In the era of Courtship (before 1920), young women generally lived at their father’s house until they were married. This produced a desirable wife — young, virginal, innocent, well-trained, well-cared-for, horny as heck and anxious for a home and husband of her own. But, a young man who lived at his father’s house was not exactly prime husband material.
There were some exceptions to this: In general, the eldest son would inherit the family farm/estate/business. As a young man, he would probably be “working” at the farm or business, in preparation to eventually taking it over. (Farming is hard work, and among the Amish today, men commonly step back from hard physical labor around age 50, leaving this to their sons.) These heirs could be desirable husbands, although they typically came with a lot of complications, in particular the mother-in-law who was often a tyrant to a young wife.
But, otherwise, a man would have to go out in the world and establish some kind of career. This took some time, and during that time, the man would often live alone. He might be traveling the world as a soldier, sailor or merchant. He might be moving from city to city, for business, or to build a career. When he got married, he was perhaps age 21-35, commonly 3-10 years older than his wife who married at age 16-25.
During this time, a man might gain some “experience” — that is, he was not a virgin at marriage. Usually this was not talked about much, and it was easiest to just make believe that he was a virgin like his wife. Also, it was, to some degree, a sign that the man was not a complete loser, and could make things happen in the world. A little dalliance was looked over, but debauchery (a “rake”) was not respected. As I noted earlier, it appears that the pair-bonding effect in men declines over a much longer period than for women. While the pair-bonding effect deteriorates with perhaps five partners for women, it takes thirty for men. Most men did not come anywhere near this figure before getting married, so their pair-bonding impulse was largely intact.
I have been enjoying this summary by Sigma Frame about the state of “courtship models” today. But, as I have said, I do not want to repeat this analysis, which has been very well done by others, nor particularly add to it, since I think we have mostly done enough by this point, and what has been done is mostly correct, or functional — not in error.
But, all of this has to be boiled down into some basic structures, or “things to do.” As I have said, it has to be something that a fourteen-year-old girl can understand, and put into practice — and get good results. The most recent attempt to do so, the “purity movement” of the 1990s and 2000s, ran into a surprising number of difficulties. Nevertheless, it was a noble and earnest attempt, which continues today in an evolving form. We should respect all those that participated. It is not easy to be pioneers.
I read the novels of the nineteenth century with interest, because it was the last time that “courtship” worked properly in the West. One of the things you notice is that there is no “dating.” Courting couples do not dress up and go to restaurants. From the highest levels of society (War and Peace) to the lowest (Little House on the Prairie, or Peggotty and Mr. Barkis in David Copperfield), nobody ever goes to a restaurant. They do not seem to exist.
The primary social interactions seem to be social events (particularly dances), and also, visits to a young woman at her father’s home. In practice, in small communities everybody tended to know everyone else from childhood, and would bump into each other while going about their business, or in church (this is perhaps one reason why people made such an effort to dress up for church). Among the leisure class, people made a constant stream of visits to each others’ houses. In those days, there was no television, recorded music, radio, internet, video games or social media. If you were tired of reading, there wasn’t much else to do but talk to your neighbors. People did not suffer from an excess of choice. Your future spouse probably grew up within forty miles of you.
Courtship was not supposed to be “for fun,” but it was supposed to be fun — that is, a woman and a man would enjoy spending time together. If a man showed a heightened level of interests in a woman, and they were understood to be “courting,” it was expected that the man would either propose to the girl, or get lost within a few months. If a woman was expecting a proposal from a man she liked, and planned to accept it, she might refuse the advances of other men during that time. If it turned out that the man was just fooling around and having fun (“having fun” here meaning spending some pleasant time together, probably without getting to the handholding stage), then he would be wasting the woman’s time and she might have turned down some other suitors that were more serious. This is actually a major plot device in some novels. If you were aiming to get married at age 18, you couldn’t dilly-dally with timewasters.
Nevertheless, “courting” was mostly supposed to be light and enjoyable, like “dating” today. Of course there was always the consideration of whether a person (the man, usually) was an appropriate match, but this happened in the background. The purpose of “courting” at all was to develop or explore some connection between the pair that went beyond their “courtship resumes.” It was also to develop the interest and motivation that would lead young people to make a commitment. It was about “soft” aspects — personality, character, physical appearance. If it was only about “courtship resumes,” then you could just have an arranged marriage and forget about “courtship.”
