As I have been explaining, marriage is a terrible deal for men these days. It does not work out well about 80% of the time, and the consequences can be horrific. This will have to be fixed. The two basic elements of this are:

1. The legal standing of men, particularly regarding divorce, false rape or domestic violence claims, spurious “sexual harrassment” claims at work or school, etc.
2. Women’s behavior.

Men’s natural response to this is to avoid marriage. Many men today support marriage in principle, but not in practice: under today’s conditions, it is far too risky and far too unrewarding.

I do not think women realize how much danger they are in. So far, about 92% of all White women have been able to marry. But, this might fall to 70% and even 50% over the next decade or so, if things keep going as they are.

Thus, women’s interests and men’s are aligned. There needs to be a tolerable legal standing for both men and women, that makes marriage an attractive proposition. Women’s behavior needs to be good enough that a man can consider himself fortunate to be married, instead of single. She has to be a Good Wife, because nobody wants to be married to a Bad Wife. (I estimate that only about 20% of women today are Good Wives, according to the judgement of the men they are married to.) As women’s behavior gets worse and worse, men react by making relationships more and more transient. Men need to be able to discard a woman when she goes rotten. Men can’t invest very much time, attention or emotional attachment to a woman, because she can go rotten at any moment. You can’t have children involved. Marriage is increasingly off the table; but also, cohabitation, and even a monogamous LTR “boyfriend” arrangement with some emotional investment. If men don’t trust you, you aren’t going to get past the FWB stage.

If a woman does not do this, and instead supports the continuation and worsening of the problems that already exist, she becomes an enemy of marriage and family, even if she herself thinks that she wants marriage and family. No man should marry such a woman, or let her live in his house.

In other words, a man in favor of marriage, and a woman, should sound about the same. Also, being in favor of marriage and family, as an institution, not just as a handy means to extort cash and prizes from a man through the divorce process, should be a requirement for any man to marry a woman.

Since theory and reasoning don’t work well with women, it is better to have an example. If you support the institution of marriage and family, then you have to also be in support of changes that strengthen marriage and family. It looks like this:

And this:

Let’s continue with “Laine’s Letters,” which are not only some good ideas to get by on a less-than-average income, but also an example of the very best of wives. After all this scrimping and saving, she concludes: “I am so thankful!”

17 ~ I’ve learned to be very thankful and content. They’re both infectious, you know. “Be content with such things as you have” (Hebrews 13:5). I lived for three months when I was seventeen in a Muslim household in Tunisia, North Africa without a place to bathe in the house, without a washer and dryer, without a car, without a refrigerator, without a phone, without screens on the windows {flies everywhere}, without a flushing toilet or toilet paper, without a dishwasher or even a nice sink. The cooking was done on a little hot plate. The weather was hot, hot, hot. The milk came in a horse drawn cart with flies all around it. If we needed some tomato paste, we bought it in tablespoon increments. Nothing was wasted, because money was scarce.

In America, we would considered this family so very poor. But in their country they were middle class. I think about my living conditions there a lot. Especially when I am taking a nice, hot bath. I have so much to be thankful for. So much to be content about. It was the hardest summer of my life. But it was one summer that I learned the most, which has served me well in marriage. My husband says I’m one of the most contented women he knows. I only have to think of my stay in Tunisia, and I am totally content. “Let your manner of life be without covetousness, and be content with such things as you have, for He has said, ‘I will never leave you, nor forsake you.’ So that we may boldly say, ‘The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do to me.”

18 ~ I often tell my kids, “it’s not the amount of money that comes in, rather how it goes out that counts.” So many people think that if they have more money, they would be better off. When good things increase, those who consume them increase. So what is the advantage to their owners except to look on? (Ecclesiastes 5:11) Rather: “Godliness with contentment is great gain” (I Timothy 6:6).

