; 2. Your husband or wife, as the case may be; and 3. the State of Ohio.”
See, the State and the lawyers know that when you marry with a marriage license, you are not just marrying your spouse, you are marrying the State! You are like a polygamist! You are not just making a vow to your spouse, but you are making a vow to the State and your spouse. You are also giving undue jurisdiction to the State.
When Does the State Have Jurisdiction Over a Marriage?
God intended the State to have jurisdiction over a marriage for two reasons – 1). in the case of divorce, and 2). when crimes are committed i.e., adultery, bigamy. etc. Unfortunately, the State now allows divorce for any reason, and it does not prosecute for adultery. In either case, divorce or crime, a marriage license is not necessary for the courts to determine whether a marriage existed or not. What is needed are witnesses. This is why you have a best man and a maid of honor. They should sign the marriage certificate in your family Bible, and the wedding day guest book should be kept. Marriage was instituted by God, therefore it is a God-given right. According to Scripture, it is to be governed by the family, and the State only has jurisdiction in the cases of divorce or crime.
History of Marriage Licenses in America
George Washington was married without a marriage license. So, how did we come to this place in America where marriage licenses are issued? Historically, all the states in America had laws outlawing the marriage of blacks and whites. In the mid-1800’s, certain states began allowing interracial marriages or miscegenation as long as those marrying received a license from the state. In other words they had to receive permission to do an act which without such permission would have been illegal.
Blacks Law Dictionary points to this historical fact when it defines “marriage license” as, “A license or permission granted by public authority to persons who intend to intermarry.” “Intermarry” is defined in Black’s Law Dictionary as, “Miscegenation; mixed or interracial marriages.”
Give the State an inch and they will take a 100 miles (or as one elderly woman once said to me “10,000 miles.”) Not long after these licenses were issued, some states began requiring all people who marry to obtain a marriage license. In 1923, the Federal Government established the Uniform Marriage and Marriage License Act (they later established the Uniform Marriage and Divorce Act). By 1929, every state in the Union had adopted marriage license laws.
What Should We Do?
Christian couples should not be marrying with State marriage licenses, nor should ministers be marrying people with State marriage licenses. Some have said to me, “If someone is married without a marriage license, then they aren’t really married.” Given the fact that states may soon legalize same-sex marriages, we need to ask ourselves, “If a man and a man marry with a State marriage license, and a man and woman marry without a State marriage license – who’s really married? Is it the two men with a marriage license, or the man and woman without a marriage license? In reality, this contention that people are not really married unless they obtain a marriage license simply reveals how Statist we are in our thinking. We need to think biblically. (As for homosexuals marrying, outlaw sodomy as God’s law demands, and there will be no threat of sodomites marrying.)
You should not have to obtain a license from the State to marry someone anymore than you should have to obtain a license from the State to be a parent, which some in academic and legislative circles are currently pushing to be made law.
When I marry a couple, I always buy them a Family Bible which contains birth and death records, and a marriage certificate. We record the marriage in the Family Bible. What’s recorded in a Family Bible will stand up as legal evidence in any court of law in America. Early Americans were married without a marriage license. They simply recorded their marriages in their Family Bibles. So should we.
Matt Trewhella pastors Mercy Seat Christian Church, a non-incorporated non-501c3 free-church. This article is used with his permission.
Pastor Trewhella has been marrying couples without marriage licenses for ten years. Many other pastors also refuse to marry couples with State marriage licenses.
This pamphlet is not comprehensive in scope. Rather, the purpose of this pamphlet is to make you think and give you a starting point to do further study of your own. If you would like an audio sermon regarding this matter, just send a gift of at least five dollars in cash to: Mercy Seat Christian Church 10240 W. National Ave. PMB #129 Milwaukee, Wisconsin 53227, or go to www.mercyseat.net
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