A lot of “courting” was done with the assistance of older adults, particularly a woman’s mother and her matronly friends. It became known that a young woman, or a young man, was serious about finding a spouse, and pretty soon the older women would be involved in matchmaking. This relied, in part, upon a community of older women, which was more common when women were housewives, and weren’t distracted by television. They spent a lot more time chatting together, under one pretense or another.
Courtship could be very brief. In Hermann and Dorothea (1797), by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, a young man meets the woman of his interest for the first time in the morning. Her background is checked out by some older, wiser friends (a doctor and a priest) in the afternoon. He proposes to her (with some plot complications) that evening, and they are married before midnight.
At times, courtship could be extended for a very long time, but this was really “engagement,” not courtship. The promise to marry was already given (although it could be taken away). The most common reason was that the young man had good prospects (he was in law school for example) but was not yet ready to support a family. Or, perhaps there was some other complication, such as that the woman was in mourning for her father.
Marriage itself was not some drawn-out affair, as it often becomes today, with planning stretching over a year. Once the marriage is agreed to, it could take place three days later, and typically did not cost a lot of money.
Today, we generally do not have the social environment that was common at that time. It is hard to imagine “calling on a woman” at her father’s house today, if you are over the age of sixteen. We do not have the close-knit communities in which everyone knew everyone else. High school and college does create a community of this sort today, but the relationships that are formed there are, in many cases, assumed to be transient. Even among the working classes, who do not expect to go to college and who will probably live near where they went to high school, people today do not seem to find their spouses in high school, as many probably did in the 1950s. The upper classes do not spend their time visiting each other, as they once did. Social dancing, or other such events where some connection could be made between men and women, does not exist anymore. It is hard to imagine any kind of relationship with a woman one meets at a “dance club” today besides a hookup. The workplace serves as a major courting arena in some cultures today (notably Japan), was probably the place that many American men found their wives in 1900-1980, and which even in 1990 was the place that 20% of Americans found their spouses. But, that was down to 10% in 2005-2009, and given all the dangers of such activity today, is probably going to slide towards zero.
This brings us to “traditional dating,” as Thomas Umstattd suggested in Courtship in Crisis. Unfortunately, in the effort to break from “dating,” (premarital monogamous relationships including sex, or pre-sex — First, Second and Third Base — among the very young), many interested in courtship also eliminated dating, which is: going on dates. But, without the infrastructure of alternatives to dating, as a way for young people to spend some time together and make a connection, too often people are left with nothing at all.
This is the probability of successful marriage (no divorce) after ten years, according to the number of previous sexual partners the woman has.
I read elsewhere that the hormones associated with pair-bonding in women decline over the first five sexual partners she has. The pair-bonding hormones in men decline gradually over thirty sexual partners. (I will have to find this data at some point.) The result is that premarital sex is far more damaging to women than to men. Also, it is far easier for a woman to engage in promiscuity than it is for men — even today, probably 80% of men have fewer than ten sexual partners at marriage, which means that their pair-bonding ability is largely intact at marriage. I would say that even men who were libertines are better able to stay married than women with a lot of sexual partners. Many men, at a certain age, seem able to give it up. Other men may still be unable (or unwilling) to resist temptation throughout their lives (Donald Trump? John F. Kennedy?), but this does not threaten their marriage and family.
As I see this, there is a big dropoff in marriage success rates for the first five partners a woman has, which I imagine is related to her impaired pair-bonding potential. After about five partners, there is a plateau, from about 6-15 partners. I interpret this as being capable of maintaining a monogamous relationship, but perhaps without the emotional bonding, as more of a business relationship — which lasts as long as it is good for business. After 15-20 partners, a woman tends to become incapable of maintaining a monogamous relationship, even if she perhaps imagined that she would when she got married, and even if it would be in her best interests to do so. The lure of temptation/hypergamy, the feeling of boring absence after years spent in pursuit of quick thrills, pulls her back to her old ruts. There was a recent movie about this, What’s Your Number. In it, a woman reads in a women’s magazine that a woman with more than twenty sexual partners becomes unfit for marriage and family.
Naturally, from this we can guess why a woman who is a virgin at marriage has been so highly prized throughout history, in virtually every major sophisticated civilization and religious tradition. Much leads from this, including a tendency for women to marry young — around age 18-20.
