Some women today “want to get married,” sometimes even “be married,” but they don’t want to “be a Wife.” Huh? This should be a red flag for any Man. Don’t marry her. But, some women might be feeling something similar too. I am talking especially to those women under age 21 or so, who might have thoughts like this. Those over 28 are probably too far gone to be salvaged. Leave them alone.

Basically, a woman wants the advantages that she perceives coming from marriage, without the duties or responsibilities of “being a wife.” We can imagine what these are, for both categories.

Let’s see where this leads. Here is one woman who says: “I Want To Be Married But I Don’t Want To Be A Wife“

The other day I watched “Think Like A Man 2” and one of the couples were offered great professional opportunities individually. One was offered to be a chef in a top notch restaurant in Vegas and the other, CEO in New York. They truly loved each other because they both passed on the opportunities so they could be together. They were stoked when they were presented the job positions but they let that go. I got a little sad to see them walk away from something that they wanted and had been working so hard for. Does it have to be either or? Relationship or…

Comments: This is a common problem in marriages with two working adults. Here, there are no children. If there aren’t going to be any children, why be married? Marriage is basically an institution for raising children. A stay-at-home Mom is not only able to care for children, she can go wherever her husband’s career opportunities lie.

Just because we’re married, it doesn’t mean that we drop our individual interests. I don’t want to just be a wife. And at the same time, I don’t want my husband to just be a husband. I’d like him to be a son, a brother, a friend, a professional, a tennis player if that’s what he wants to be, a hiker or a gamer. Idk. Don’t give up your dreams just because we’re supposed to be physically attached to each other.

Comments: Did anyone say that “being a wife” meant dropping individual interests? It is true that, often, people drop their hobbies when they have to devote a lot of time and attention to childcare. This is voluntary and mostly done without remorse. Time to grow up.

I’m not saying we’re gonna live apart most of the time and be happily ever after. It’s about empowering each other to pursue the interests that conserves our individuality. A Work-Home-Occasional Outing routine is not living. Gotta break that. Go do you. Take the kids to school and then go ride a rollercoaster haha. Go visit your parents, just you. No spouse, kids, other siblings, pursue your passions.

Comments: Whoops, now we’re living apart. But, neither husband nor wife, living apart, is ever going to start having sex with others. Unimaginable. How are you going to raise children like this? Here we have a complete abandonment of childcare responsibilities, just “drop them off at school” and “go ride a rollercoaster haha.” Basically, ride the Cock Carousel.

Now, working 2,800 miles apart is not an ideal situation but I believe that this is what it comes down to. I’d like us to still follow what gives us joy in life… even if that meant that we’d have to be away for some time. I agree that money is not everything but I’m not talking about money, I’m talking about joy.

Comments: Not only living apart, living 2800 miles apart! Can’t even visit on weekends! What kind of marriage is this?

For what I’ve noticed, people who follow what gives them joy, love life and everything in it. They are happy! Happy people show gratitude aaand grateful husbands spoil their wives. That’s my game plan: I want to get spoiled. You thought I was doing this for him? Hahaha

Comments: She wants to get spoiled, but she doesn’t plan on doing anything for him, hahaha.

Senseity stands for individuality. It’s a give-and-take cycle that consists of discovering and embracing who we are and aspire to be as well as accepting others for who they are and aspire to be.

“A great relationship is about two things: First, appreciating the similarities, and second, respecting the differences” -Anonymous

And there you go. This is the mentality of “wanting to be married, but not wanting to be a wife.” Basically, it is “getting spoiled by your husband” who lives 2800 miles away (basically, spending his money), while not giving anything in return “hahaha,” and also, apparently, doing nothing by way of raising children, in favor of “discovering and embracing who we are.” Why would any man marry a woman like this? How do you raise children like this? In the best possible case, this woman will die single and childless. Unfortunately, perhaps someone will marry her, or be one of her children.

Men need to avoid women like this. A woman should be enthusiastic about being a wife because, although it has responsibilities and restrictions, and largely amounts to working for the benefit of others including the husband, children and family, it can also be a lot of fun. You are going to be working for the benefit of others anyway, as a single childless woman — namely, the benefit of the corporation or your customers. I can see why a woman might want a life of Nonstop Party Time, paid for by some husband 2800 miles away, but men should avoid these women, and women should avoid becoming one of these women.

Young women and girls, who are picking up on this sort of thing from their older sisters without really understanding what it means, need to reject this kind of horseshit immediately. Be a Good Wife and a Good Mother. It’s actually a lot of fun.

