I think it is a good thing that nearly all women eventually want to get married. What if they didn’t? But, since it is so ubiquitous, it is also, in a sense, meaningless. The question for men is: which of these women are actually capable of being a Good Wife and a Good Mother? Maybe, not a lot.
Porn queens Riley Reid, Mia Khalifa, and now Lana Rhoades all want to get married. Reid and Khalifa actually did. Here’s Lana, a single mother, now saying that she is a waiting-until-marriage girl. Of course it is a joke, but at least reinforces the idea that waiting-until-marriage is maybe not a bad thing; and that some women will say anything, eventually, no matter how nonsensical.
Maybe she is intentionally trolling. But, it seems that the people who have seen it all, come to the same conclusions. For example, the “No Hymen No Diamond” guy, Undead Chronic:
Helen Roy, who is admirable for many things, has unfortunately slipped from her Dream Babe status. She had a child, which is fine. In the process, she put on a lot of weight; hasn’t been losing it; and instead is making a lot of excuses.
While I think it is fine that a wife and mother in her thirties doesn’t look like a single 22yo, nevertheless, you don’t have to be a fatty.
It is hard for any person to be good at everything. Still, you can try.
The most important thing, for keeping a slim healthy body, is what you eat, not how much. Basically, natural, single-ingredient foods. Get some exercise.
Not a bad idea. These are things that every woman can accomplish, without all that much difficulty. You don’t have to be in the Top 10% for height, or Top 5% for income; a combination that excludes 99.5% of Men.
The most important one is #7: Make His Life Easier. A “helpmeet” is a meet help. “Meet” means:
Even if you fail all the other points, a woman can find an equally unattractive man somewhere, who is willing to stay if you improve his life somehow. At the end of the day, a woman who makes things worse, not better, serves no useful purpose to a man. Maybe that woman can serve a useful purpose to an employer somewhere. Off to work.
Unfortunately, most women today do not meet this very low standard. Most men who get married end up regretting it, either torn to shreds in a horrible divorce, or stuck in a horrible marriage. Other men take note of this.
A woman has to offer at least the promise and potential of serving as a Good Wife and a Good Mother. Unfortunately, many women reject this as a matter of principle.
Today, although any woman could achieve all of the items on this list in the space of six months, most women would rather make excuses about why they don’t have to do that, and end up six months later no better off than they were before.
Increasingly, it seems like we are having a divide between women who a Serious, and everybody else.
Some people, who want to rebuild marriage and family, have been encouraging people to get married later rather than earlier. Statistically, it appears that later marriages have a better chance of success.
I do not think this is a good idea. For one thing, if you are going to wait until after marriage to have sex — which most of these marriage-and-family people also encourage — then you would be waiting a loooooong time. Not only would you be waiting a looooong time, but also, most people wouldn’t make it. Somewhere along the way, while crossing the Sahara Desert of abstinence, they will keel over and die. Also, if you want to wait until you get married to have children, then you would be skipping most of a woman’s window of prime fertility, age 18-32.
Once we do this, we are also promoting careerism for women. What are women supposed to do between ages 18-28, while they are waiting (sexlessly) to get old enough to marry? Are they going to live with their fathers? Are they going to make a living on their own? If they invest a lot of time and energy into building a career during their twenties (and why not, since they aren’t raising children), are they then going to abandon that a Age 31, to become stay-at-home Moms? Are they going to become full-time working mothers? What exactly is the plan here?
One of the advantages to having children early is that they are out of the house early. If a woman is done having children at Age 30, then the last one is out of the house around Age 48. A woman has a good twenty years to have a career, if she wants to. Or, she can just “retire early,” which is what usually happens. Nice choice to have, don’t you think?
Are we really to believe that, with today the highest median age of marriage in US history, the “right” age to get married is actually … even later than that?
Let’s see what’s going on here.
The better-raised, and more self-disciplined, segments of society today are upper-middle income families who send their children to four-year residential colleges. Only in this subset has marriage remained a reliable institution. Once we step out of these pleasant, leafy neighborhoods, we get into a swamp of dysfunction — single parent households, two working parents, children abandoned to television, social media, daycare and public schools, and a dozen other bad things you could name. If the upper-middle class is doing better than average, then everyone below this strata is doing, by definition, worse than average — worse even than today’s very poor averages.