Unfortunately, some statistics on marriage are hard to interpret. For example, if everyone got married at age 26, then the “percentage of people age 20-30 who are married” would be 50%. This is a better site for understanding when people get married, or got married in 2010-2015, the period of data collection.
Basically, 48% of men (all races) were married at age 30, and 60% of women. For whites, 58% were married at age 30. Unfortunately, the widget does not seem capable of breaking out both gender and race.
One thing that the Church, and young Christians need the most these days, is a trustworthy path towards a solid marriage. Right now, young people are forced to play by the world’s playbook if they ever hope to establish any type of relationship with the opposite sex. The Church should be offering an alternative, but our current leaders of established religion are not taking sufficient action towards developing a working, God honoring model of courtship to be institutionalized.
The present system, which is little more than an informally institutionalized cuck generator, would probably have continued on indefinitely, but then along comes those Christian Manospherians, Dalrock, Donal Graeme, Zippy Catholic, et al., throwing a monkey wrench into Fe-Mini-Satan’s machine.
But we’re not quite there yet. The problem has been starkly revealed, but there has been little progress towards formulating any alternative models. Among those speaking out against this plague, they’re telling us what Courtship is not, and not what Courtship is. So many readers are yet dissatisfied with RP progress.
Those who are not active Christians (like myself) may be somewhat dismayed that even here there is mostly confusion. I look forward to seeing how far they have come.
The Good Wife Level 5 understands that, from her kitchen table, she works the raw material of civilization and culture. Every act, for her, takes on significance for the evolution of society, of the nation, and for humanity as a whole. This includes even drinking coffee — or perhaps she should not drink coffee? What if, following her example and leadership, eventually, nobody drank coffee? Or, could we develop this mundane thing, drinking coffee, into a nexus of cultural sophistication, as the Japanese once did for making tea? Shall we build a coffeehouse in the backyard? This is wifery on a planetary scale.
For the Good Wife Level 5, the significance of all her actions goes beyond her family to the broader community of like-minded people. If she, for example, researches the negative effects of vaccines, she does not do so only for herself, but for others as well. She spends time researching the topic, and then communicates the results of her research so that others can learn what she has learned with far less effort, or so that people can understand the great significance, and consequences, of something that most people do without thinking about it much. Or, she discusses these topics with a community of interested people, learning from their experience and expertise. She almost certainly has a blog, a podcast, a YouTube channel, or maybe a series of books — the subjects of which are, simply, the the things that come up within the context of her own family. These are of seemingly unlimited depth and importance, and can easily engage the most brilliant minds and most industrious characters to the limits of human potential.
Probably no mortal human could excel in all the aspects of housewifery that we list here, as there are not so many hours in the day, so the real-world Good Wife Level 5 probably has a few areas of specialty, and other areas where she is more of a Level 3, Level 2 or even Level 1 wife. Nevertheless, over a period of perhaps twenty years, quite a lot can be accomplished by the woman who continues to explore all the aspects and ramifications of her household duties.
Some examples of the Good Wife Level 5 include:
Julia Child: Got interested in French cooking; taught a generation of women how to move beyond meatloaf, hamburgers and macaroni and cheese. Married at age 24, but childless.
Phyllis Schlafly: Expounded her traditional-housewife ideals upon the national stage, and into public policy. Wrote 26 books. Married at age 25. Six children.
Helen Andelin: Married in college. Found womanhood fascinating, and told millions of women how to do it right. Mother of eight children.
Rachel DeMille: Co-created, with her husband, an ambitious model of homeschooling followed by tens of thousands of families. Established the Colesville Academy and Young Statesman’s Society. Mother of eight children.
While these ladies are in the Olympic Pantheon of Level 5 housewifery, there are a number of women who show a lot of promise today. One of them is Rebecca from Blonde in the Belly of the Beast, who is an 8/10 for looks, a 10/10 for brains, and also has the good sense to get married and get pregnant before age 30.
Then there is Christy0Misty, who, when she first appeared a decade ago, was like a talking horse: so many men had never even seen a woman like this. Now she is a mother of five. She had a great run as an “anti-feminist,” but hasn’t quite hit her stride yet with her motherhood channel.
While the Good Wife Level 2 and 3 participates in community organizations, and the Good Wife Level 4 perhaps withdraws from such mainstream institutions to go her own way, the Good Wife Level 5 sees certain needs and opportunities, sees the advantages that can come from group cooperation, and creates new institutions. If she sees a need for her daughter to find a good man to marry and no obvious means or method to meet such men, the Good Wife Level 5 might establish a new club or organization where marriage-minded singles can get to know each other. This could be a ballroom dance series, or a church group. Her homeschool efforts may expand to other children, and she opens an academy.