I’ve heard that most men are bad at sex. I’ve also heard that most women are too.

Women’s role in sex is mostly “passive.” This does not mean “inactive,” but rather, “reactive.” In other words, a woman “goes for a ride,” and a man “takes her for a ride.”

Here is an exercise for women to try, who think that they may be bad at sex.

Lie quietly on the bed. Invite your man to “come and take me for a ride, Big Boy!” The basic pattern is to react, erotically, to his action or stimulation. This can be a simple touch on the abdomen, or something of that sort. The reaction might be an erotic writhing and soft moaning. But, you should definitely express, so that your man can see and hear it, your internal state of pleasure.

For women who have a tendency to lie still like a sack of sand (apparently, most of them), this “erotic reaction” can be somewhat exaggerated and theatrical. But, it should be honest. It should be a portrayal of your interior state, of excitement. Don’t fake it. You can express what feels good and what doesn’t work so well, and the man can adjust accordingly. Also, a woman will probably find that, by being somewhat exaggerated and theatrical about it, her actual enjoyment is increased. By amplifying her external reaction, her internal reaction is also amplified.

I would do this with simple touching or kissing at first.

Eventually, you can advance to full-on screaming multiple orgasms. You might want to go somewhere that you don’t have to worry about other people hearing.

For some women, the screaming is the best part.

Most of the popular music of today, and also that of the 1970s, is basically hookup music. Here is an alternative, from 1973. Also note the singer (Karen Carpenter’s) dress and makeup. At the time, she lived with her parents in a small suburban house.

OK, some people would say “that’s so uncool!” But remember, Good=Boring. Things that are Good will seem Boring to people who are not that good. For example, some people are careful about their diet, because they are aware of the consequences of eating bad food. To people that are not careful with their diet, this seems very boring. Wouldn’t you rather binge on beer and Doritos?

However, to those that are Good, it is a lot of fun to be Good. For example, some people get very interested in vegan cooking, and working out, and looking good, which is the natural outcome from eating well and working out. They become Moms, and have a lot of fun with it.

Lots of girls these days, and also in the 1970s, wanted to be Bad. It seemed like so much more fun! But, don’t be surprised if they end up here:

People are Good basically because they don’t want to play out these dramas. Dating apps are full of worn-out sluts that now — after a decade of “fun” — say they “just want a good relationship with a good guy! Where have all the Good Guys gone?” But, usually they are not really capable of this anymore, and if they ever found a Good Guy, they would just make a mess of it. Can’t make a Hoe into a Housewife. Can’t make Jenny into Karen.

Jenny was a hoe and a druggie who became a single mom and died young from an STD. Sounds like “fun” doesn’t it?

My basic rule around here is: good things only. Don’t complain about what is. Say what should be, and how to get it.

But, since most people, especially younger people, will just imitate what everyone else is doing, I will give this here to give you a kick in the butt about why that isn’t going to work. So, I warned you. If you do what everyone does, and get the results that everyone gets, it’s your fault, not mine.

I agree that the older generations, today over 40, are the only ones left who have some depth to them. They are going to get old, lose energy, be hidden away in nursing homes, and die. Some younger people shake off their brainwashing, and do something to make up for the vacuity of the popular culture that they grew up in. You definitely want to be one of those people.

If there is one thing to do, to help make up for the vacuity of the modern mind, it is: read the Harvard Classics.

A HEAVY heart, Beloved, have I borne

From year to year until I saw thy face,

And sorrow after sorrow took the place

Of all those natural joys as lightly worn

As the stringed pearls, each lifted in its turn

By a beating heart at dance-time. Hopes apace

Were changed to long despairs, till God’s own grace

Could scarcely lift above the world forlorn

My heavy heart. Then thou didst bid me bring

And let it drop adown thy calmly great

Deep being ! Fast it sinketh, as a thing

Which its own nature doth precipitate.

While thine doth close above it, mediating

Betwixt the stars and the unaccomplished fate.

“Heaven,” they say, is a place where nobody lies, cheats, steals, or kills. Everybody works beneficially together.

Thus, it is a place where activity is limited. There are fewer options. People in heaven don’t have the option of lying, cheating, stealing or killing; or, they refuse these options.

“Good” behavior, here on Earth, is behavior that results in beneficient outcomes, for one’s self and others. The main reason that people engage in “good” behavior, is because they don’t like the results of “bad” behavior. “Bad” behavior, at the least, may do harm to one’s self, that outweighs any benefits. Or, it may do harm to others. It does not take long before other people shun those that do harm to them (theoretically). It results in contention rather than cooperation.