Among the upper-middle class, marriage has been delayed by several patterns: careerism particularly among women, related factors such as student debt and inability to establish a separate household, and also, a tendency to draw out the process of marriage by an incredible 58.7 months from first meeting to the wedding day, much of this spent in cohabitation.
These are all bad patterns, it seems to me. What if the upper middle class today had the habits and customs of the upper middle class of the 1960s, or 1890s? Women would prioritize home and family, leading to much earlier marriages (for women). The risk of divorce, even keeping the legal environment the same, would probably be lower than today.
In the past, Courtship did not involve “boyfriends.” This is hard to imagine today, where it seems like you need a “boyfriend” for … about 58.7 months … to get married. But, that is a new thing.
Here, as a counterexample, is Bingley and Jane in Pride and Prejudice, a representation of “courting” from about 1810. Actually, this story has a lot of drama, since Bingley is convinced not to marry Jane at first, as she is well below him in social class. Probably, Bingley should aim a little higher, and Jane should aim a little lower. Since this is women’s fantasy, Bingley does marry Jane. But, there were no boyfriends, and not even any kissing first.
Probably many women would say: “OK, that’s fine with me, especially if he is as rich and good looking as Mr. Bingley.”
But what about men today? If you had, in front of you, a 22yo virgin, who is also a local beauty, from a good family, who is almost certain to be a Good Wife and Mother, trained in that role from birth, and you had to make an up/down decision with no kissing first, could you do it?
I met a young guy who was recently hired by a friend of mine (at a prestigious bank), who is close to retirement.
He is about 23. He has a long-term girlfriend, who he has been together with for about six years. I didn’t meet her, but I hear she is very beautiful.
Basically, they are High School Sweethearts, or maybe, met at the first year of college. Probably he is the only guy she has ever had sex with. Maybe she is the same for him. Probably, she is the same age, or a year or two younger.
He should just marry her. Right away. Plan for a wedding in three months. Get a prenup, and don’t sign any “marriage licenses.”
She has already said that she hopes he will marry her.
How can he possibly do better than this? Even if he dumped this girl, and they got back together three years later, she wouldn’t be the same. She has already demonstrated her ability to get along and maintain a long-term relationship. She is probably the most devoted woman this man would ever meet, in his life. (Unfortunately, not being exposed to most women today, he doesn’t know this.)
OK, it is possible, but not very likely.
I admit, it is somewhat difficult, or confusing, for a guy who is 23 and really just starting his career as “the new guy,” to consider wife and family. This is not what people do, today.
But, they have already been together for six years. Don’t dilly dally any more.
You don’t have to have children right away. You and her can just work, and live together, which is what you are doing already.
But, I would have children right away — at least three, in five years. This guy makes enough to support a wife and children. Babies don’t cost much. The wife would stay home, of course, but that is not a problem. A woman with newborns also doesn’t cost much. It is hard for her to even leave the house. No vacations in Greece, or even a restaurant trip.
It is actually a good thing that women mostly come to their senses, sometime after Age 26, and decide that they want to get married. Men have recently learned to avoid these types, since it sure seems like they are looking for a lifetime meal ticket after a decade of debauchery, by marrying a man that they don’t like much and will eventually despise. Nobody wants to be Captain Save-A-Ho. In practical terms, they usually make Bad Wives and Bad Mothers, before they divorce their hardworking man after a predictable eight years of marriage.
Among the PUA types, it is a general rule of thumb that the over/under on a woman’s bodycount is: 3 men for every year she lives outside of her parents’ house. Thus, a woman of 28 would have about (28-18=10)*3=30 previous sexual partners. This is the approximate middle of a very large dispersion, with some women genuine virgins, and others with a bodycount over 1000. Nevertheless, if there is any truth to it, it would mean that a lot of women have exceeded the 15 or so bodies that tends to put them in the Unfit For Marriage range on the right side of this chart:
In other words, they seem to have about a 20% chance of working out, and an 80% chance of failure.
These women’s pairbonding is typically so eroded that they are incapable of maintaining a monogamous relationship, even if it is in their own best interests. The stable predictability of monogamy seems interminably boring for a woman whose whole adult life consists of relationship drama. Sluts gonna slut.
Nevertheless, I think there are a lot of women in this range (age or bodycount) that were really not sluts and whores, and got there somewhat accidentally, in the process of trying and failing to establish a monogamous long-term “relationship” of the sort that today now seems like a necessary step toward marriage. Many are not Fugly and not Single Moms. I would like to say something encouraging to these women.