While the Level 4 woman works out and looks good, the Level 5 woman works out, looks good, and then uses this as the basis to change the lives of tens of thousands of other people. Maria Kang, mother of three, took a picture of herself with her children that was somehow so provocative that it both got her banned from Facebook, and on the cover of Shape magazine. Her noexcusemom.com free online community now has 176,000 members in 361 “in real life” meetup groups in 24 countries. Five years later, she looks like she is still making her husband very happy.
Nobody can expect to get so much mileage out of a single post on Facebook, but the Level 5 woman is content with her hundred followers on Twitter, or the five women in her formal or informal in-real-life community group.
Since we are talking about the Good Wife Level 5 here, of course her sex life is the stuff of legend. She is not horny all the time, does not have an “insatiable sexual appetite,” and is not interested in sex with men (or women) other than her husband. Kinky and deviant things she regards as a sign of dysfunction, for people who, for some reason, can’t enjoy things the normal way. She is normally quite modest, and careful not to attract the attention of other men with suggestive dress or coquettish behavior. Other men notice anyway, and regard her with a kind of respectful admiration. Sex is not always such a big affair, because that would become silly. But, from time to time, she and her husband enjoy a long session of lovemaking, where she will have a dozen or more orgasms over the course of an hour or longer — she can never keep count. And since (as mentioned earlier) she has a bangin’ hot body (for her age), this is quite a lot of fun for her husband, who hardly has any interest in other women, who he knows could hardly be any better and very likely much worse. With the help of “wife goggles,” her husband considers his wife very sexy well into her forties and even fifties. Her husband too, knowing that sex is a shared endeavor and that he has to keep up his end of the deal, keeps himself in shape and polishes his lovemaking skills. If you asked the Good Wife Level 5 what she attributes her bedroom success to, she would insist it is her husband’s extraordinary ability and inherent natural sexiness, since he does the work and she mostly just rolls her eyes back and goes along for the ride. If you asked the husband, he would certainly give credit to his wife, since he is not doing anything else than any other man might do, but he is getting much better results. The Good Wife Level 5 read on the internet somewhere that 75% of women report that they rarely or never achieve orgasm during vaginal intercourse, but she regards this as ridiculous and inconceivable. She might get interested in sex as a realm of exploration and study, just as she is interested in all the other aspects of her life. She has her favorite parts of the Kama Sutra. She might get involved in Tantric sex practices, and not in a dilettantish way either. This would require the participation of her husband, who would also join her on this journey, as any man would who is not a damn fool.
In most ways, the Level 5 Wife is much like the Level 4. But her personality, and her urge to express her experience, cannot be contained only within her living room, and bursts forth into the community and the world.
In traditional courtship, as practiced in the West until about 1920, and also as practiced most everywhere else as well, not only is there no sex before marriage, but there is not much of anything else, either. No kissing above the wrist.
When the husband kissed the bride at the wedding ceremony, it was, ideally, literally their first kiss.
If you read the novels of the nineteenth century, as I have been doing recently, virtually all of them (especially those written in English) have courtship (getting married) as a major plot element, at times nearly the only plot element. Jane Austen, who focused on this entirely, characterizes the pattern.
You would think that the first kiss, if it was a normal, institutionalized sort of thing, would be a big dramatic moment, as it is in old-fashioned Hollywood movies or cheap romance novels. But, this is never mentioned.
This contrasts with a common condition today, where women who are supposedly “saving themselves for marriage” will do just about everything one can do, potentially even “going to fifth base,” excepting vaginal penetration. Which is, actually, a normal outcome once a couple begins kissing. Also, a lot of the hormonal bonding and other “brain chemical” reactions that take place during sex, also take place during these kinds of foreplay activities, even if in a less intense manner. The result is that a girl is, hormonally speaking, in a pseudo-marriage. She is “going steady,” and if she breaks up with her boyfriend, she experiences similar trauma. This reaction is why the first kiss is important.
If this seems extreme, remember that it was matched by the fact that a lot of women got married at age 18. Courtship was not something that you drew out over fifteen years. It was something that you did once in your life, and it didn’t take that long. At age 19, these women were getting more dick than even slutty girls today, because, when you are sleeping together in the same bed every night, and you are nineteen years old, it just happens.