For example, people often decide, over time, that they will not engage in binge drinking; and perhaps, not in any drink at all. There are certain advantages that come from drinking. But, eventually we learn that whatever fun we may have from drinking on Friday night has to be paid for on Saturday morning, and perhaps beyond that in various long-term detrimental effects.

Thus, “good” people decide not to do some things that others do. These things are generally “fun” things, since if they weren’t fun things, nobody would do them. For example, if videogames were unpleasant, or at the very least unaddictive, then we wouldn’t have to say: “don’t play videogames excessively.” People would just avoid it. So, it is only the things that are “fun” but have bad outcomes that we have to make an effort to avoid, or that require a learning process to understand the costs/benefits involved.

People learn to eat “good” food, because they don’t like the results from eating “bad” food. This seems very boring to people who like Doritos and Mountain Dew.

So too in “dating,” or Courtship, people engage in “good” behavior because they don’t like the outcomes of “bad” behavior. You are just piling up bad consequences. Or, if they don’t have the direct experience, at least they take the guidance of others as to what constitutes “good” or “bad” behavior, and the likely outcomes.

This “good” behavior mostly involves limiting options. Do not do this. Do not do that. We do this because we want to avoid playing out certain unpleasant dramas that are the easily predictable outcomes of various “bad” behavior.

This seems very boring to others who are not so good.

This is normal. Expect it.

SigmaFrame recently had an interesting interview with former PUA RooshV. I thought this passage was particularly relevant:

Stephen: In your introduction, you write, “[Y]et it totally escaped me that I was receiving from women merely what I gave them.” Did you have an inkling of this earlier in the process? That “pickup” wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, even as you were succeeding at it?

Roosh: No, I did not see the truth until after I stopped fornicating. While pursuing women for sex, I was deceived into believing I was a “high value” man because of superficial qualities centered around my appearance and personality (but only the traits I would selectively reveal to women), and that I was entitled to a woman who was both sexually appealing like a pornographic actress, since I regularly watched porn, but also traditional with qualities such as honor, loyalty, and dedication. When I did not receive the woman I thought I deserved, one who existed primarily in my mind, I interpreted that as not indicative of my true worth or sense of delusion, since I obviously had “value” from being able to bed so many women; but this was a fault of the women themselves, which is why I spent an inordinate amount of time publicly complaining about their collective flaws and weaknesses.

The reality of what was happening is that I was pursuing harlots and succeeding with them — and them alone — because I mirrored their moral character. We both had no faith and looked to the opposite sex to “save” our miserable lives (from not having God). In other words, I was the harlot I slept with and then publicly criticized. But these women did not save me, and I surely didn’t save any woman, so I would whine endlessly that the world is filled with “sluts” and “whores.” Without Christ, I simply couldn’t see the error of my behavior, and it wasn’t until after repentance that this was clear to me.

It is no suprise that Roosh, in his PUA days, wanted sexy girls that would put out. The funny thing is that he also thought he deserved a good wife from this somehow — that one led to the other. This is relevant for men, but it can be applied virtually unchanged for women also. Women want “bad boys” (the male equivalent of harlots, as Roosh calls himself), but also traditional virtues. This is basically impossible.

“Good” girls can be as sexy, and as good in bed, as harlots and porn stars — better, actually. But, they don’t present themselves in public as “sluts.” Ideally, they reserve this only for their husband.

Today, a lot of contention is created by the idea that men should do some of the chores and duties of the household commonly given to women in the past. Some women make this into a big problem.

Basically, it boils down to this:

Stay at Home Moms are responsible for all traditional women’s chores, including cooking, cleaning, dishes, interior decoration, laundry and all childcare responsibilities. Ideally, a woman can also take care of a lot of minor issues related to the house, such as shopping for and maintaining utilities like internet and electricity, home and auto insurance, and automobile repair and maintenance (by an auto mechanic.) A man should be able to come home from work and find everything in order and all the work done. Then, he can focus his attention on a few matters that might come up, and also a few traditionally male responsibilities, typically centered on yardwork and repair and maintenance of the home. If a man doesn’t want to do this, he can hire a landscaping service and a handyman. Also, a husband is responsible for his role in child-raising (which is not the same as child care).

Full-Time Working Moms really don’t have enough hours in the day to take care of all these tasks. So, some of these traditional women’s tasks will have to be split with the husband, or perhaps others will have to be hired to take care of them. Even here, however, the traditional responsibilities of the Stay At Home Mom are not split 50:50. This is because the husband also has his Traditional Husband Chores. This is one big reason why I do not recommend that mothers work full-time. The children will inevitably be neglected, even if huge amounts of money are spent on top private schools. Part-time working moms will fit somewhere along this spectrum.