I have lived in this house with holes in my flooring, carpeting that’s ripping up or has holes in it, sinks that are in rough shape, a tub with slight cracks in it, windows that are foggy because the panes are permanently damaged, the same couches for 16 years {and they were used when we bought them}, and numerous other things. Our house is hot, hot in the summer and cold, cold in the winter due to poor insulation. But I’ve learned to live with all of it, and to be so thankful. I keep two rooms warm in the winter with a kerosene heater and a fireplace. A curtain keeps the heat in our kitchen in the winter. It’s my “winter look.” The fireplace keeps the living room warm. It’s so cozy in there. I can keep the house cool in the summer by running our whole house fan early in the morning with all the windows open, then shutting everything up and draping cooling shades over the main windows. The fans do the rest. It’s amazing how you learn to work with an old house over the years

I really enjoy fixing this home up. I love my flooring, holes and all. I have throw rugs all over my ripped up carpet. And I paint, patch, and design the rest with quilts, tea cups and tea pots, family photos that I took antiques bought at the thrift shop, doilies, lots of lace, beautiful smelling candles, a fire going in the fireplace, and keeping my home clean and fresh smelling. It doesn’t cost a lot to do that. I try to take the load off my husband by making his home as welcoming and comforting as I can on a dime. We sleep 7 1/2 to 8 hours a night so I try to have all our beds nice and cozy. Likewise, we eat three times a day. So this is another area that I try to spend our money wisely. It is for health, comfort, and economy. Not easy, but the Lord shows me the way. I love learning from Him! It’s really the simple things that bring so much pleasure.

(Commentary from Lori Alexander)

Many years ago, when I first began reading Laine’s Letters, I remember her testimony. In her early years of marriage, she was not a good homemaker. She watched a lot of Soap Operas and was not submissive to her husband. After the birth of one of her children who was gravely ill, she made a promise to God that she would get up early every morning and spend time with Him, if He would heal her child.

The child lived, so she kept her promise and woke up every morning at 4:00 a.m. and spent time knowing Jesus. It completely changed her life, marriage, and family. She learned about submission, being a keeper at home, loving her husband and children, etc. She stopped watching Soap Operas and spent her time caring for her family, home, and others.

19 ~ My husband and I have an allowance each week. Whenever I work on some one’s budget, I always give the husband and wife a personal weekly allowance. I think it is the oil that keeps the marriage wheels running smoothly. ~Smile~

20 ~ We saved a lot of money and time by allowing our kids to be involved in mostly music and church. My older son teaches piano, so this has paid many of his bills. His piano lessons were a wonderful investment. We were careful about letting them get too over involved in anything. It saved our family life and our finances. We still eat together most evenings! Since our income is so tight, we have to pray and carefully consider what we can allow them to do. We don’t pay them allowances, rather they work for their money.

21 ~ One of my best saving money secrets is to just stay home. The more you are in the stores, the more tempted you are to spend. So you save on gas, time, and money when you just stay home. I try to shop with a list in hand. That way I stick to the list and buy what I really need. But I sure save a lot when i just stay home more than when I go into the stores.

22 ~ As I mentioned before, I use my allowance for gift buying. I keep a gift box. It is really a small cupboard under my bookcase filled with all kinds of gifts that I find at great prices. Then when I need a gift, I go shopping there first. I try to keep a $3 and under gift allowance on each gift.

23 ~ My husband and I have never been able to afford going out on dates, or going away alone for the weekend. Our time together has always been our morning coffee chat every day. And since we could not afford going away for the weekend, I made our bedroom as romantic as possible. My husband never had his own room growing up. He slept in the living room on two cushions pulled out from the couch. So it has been my pleasure to make this room a mini-retreat for him each day.