Sigma Frame has had a nice series on birth control, including hormonal birth control. Our principle is: male birth control only, which basically means: condoms.
If the Good Wife Level 3 is ambitious and conventional, the Good Wife Level 4 is ambitious and unconventional. Her ambitions take her beyond the mainstream norms, which she finds only an exercise in mediocrity, or even quite sinister and destructive. Thus, she becomes something of an oddball; an experimenter; an explorer; and many people do not approve, or even understand what she is doing. This, she finds, is very exciting. Here we must venture a little into fantasy, for hardly any real-world woman could excel at so many things as we will list here. Probably there are a few things that a real-life woman does at a Level 4 standard, and other things she does at Level 3 or Level 2, or Level 1. But, simply by making a list, we will perhaps inspire some women to become Level 4 in more aspects of their lives.
Where the Good Wife Level 3 is basically a herd-follower, the Good Wife Level 4 sees where the herd is going, doesn’t like it much, and goes her own way. This requires research and learning. The Good Wife Level 3 makes sure her children get all their vaccinations; the Good Wife Level 4 wonders if vaccination is a good idea at all, and begins to research the topic to her satisfaction. The Good Wife Level 3 exhorts her children to “excel” at the local public or private school. The Good Wife Level 4 thinks that these schools are not teaching her children what she wants them to learn, and looks for alternatives. This could be moving from public to a private school, perhaps a private school with a certain distinctive education philosophy — Waldorf or Montessori, for example, or a Catholic school or a boys-only school. It might mean adding a program of education at home, on top of what children are learning in school. It might mean dropping schools altogether and becoming a homeschooler.
The Good Wife Level 4 certainly refuses the Standard American Diet of junk food, but also thinks the Traditional American Diet is perhaps not so good, or anyway, need not serve as her guide and ideal. She looks into a Whole Foods Plant-Based diet, or perhaps a “paleo” or high-protein diet, or a raw food or raw vegan diet, and could talk about these for many hours if you allowed her to. Or, she might go a completely different direction, and perhaps spend six months mastering the cuisine of India or Thailand. If all this takes too much time, she might experiment with ways of creating healthy, wholesome and delicious food in very little time, or for very little expense, and spend months exploring all the variations of beans, rice and potatoes. She may spend months exploring the outer limits of fresh-pressed olive oil and parmesan cheese.
Her home is well decorated, but not in a conventional way. It does not look like the pages of Martha Stewart Living or the Pottery Barn catalog. It might be very eclectic, a somewhat disorganized jumble of individually-appealing pieces. Or it might have matching themes per room, for example a Persian room, an Art Deco room and an 1890s room. She is probably interested in vintage and antique furniture, as this presents a combination of interesting styles that are no longer contemporary, excellent workmanship and great values. All kinds of home furnishings can attract her interest and attention, such as dishware, towels, bedding, lighting, rugs and kitchenware; and each presents a whole new sphere of creative exploration. Decoration can easily extend to art, whether objects or pictures and paintings hung on walls. Here, she is interested in their artistic value, not just their value as decoration. She may begin to make fine art or artisanal works herself, such as photography, pottery, lamp shades or rugs.
Raising children is one of her chief concerns, and here she does not feel constrained by convention or the pattern of her own upbringing. She doubtless spends much time researching the topic, and, if you asked her, could probably say why breastfeeding is important to create an emotional bond between the parent and child; and that infants can actually become sick and even die if they are left in their cribs without physical contact, even if all their bodily needs are met. Moral education is a prime concern; but, what morals? This might be combined with introduction to a religious community and a religious tradition, or may be done independently.
The Level 4 woman is likely drawn to homeschooling, as she finds government schools to be intolerably mediocre if not rather sinister. Private schools are better, but her ambitions may extend well beyond what these can offer, and also, their expense may extend well beyond her budget. Homeschooling is a vast topic, with some methods that follow conventional norms and other methods that embark on wild experiments.
While the Level 3 woman floats happily on a river of mainstream media, the Level 4 woman probably finds the popular media, music and entertainment to be rather degenerate or even sinister, at best a waste of time and at worst a sewer pipe of Cultural Marxist brainwashing, and cuts it out completely. The Level 4 woman may eliminate “screen time” from her children’s lives altogether. Or, if not, she carefully curates what they are exposed to.