Here’s one who is actually a bikini competitor, and genuinely wants a family. You could do worse.
Why should a man marry you? The only good reason is to establish a family; that is, have children. Apparently, some women in this category do work out (about 20%). Why should a man think that you are one of the OK ones, and not one of the 80% that are bad news? Even if a woman’s natural pairbonding potential is somewhat exhausted, and she carries some difficult memories of many relationships gone bad, or not even starting, I think she could make a Good Wife and a Good Mother, if she sets her mind to it. If she doesn’t set her mind to it, or refuses to, then forget it. Why would any man marry a woman who doesn’t want to be a Good Wife and a Good Mother, as a matter of principle? And yet, these contentious feminist types are now the norm rather than the exception. Hard pass.
Being a Good Wife largely consists of two things: Being Pleasant, and Being Productive. “Productive” might be considered “net productivity.” A woman that does a lot of work, but also spends a lot of money, does maybe more harm than good. For a stay-at-home Mom, Productive largely means housekeeping, and various forms of child-rearing (I recommend homeschooling). But, I will allow for working women who bring in some money. We have to allow some flexibility in real-world arrangements. I wrote a long series on the characteristics of Good Wives.
I would read, and study, books like Fascinating Womanhood, Created to Be His Helpmeet, and The Surrendered Wife. You don’t have to agree with every line, but there should be some broad compatibility, and, you could say, ambition. If you find yourself instead straining for escape from basic wifely expectations, probably you are not cut out for marriage. So, just forget about it.
As a woman gets an idea of how to be a Good Wife and a Good Mother, she also naturally gets an idea of a Good Husband and a Good Father, which may not be at all the kind of man she was interested previously. Yes, there are legions of Where’s My Meal Ticket?whores who are also eyeing these men, as potential suckers. Good men should avoid these. But, these Good Men (that is, men who will be Good Husbands and Good Fathers) will probably notice pretty quickly that there is something different about those women who have an idea of being a Good Wife and a Good Mother.
For one thing, such a woman today should be open to the idea of a prenuptial agreement, which is a good thing, for women also, if you want to preserve a family. But, it would probably screen out the gold diggers/Captain Save a Ho/Feminist types pretty quickly.
If she is also a bikini competitor, that is OK too.
Although I think it is best when a husband makes the money and women stay at home to raise the children, we also have to deal with some real-world realities.
Here, I bet Tameka would have been perfectly happy to marry a man who is 6’3″, looks like an underwear model, has an IQ of 178, is a devoted husband, and makes three times as much as her. But, in the real world, this guy is probably as good as she could realistically do, especially at Age 37 (let’s say). Maybe he is 6’3″, looks like an underwear model, is a devoted and reliable husband, and has an IQ of 92. Most men who married the female equivalent (10/10 fitness instructor or bikini model making $44,000/yr, IQ of 92, devoted wife) would probably consider themselves pretty darn lucky.
Maybe he is 5’7″, is a devoted and reliable husband, has an IQ of 92, and is in the top 20% for looks. Did Tameka make a bad choice? Would a lifetime of single childlessness have been better?
Then, we have the difficult problem of how Tameka and her husband are going to make a marriage work, and not drive each other crazy. Even if Tameka brings a lot of money and a cushy lifestyle “to the table,” so to speak, if her husband is miserable, then he would have been better off single, or with a humbler woman who might be happy to be a stay-at-home Mom on a $44K budget.
Elizabeth Taylor, A-list Hollywood actress and considered one of the most beautiful women in Hollywood in her prime, married construction worker Larry Fortensky in 1991, at a ceremony at Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch. Fortensky fit the “hunky handyman” type well.
Elizabeth Taylor actually died a billionaire, mostly from perfume sales toward the end of her life.
As you might imagine, being married to Elizabeth Taylor was pretty tough for Larry Fortensky. Maybe he should have married someone else.
But, Tameka and her husband seem to have the potential to make each other very happy. I think I will look into how this might be accomplished later. As it turns out, I have a little experience in this, since my own sister is more-or-less in the same situation, and seems to have made it work.
While many women haven’t been able to fit a “boyfriend” into their schedule of full-time whoring, there are also many who seem “invisible.” Many are, I think, accidental virgins. Many are also Fugly, but here are two more that might make good wives.
Cornerstone 