24 ~ I nursed all of our children for a year each. This was a big savings since we have four children, yet it was not easy for me. But I had to do it, for we simply could not afford formula. I only had one side that worked, so the doctor told me to nurse on that one side. I was up every two to three hours with all of my children, because I only had one side to give them. I prayed, I cracked, I prayed, I cried, I prayed, I was exhausted, I prayed, and I had numerous breast infections with each one of them. I prayed and prayed for God’s help and strength. He did indeed help me, because I wanted to give up over and over again. I look back now and see His incredible Hand in every situation and know His strength got me through. Nursing was never easy for me, yet I would do it all over again. Back then, I didn’t even know how good it was for the baby and for me. So God used tight finances to teach me so much. That is why I can look on illness and health problems differently…He is teaching me so much during this time about herbs, nutrition, exercise, etc. “Discipline is never pleasant at the time, but so profitable to those who have been trained by it” (Hebrews 12:11).

(Commentary from Lori Alexander)

Since typing all of these posts out that Laine wrote, I truly see what an amazing woman of God she was and how much she depended upon His strength for wisdom and joy. I love learning from wise woman and she certainly qualifies.

As I recall, the last letter I got from her, both of her sons were married and both of their wives were pregnant. Her sons were away in the military so they both lived in trailers on her property. (I may have some of the details wrong but this is what I recall.) One daughter-in-law was so sick that she had to go back home with her family. Laine and her husband did adopt a baby girl from China.

25 ~ We try to keep things running with good maintenance. My husband changes the oil in the cars regularly. I keep the vacuum filters clean with regular maintenance. Likewise, the dryer lint vent, and other machines we use. It pays to keep them up, so that you won’t have to buy another one due to poor maintenance. My husband always tries to fix things himself, especially our cars. He’ll get a book and figure it out, get on the phone and talk to other men, then tackle the task himself. I am usually in the house praying for him.

26 ~ Many times we must wait on the Lord for something and pray. We have waited on the Lord many times during a crisis. He is always faithful. He always shows us the way. “You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee, because he trusts in Thee” (Isaiah 26:3).

27 ~ I am learning that organization saves time and money. Which is why I am organizing this house and have been for many years. I didn’t get into this unorganized problem overnight, so it’s taking me awhile to get things in order. The better the kitchen runs, the more time and money I can save.

28 ~ “Use it up” or “wear it out” or “make do.” This is definitely how we live which is how we save. And if you keep it clean, it’s really not that expensive, because you don’t have to buy another. My grandmother used to say it doesn’t cost much to keep things clean. She was right.

29 ~ I’ve cut our hair for twenty years. Incredible savings here. I would estimate about a $2400 savings or more here, so that really helped us pay off our house. Plus I saved on gas getting to the hairdressers and time spent there. I learned from a book from the library and from asking hairdressers questions.

30 ~ We’ve never paid for a babysitter. I know that’s hard to believe, but we never have. We’ve either swapped babysitting, had my folks babysit for special occasions, or we didn’t go. We just couldn’t afford babysitters and a night out on our tight budget. Our nights out were very modestly priced when we did go, which was rare, as I’ve mentioned before.

31 ~ We buy our clothes at thrift shops or garage sales or on sale at the stores. We’ve never spent a lot on clothes.

32 ~ I’ve been the family photographer for years. I took photography in college so our living room is adorned with shots of our kids as they grew up. In 24 years of marriage, we’ve only had our family picture taken professionally three times.

33~ We have used a credit card most of our married life, but we have never paid an interest charge on anything we’ve charged. We pay it off as soon as it comes in. So we charge only what we can afford. Then a sale is really a sale, no interest charges. We’ve never charged furniture. Rather we buy it used or use items given to us.

34~ My wedding ring has been broken for three years now (diamond fell out). But I’d rather see the house paid off, so I’ve been waiting patiently. On Valentine’s Day, Art bought me an old fashioned silver ring to put in place of my wedding ring until we can afford to fix it. There have been so many things like that. Our CD player has been broken for over a year. Our television was broken, so we used this little one in its place. The kids’ friends used to laugh when they saw it. But we had a goal to pay off our house, so we kept working with what we had.