The Level 4 woman recognizes that physical exercise is sadly lacking in most people’s day-to-day lives, and may become very enthusiastic about working out, triathlon, running, dance, or some other form of physical activity. Combined with her interest in healthy food, the result is that she is in great physical shape, to the delight of her husband.
Elle MacPherson, age 53. Girls: Like this.
Long-term raw veganist Annette Larkins, at age 70.
Annette Larkins at age 70.
Naturally, if you have body like Annette Larkins, the Level 4 Wife becomes interested in dressing well; and this does not mean merely conforming to today’s norms in a pleasing manner, but the whole spectrum of potential regarding a woman’s dress (and that of her children as well). She might experiment with vintage fashions. She might decide that, as an experiment in traditional femininity, she will wear only dresses and skirts from here henceforth; and all of these must be below the knee. She naturally upholds a minimum dress code for her children; and you will never find her girls in tights alone or boys in dirty t-shirts.
Her husband need do little but stand back and let her have her fun, as he and the children are the beneficiaries of all this enthusiasm, as long as it fits within his overall plan for the family. He regulates how much his wife can spend on her enthusiasms. If she thinks it would be worthwhile to spend more, she must convince him of its merits, and he must be convinced. Although the Good Wife Level 4 is having a great time with all of this, nevertheless all of it is in service to, and to the benefit of, her husband and family. She can have her own time too, but never do her own enthusiasms come at the expense of her responsibilities, or to the well-being of the family as a whole. At no time does she attempt to wrest control from the husband, against his wishes. But, normally the husband does not need much convincing, and his approval and support is nearly certain. The husband may guide her, serving as the 1% of inspiration that leads to the 99% of perspiration: “Honey, maybe we should improve our home decorating/eat a more healthy diet/improve the childrens’ education.” In short, all of her projects become his too, because he has approved of them, even if she does 95%+ of the work. Consequently, he has a responsibility to participate as is necessary, in a homeschooling program for example, and learn new skills or make the additional effort as appropriate. If these burdens are too much for him, then the couple needs to find a new solution. At no time does he become beholden to his wife’s schemes, against his consent and active support. Sometimes, he might have to put limits on his wife’s activity, or redirect it, as he perceives that it is causing problems or expending more resources than is appropriate. As with the Good Wife of any Level, she participates in the decision-making process, but is never quarrelsome or contentious, and follows the final authority of her husband.
All of our Good Wives are, of course, Good — that is, they create positive value, while creating a minimum of contention and difficulty, and other problems for her husband and family. But, if such Good behavior is often a matter of tradition, instinct and good upbringing in some women, the Good Wife Level 4 approaches it as she approaches other challenges in her life, as something to be studied and applied in a conscious and diligent fashion. Thus, she has the dedication to Good behavior that comes, in many cases, from doing it the wrong way first, and then mending her ways, often with diligent effort and careful study. Just as the shrewish Katherine eventually becomes a far better wife than the gentle Bianca, her sister (in Shakespeare’s The Taming of the Shrew), who doesn’t need to change and therefore never improves, the Level 4 wife’s Good Wifery comes from conscious application of principle and deep understanding. She probably has a list of favorite books and other resources on the topic, and also, some insightful and pointed criticism of some others who hold themselves out to be experts on the topic, but do not meet her high standards.
Being a Level 4 Wife can be a ton of fun, and engage the ablest women. The question of the children’s education alone is a vast topic worthy of many years of research, especially for a homeschooler. Best of all, she has the freedom to guide her activity as she pleases, for the good of the household. She finds her household duties to be a realm of near-limitless complexity and interest, and a realm where careful, deliberate action can lead to direct, real-world advantages in the daily life of the whole family. Other men’s families are overweight, unhealthy, flabby, live in a mediocre home environment where the children have a mediocre education and upbringing, and spend all their time watching television and playing video games. Her family enjoys fine food, good health, exercises regularly, looks great, dresses well, enjoys a beautiful home environment, gets a superlative education and in general spends their time in a high-value way.
It is unfortunate that many mothers feel that they need to work, basically due to perceived financial needs. Some women are just cut out to be career girls; so be it. But, the idea that being a drudge for a corporate boss every day for the glory — not of a woman’s own husband and family, her own children, community and nation — but increased earnings per share, strikes her as piteous. Too many women — she thinks — are so lost in delusion that they actually believe that being a childless, unmarried corporate workerbee is some kind of superior accomplishment. Too bad for them. Let some other man do that job. It will be no less tiresome and difficult, but it will serve as the foundational support for another woman’s family; another woman who could be having as much fun as she is.