This is sensible and logical. The problem arises when Stay at Home Moms expect a husband to take upon himself significant amounts of her responsibilities, Because Feminism.

This is very obvious, but it seems that women can’t figure it out. They just want to be lazy and indolent and troublesome, Because Feminism. Or, they are imitating the example of Working Moms. So, if you are a Stay At Home Mom, which I recommend, then do your damn work and be happy about it. Be Productive. Stop Complaining. Pity those working mothers, who really have too much to do and no respite from their endless burdens; and also, their husbands, who, in addition to all the new housework that he must do in addition to his job, have to deal with these tired, worn-out bitches at the end of the day, surrounded by his own children picking up all the bad habits and influences that happen when they are neglected by their parents.

You can be a woman who is an ally of men. Who wishes for men’s wellbeing. Once you see this kind of woman, you notice the difference between them and the other women who are basically men’s enemies, although usually they don’t know it.

Dr. Helen Smith listened to what men were talking about:

Men: Marriage is a crappy deal these days. The chances of success are small, and the situation in the divorce courts is a horror. Women don’t make good wives. They don’t even make good girlfriends.

Dr. Smith: Hmmm … it seems like men think that: Marriage is a crappy deal these days. The chances of success are small, and the situation in the divorce courts is a horror. Women don’t make good wives. They don’t even make good girlfriends.

She even wrote a book about it, called Men on Strike. It’s pretty good.

This is so unusual, that it is hard to find any women at all who are like this.

So, you should be a woman like Dr. Helen Smith.

Most women today cause harm to men. Often, they get enjoyment from causing as much harm as possible, or extracting as much time, energy and resources as possible. They are takers and destroyers and problem-creators, not producers and builders and problem-solvers. A man cannot have a taker/destroyer/problem-creator in his life. I estimate that 80% of women today, in the U.S., make bad wives. They are takers/destroyers/problem-creators. In the past, I think that probably 80% of American women made good wives. That is a big change.

Men have learned to avoid these women. But, men are not women’s enemies. Men do not take/destroy/create problems for women. They just avoid them, or not do something. About the worst a man will do is leave, or “ghost” a woman. Or, maybe he will not pay for dinner, and not give you money, and not fix the things you can’t fix yourself, and not marry you. This is because men want to avoid the taking/destroying/problem-creating. They do not want to be exploited. The extent of their productive cooperation with a woman has been satisfied.

Among the duties of the Stay At Home Wife, Cooking is a major way in which she can contribute to the family’s health and wellbeing.

There are a lot of things that women used to do, but which have become a lot easier today. Before 1850, women had to spin fiber into thread, and then weave thread into cloth. This was no joke. Then, a woman had to make the cloth into clothing, or perhaps do things like knitting. Today, making clothing is an admirable hobby, but there is no good reason to do it unless you really want to. (I once had a male friend who raised his own sheep, made his own wool yarn, and knit his own sweaters from it.)

Between vacuum cleaners or washing machines, there is no good reason to spend more time on housework than it demands, which should not be more than about an hour a day. It seems like women like to draw this out, and then moan about how hard it is. I did housework when I was single, including vacuuming, bathroom cleaning and laundry, and I don’t think I spent more than about 3 hours a week at it.

Preparing and preserving food used to be a big part of women’s duties. Between harvest time in October and June, nothing was coming from gardens or farms. Everything had to be preserved for the winter. This meant canning, or drying, root cellaring or many other things. Butter or cheese had to be made. Fish or fowl had to be butchered and cleaned.

Today, you can just buy these things.

It may seem that a woman doesn’t really have to cook much these days either. There are all kinds of prepared foods available in the supermarket, or you could go to a cheap takeout option like pizza or Chinese food.

There are a lot of problems with this. The first is: nearly all prepared food options, in the supermarket or from restaurants, are bad for you. If you eat this stuff every day, for every meal, you will end up overweight/obese and with bad health problems. Prepared foods from the supermarket soon degenerates into snack foods. It can become common for 30%+ of people’s diets to consist of junk foods like chips, soda, ice cream, cookies, candy and doughnuts.

I say that a wife should concentrate on making food from scratch, with high quality ingredients, and single-ingredient foods. Organic beans. Rice. Spices. Canned tomatoes. Lettuce. Beef. Orange juice. Olive oil. If you are using basic foods like these, you can raise the quality, buying organic grains or pasture-raised beef, without spending a lot of money. Lots of fruits and vegetables, please.