35~ Last year the dentist told me that Abbie had a problematic tooth which wouldn’t come out without going to an oral surgeon. As I mentioned before, we don’t have dental insurance. So Art told Abbie he would give her $10 if she got that tooth out. I prayed and prayed, while she pried and poked at that tooth all summer. Finally, at the end of the summer, she got the tooth out! I’ll never forget how excited we were. Now she has to have orthodontist work, but we have been praying and saving.

36~ We wash our own cars. Or we hire our kids to wash our cars giving them some spending money for a good job done.

37~ I love to learn, so I am always learning whenever the opportunity. I have attended many classes on different subjects over the years to help me be better at my job. Some were free or near free, but so helpful. Like my photography class. I took it at night when I had two children and was pregnant with my third.

The Food Network shows that my uncle tapes for me are like mini cooking classes. I just feel so blessed to learn from these incredible chefs and cooking teachers. After we get done watching a program, we all head out to the kitchen to whip something up! It just puts you in the mood. ~Smile~

38~ I learned to plant or transplant flowers or plants. This helps in saving money in the garden. I love ivy, geranium, lavender, and rosemary for my area. They are great growers without a lot of water. I am constantly reading up on gardening, for it’s an area I would like to improve on.

39~ We have built up a family library. I love good books. I have so many wonderful books. Many of them I bought at the thrift shop. I’ve always got my nose in a good book. So do my children. I’ve taught them for years that they can learn anything if they’ve got a good book to learn from. And that you’re never too old to learn, rather you’ll be learning all your life. I never think I’ve got something down, rather I keep trying to learn and improve on what I do already know.

40~ I’ve learned to spend according to what comes in, not what is projected. That would be like counting your chickens before they were hatched. Not good financing.

Wealth gained hastily will dwindle,
but whoever gathers little by little will increase it.
Proverbs 13:11

41 ~ Don’t compare yourself. I’ve found this can be costly. So I just stay in my budget with my man. It’s cheaper and so much more peaceful.

42~ Find one used if possible. I remember when we needed a washer, for ours had finally bit the dust. I asked the LORD if anyone had a washer they didn’t need just hanging around. One of my friends called that evening and told me about this washer she had on her porch that she was getting rid of. I’m still using that washer. ~Smile~ (In the picture are our used washer and dryer with my homemade laundry powder!)

43~ Wait patiently when there is a need to see how God will provide. We needed firewood for the winter. I pray about it in the summer. I asked the LORD to bring it in. He did! Art picked some of it up, and some of it was delivered right to our home, totally free of charge. We used that wood all this past winter. When I would use it, I’d think of the faithfulness of God.

44~ We couldn’t afford private, Christian school for our kids, so I homeschooled all of them. I’ve been doing it for the past 14 years, having graduated two of our children. This was a big savings here, and I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat. No, not for the savings either. But it sure did help us to pay off our house. I always had the kids helping us pay off the house. Quincy kept bees and a big garden. Brady kept the chickens and goats. Now the roles are switched, and Abbie keeps the goats, while Gabe takes care of the chickens and fruit trees. Gabe wants to make a garden with his dad this summer. I love to keep my kids motivated in helping their dad financially by all their work around here. It makes us such a good team.

45~ Every little bit does count. Say for example, you learn as I did that you can use half as much clothing detergent and just set your washer cycle to agitate a little longer. Not more water, just more agitation to get the clothes cleaner. Or you can soak your clothes overnight in the washer, then start the load the next morning with half as much detergent than you usually use. Now say you usually spend $12 a month on clothing detergent. This is about $144 a year, or $2448 for 17 years. So, if you save half of that by cutting down your detergent to half your normal use, while still getting your clothes clean, you’ve saved $72 a year or $1224 in 17 years. These are the kinds of savings I would practice to pay off our home in 17 years. I was always multiplying things by 12 for the entire year’s use. All those little savings do add up.