The Good Wife Level 3 is highly able and ambitious, although again in a somewhat conventional way. You can often find this sort of woman in affluent, higher-income neighborhoods. Unlike many of those women, however, she is also Good — she does not cancel out her now-impressive list of virtues by an ever-growing list of destructive negative habits.
Since we are talking primarily about full-time mothers, of perhaps three children, her “ambition” is channeled largely to domestic pursuits. If she also works, then she probably has a demanding and well-paid job like her husband; but, on top of this, she also is ambitious about domestic concerns as well. This kind of woman is brimming with energy, and if she does not work a regular “job,” then she often has additional engagements on top of her childcare duties. This might include some kind of community involvement, or a home-based business of some sort.
Her house is not only clean and pleasant, but impressive. This takes work; and she does not stint in the effort involved in all these things. Much thought goes into the selection of curtains, or the color of the paint in the bathroom. Many hours are spent gazing at furniture or rugs, to find items that will complete her decor to her high standards.
Although her husband probably makes an income well above average, the Good Wife Level 3 is still frugal, and makes sure that her ambitions fit within the constraints of the family’s budget. Paint does not cost much, and excellent used furniture can be found for little more than the cost of one month’s cellphone bill. High-quality designer clothing can often be found used for about 10% of its original price, and it is barely worn. She leaves big-ticket expenses to her husband’s discretion, and since he has plenty of money left over and loves to please his wife, her requests are often granted.
She has high ambitions for her children, and expects them to go to top colleges. Getting into a good K-12 school district, or using private schools, is a major focus. However, her education ambitions often stop there — besides insisting that her children excel at whatever tasks these institutions present, she does not have many notions of “education” herself. She probably has little opinion of whether the education actually being received by her children at these institutions is actually any good. It is good enough that they have a good reputation. She probably does not give her children much education on top of their formal schooling, although there is inevitably a long list of after-school activities, and she does not shy at the huge amounts of time involved in making sure that her children are constantly engaged.
Nevertheless, the children have a somewhat mainstream upbringing, including immersion in the mainstream Hollywood media, newspapers, magazines, movies, music and so forth. This is considered “healthy.” She wouldn’t want her children to be “weird.” Thus, our Level 3 woman remains essentially a herd-follower. Her ideals are everyone’s ideals; but she pursues them more ambitiously. She may or may not be involved in a church; but either way, this does not produce a notable deviation from mainstream norms.
She is concerned about the poor state of the Standard American Diet, and actively avoids processed and junk foods. Her children are not permitted to drink soda, she never buys Doritos at the supermarket, and she packs sandwiches for a car trip so that they won’t have to stop at a fast-food joint. She puts a lot of time into producing home-cooked meals, and her cooking is excellent. It is, however, somewhat conventional — the Traditional American Diet of “big meat in the middle” dishes, baked goods and so forth. Nevertheless, her children get plenty of exercise and eat better food than most, and they are physically attractive while they are under her care. Her husband soon discovers that there is better food at home than at most any restaurant, and little is spent on “eating out.”
She actively takes on new duties and projects, but does not burden others, especially her husband, with her ambitions. Her husband is probably quite busy, and barely has time to play with the children and mow the lawn before heading back to work. There is no nagging or “honey-do” lists. Rather, she takes care of it all herself, so that the household is in order when her husband comes home, and all he needs to do is relax with her excellent company. Actually, it goes the other way: if she has some time and energy available, she may ask her husband if there is something that they could improve, or some new project to undertake. Her husband can delegate tasks to her and know that it will be taken care of expertly, without any further involvement from him. He looks forward to the surprisingly excellent results.
Although she has near-100% responsibility for the maintenance of the household, nevertheless she recognizes that her husband is the head of the household, and that the house, and his time there, is for his pleasure and recreation.
She has little to complain about, since she probably lives a somewhat affluent lifestyle, but if there is some dissatisfaction she knows that she can do something about it herself, and it is not her husband’s duty to cater to her desires or “happiness.” She is grateful that she already has more than most, and more than anyone deserves.
She takes good care of herself, maintains a good figure, and is expert at assembling attractive outfits to suit the occasion.