There are a lot of options available for making food quickly, from single-ingredient foods. Oatmeal for breakfast. A sandwich for lunch. Pasta or soup for dinner. (You can make soup and eat it for several days afterwards.) Canning or freezing your homemade foods will give you instant-prep options that are also healthy and homemade. It is an easy matter to make 12 quarts of homemade chili, and then can it into 12 Mason jars.

Usually, you can save a lot of money by cooking yourself. With a family of four, it is not hard to save perhaps $20/day ($5/person, over three meals) compared to supermarket prepared-food alternatives, or takeout restaurants. That is $600 a month. It’s enough to pay for an automobile.

Also, cooking usually means eating together. That’s because there’s nothing to eat until the cooking is done. There are no snack foods that you can just take out of a plastic bag. It’s important for a family to eat together every day.

But the real fun comes when a wife goes beyond just providing minimum healthy nutrition for a minimal cost and minimum expenditure of time and effort. When a woman becomes a little ambitious about cooking, she provides real benefit to her family every day, while also having a lot of fun in the process. Cooking should be a hobby. You can get enthusiastic about it. The more you put into it, the more you get out of it.

Now we are trying new recipes all the time. A wife might have themes that she is working on. Beans, for example. You can’t just “eat beans.” What can you do with these things? Find 20 bean recipes that you like. Get a pressure cooker. Find 10 different ways to cook potatoes. Practice ten Thai recipes, or ten Indian recipes. Or, make ten things from Mastering the Art of French Cooking. Usually, you have to make something 3-4 times before you get it right anyway. If it is something completely foreign, like chana masala, it might take 5-8 tries.

Maybe you want to get away from typical fare, and try vegan or no-wheat options.

Study nutrition. Unfortunately, this can become very complicated and confusing, so I will simplify: eat natural whole foods, especially fruits, vegetables, and meats (if you want). Get high quality materials, such as organic vegetables. Avoid all GMO foods, which mostly means corn and soy found in processed foods. You might try de-emphasizing, or eliminating, wheat, baked goods, white sugar or dairy.

Teach yourself to cook like a serious chef. This might take five years or more. It took my wife five years of daily cooking to get good at it. Today, it is hard to find a restaurant anywhere that is better than what we eat at home. I have been to not only good restaurants, but famous restaurants, that were not as good as what we eat at home.

Use the dining room. Some women have dinner every day in the dining room. They use the nice silverware, and the glasses, and the napkins every day. Why not. Get some nice dishware. Dishware doesn’t really wear out, so there is a lot of it available on the used market for very little cost. You can find very high quality items for perhaps 10%-20% of the original new price.

Yes, you can do this every day.

I say this in particular for young women, or girls, who think that maybe they want to be a stay-at-home wife, but they don’t really know what this might mean. Sometimes, they think it means: cleaning the toilet. Yes, you have to clean the toilet (you have to do this as a single career woman too), but if you are spending more than 5 minutes at it, it is taking too long. Usually, these days, young women or girls think that being a stay-at-home wife means: being a Disney Princess. Your husband and family is there to serve you and your whims, and are responsible for your continuing pleasure and entertainment. Sometimes, girls are taught that to do anything at all beneficial for the others in the family is oppression. Because: feminism. These women will spend their lives being told what to do all day by corporate bosses. Good luck with that!

No — you must be productive, and one of the best ways to be productive is to cook food that improves the health and lifestyle of the whole family. This is something that people do every day; actually, three times a day. Do it well. It is also a lot of fun. Just watch a cooking show, with Emeril Lagasse or Giada de Laurentiis. Doesn’t that look like fun?

“Roma Army” is certainly one of the strangest apparitions on YouTube. Yet, for some reason — it doesn’t seem quite like TradThottery — she makes videos in support of men and their difficulties.

Yes, you can do that. I include her here mostly as an example of the principle that a woman can be a friend and ally to men, rather than an enemy.

A woman who does not bring benefit to a man, but instead causes conflict and harm, is a woman that men should avoid. Men, in principle, would not marry these women, or even allow a “relationship.” The main problem is weeding them out. If all you offer is WAP, then a man’s primary objective is how to get that and avoid all the rest. This is just rational behavior. Cost/benefit.

In the end, some men will go and do their own thing, along with the women who choose to join them and make themselves tolerable and beneficent, and the rest of the barren whores, manipulative bitches and male feminists will be left to burn in hell.