46~ Pray, pray, pray. I pray beforehand, during, and after. I pray before I go shopping, while I’m in the store, at the cash register, and on my way home. I pray when every check comes in that the LORD will give me wisdom to use it for His will. I just need the LORD’s help so much in giving, saving, and spending. It’s a training going on in my home that affects us, my children, and grandchildren. The LORD is able to do above all that we ask or think. Paying off our last debt, our home, in our 40’s is one of those incredible answers to prayer.

47~ We don’t change cars very often. We keep our cars for a long time. We just keep up the maintenance on them. Presently I drive a 1986 Honda. I just love it.

48~ We do not withdraw money without the other’s knowledge. So I don’t have to worry about an ATM withdrawal that my husband made without my knowing, thereby putting our account into jeopardy if I was to write a check thinking that money was in there. We work together as a team. We also do not make any singular purchases over $50 without the other’s prior knowledge and consent. This has served us well. So I’ve never had a check bounce.

49~ Our children get one big birthday party during their growing up. Otherwise, it is a family birthday party. This saves so much money and stress. Plus that one party is a lot of fun, since we only do it once in their childhood. Quincy had his at 18, Brady had his at 16, and I think Abbie is shooting for hers at 16 as well. Gabe is still up in the air about his. We really enjoy our family parties and make a big deal about the cake. They will spend days choosing their cake, especially when they were young. Although Abbie is studying my cookbooks presently for her upcoming birthday. Our children love to buy presents for each other. I take them to the thrift shops and other inexpensive stores to shop for their siblings. My boys have their own incomes, so they really enjoy shopping for their siblings. I think we’ve always enjoyed our family parties. As I said before, I think the good things in life can be so simple and pleasurable.

50~ I just thank the LORD for all I have. I am so blessed. I have a husband who works hard to take care of us. I have four children who work with me to bless their dad. We have running water, even hot running water. So many servants: a washer, a dryer, a vacuum, a toaster, a blender, a microwave, a telephone, a computer, a stove, an oven, a refrigerator with a freezer in it, a car, and an indoor toilet. I am so thankful!

There are a lot of women today who do a lot of “dating,” but never have a boyfriend. One reason is that they are too slutty for even short-term monogamy. But, there are a large number of women who sort-of wanted a more serious relationship, that might lead to marriage, and never got it.

I mention this for all those girls who think that they are going to just do what everyone else is doing, in this time when even those things are crumbling to dust, and that somehow something wonderful is going to come of it. Good luck with that!

Usually, these girls figure out something is wrong around age 30, and often try to do something about it. But, it is usually too late for them by then. They are too old, have too much history, their bad habits have hardened unalterably, and they have already made their decisions (often, Married to the Corporation).

Lori Alexander offered a series called Laine’s Letters, from a website no longer online. It is from a housewife in California, who stayed at home to homeschool four children, raising her family on a household income of not more than $30,000. It gives a good idea of how to live on a low income, but more than that, it shows the attitude of a Good Wife. She had a lot to complain about, but she never complained, and instead made getting by in the lower-middle class into a triumph.

Here is the first of Laine’s Letters:

1 ~ Tithe the first of our income ~ as soon as it comes in. This is the foundation of our money (Proverbs 3:9,10). We had a hard time with this when we first began tithing, and it was hit or miss whether we tithed or gave. We definitely had a “purse with holes in it” as described in Malachi for those who do not put God first in their finances. We then got serious and gave regularly. God sewed up the holes in our purse. (She taught her children to tithe, too.)

“Bring all your tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in Mine House, and prove Me now herewith, saith the Lord of Hosts, if I will not open the Windows of Heaven and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it” (Malachi 3:10).

2 ~ Give to the poor and those that are in need every month, as well as the spreading of the gospel. A generous man will be blessed, the Bible says. “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you” (Luke 7:38).  “He who has pity on the poor lends to the Lord, and He will pay back what he has given” (Proverbs 19:17).

3 ~ Pay back all our debts. We paid more on the principal every month to get the house loan paid off quicker. We also pay our taxes and have the money ready when it is required. “Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes: if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor. Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another” (Romans 13:7, 8). So we paid back all of our debts. Many, many times at self-sacrifice.You can’t imagine how joyful my husband is at having no debt against his name.