This is, naturally, exciting to her husband, and since she is a Good Wife, they have sex regularly, which she enjoys as much as he does. She usually allows him to initiate, but often she makes it easy for him by dropping a few hints. Of course she has sexy lingerie, which she buys herself for her husband’s benefit. Her husband naturally makes an effort to live up to the standards she holds for herself by keeping in shape, and this is not difficult to do since she cooks good healthy food for him.
However, since she is a Good Wife and not an average one, this impressive list of accomplishments is not offset by an equally impressive list of negative behaviors. All the “negative virtues” of the Good Wife Level 1 apply here too. This creates a distinct sense of separation from mainstream norms, although she takes comfort in the fact that her behaviors used to be more mainstream in the past (in the 1950s for example), and probably she learned them from her mother. She herself probably went to a better sort of university, but she has overtly rejected the “feminist” narrative and embraces her stay-at-home housewife role with confidence and gusto. This she finds is necessary, to ward off the constant stream of opprobrium from her feminist-leaning peers (but not likely friends). She considers their behavior, especially their poor treatment of their husbands, to be ghastly. Since she engages herself actively in anything she is involved in, she probably studies “traditional motherhood” with some focused intent, and doubtless has a good list of books to recommend on these topics. She is probably a political conservative, and a well-informed one — although there are some Good Wives of this type who vote Democrat, but this is just a thin shell that has no particular meaning in her life.
Because she is highly capable, there are not so many men that are notably more capable than she. She may come to appreciate that she is actually more able than her husband. Probably this is not really so: her husband just faces more challenges, in the competitive career environment, and more opportunities for setback and failure. Everyone can be a Good Wife, but not everyone can be CEO, and sometimes people even lose their jobs from no deficiency of their own. Nevertheless, unlike many able women for whom her (perceived) superiority becomes an item of difficulty and who eventually ends up in contempt of her husband (who is actually well above average himself), our Good Wife simply accepts that her bounteous contribution to the family makes the whole family better off, including herself. She supports her husband however she can, as she is the direct beneficiary of his success, and since she is highly capable, her advice and assistance is usually very good.
From her husband’s perspective, the Good Wife Level 3 is a cornucopia of productivity and bounty. She is pleasant, sexy, agreeable, cooperative. Her advice is good and he always takes it seriously, although he doesn’t always come to the same conclusions. Her company is a pleasure, and her household is a refuge of comfort, ease and beauty. The husband remains the leader and head of the household. The Good Wife recognizes this and, in fact, insists on it. However, since the Good Wife is doing such a fine job in her roles and responsibilities, and is completely in line with his own goals for the family, he can mostly leave such things to her. The husband typically takes care of the big-picture things, such has the basic allocation of the household’s resources including savings or the funding of retirement plans. He has authority over all intermittent, big-ticket expenses such as car purchases, private schools or colleges, home renovations or major repairs, furniture purchases, replacement of major appliances such as washers and dryers, major vacations, and also the purchase or sale of the house itself. Commonly, the wife is given a monthly budget for the day-to-day and month-to-month maintenance of the household, which the husband (with his wife’s consultation) includes as part of his overall plan.
The husband knows that such a wife certainly is rare. He does not know of another man who has one. If anything, he is inspired to be deserving of such a wife as this.
Unfortunately for many men today, this strata of highly capable women typically goes through an intense indoctrination at the better sort of universities they attend. Few ever recover from this. They are, at the core, conventional — and thus they have internalized the poisonous “conventions” that they pick up from the university, media or Hollywood. They use their considerable strengths and abilities to fight for power within the marriage, and use every method of manipulation and deceit to break down their husbands into whimpering simps. Not only are they quarrelsome and contentious, they are good at it — making them difficult or impossible for a husband to manage. Divorce usually follows, and these women are ferocious in divorce court, using every scheme to collect everything to her advantage, spewing rationalizations along the way about how it all was really his fault and she is blameless; and because she is good at this, everyone believes her, including the man’s own children. Among women with four-year college degrees, 90% of divorces are filed by women. Perhaps a still-higher percentage is effectively initiated by them. Too many men today look back on the wreckage such women make of their lives, the children stolen from them, and conclude that, despite this woman’s long list of abilities, he would have been better off single, or with a woman that was far less capable but also far less problematic — for example, the Good Wife Level 1.
Cornerstone 