4 ~ Save, save, save. Every paycheck, I do my best to put a little away. Even if it is only a little, it is a savings. We have a savings account, a retirement account where a sum is taken out of my husband’s salary each month, and an emergency account for emergencies. “There is desirable treasure and oil in the dwelling of the wise, but a foolish man squanders all that he has.” Proverbs 21:20

5 ~ A good budget is a necessity. There are so many good Christian books on budgeting by Larry Burkett and Ron Blue among others. I can tell right where I am in a month just by checking my budget in my purse that I keep on 3X5 cards. {Then she has a Yearly Budget and a Bare Bones Budget in case her husband became ill or hurt.}

6 ~ A Freedom Account is something I learned from Mary Hunt years ago. I take my yearly expenses and divide that amount by twelve, then I know how much has to go into my Freedom Account each month for these yearly expenses when they crop up….It takes discipline, but it’s so profitable once you’ve been trained by it.

7 ~ I do my best to keep our electrical and water bills as low as possible. When we were in an electrical crisis and our bill tripled overnight, we went into a very small, hip high refrigerator with no freezer and shut down our water heater. …We had to heat our water to bathe and to wash dishes. It was rough for awhile, but I was able to keep us on our budget. {She admits that they had to truly sacrifice to get out of debt and this is an example of a sacrifice they made, no hot running water for a time.}

8 ~ I keep our telephone bill at $25 a month or lower. The way I’ve been able to do that is by using a phone card from Costco for long distance calling…We call my mother-in-law weekly and a few other calls during the month, but mostly we write letters or email. {Today, with iPhone, it makes having a phone ridiculously expensive! I have lived 55 years without an iPhone and I am sure you can to if you wanted to in order to get out of debt.}

9 ~ I save a lot of money on food by cooking from scratch and by continuing to try new recipes in my kitchen. I make a lot of things from scratch including some cleansers and cheese, buttermilk, yogurt, etc. I make almost all of our bread and keep stretching myself in this area to include all types of bread. “In the house of the wise are stores of choice food and oil, but a foolish man devours all that he has.” {Proverbs 21:20} I pray before I shop, while I shop, and then after I shop as to what I will cook. I love shopping with the Lord! I shop from many stores and loss leaders so I shop weekly. About eating out, that is something we don’t do very often, so it’s really special when we do eat out. I love the Dollar Stores and have found many great deals there. Also Big Lots is another favorite of mine. It’s really amazing how much you can save by simply staying home. ~Smile~

10 ~ Savings must be like a bill that you pay. It really helps to look at it that way and to get it into another account as soon as possible. “After all, children should not have to save up for their parents, but parents for their children.” {2 Corinthians 12:14}

11 ~ An emergency savings is good to have in your house for emergencies. This also should not be touched unless you have to use it. I learned this from a book about the depression. It’s so good to have on hand.

12 ~ I read Christian finance books frequently. {She then lists books by Larry Burkett, Ron Blue, Mary Hunt, Tightwad Gazette, and Miserly Moms by Jonni McCoy.}

13 ~ We don’t have any cable, so we don’t get much reception. But I figure we have saved approximately $6000 in the past 17 years living without cable. {You could save a lot more than that these days!}

14 ~ We also do not have Internet access. Whenever we need to use the Internet, I use it at the library for free.

15 ~ I try to keep us as healthy as possible by good food with quality ingredients. “She is like the merchant ships, she brings her food from afar.” I study health, nutrition, and herbs as much as I do stretching our finances. It has saved our teeth, since we don’t have dental insurance. I am amazed at a woman’s saving power in the home. It’s such a blessing! Time is money. What we do with our time results in how our money is spent, one way or another. I keep studying Proverbs 31 and praying through the verses to learn to practice all that God would have me to practice in keeping this home. I recognize that in my home keeping ~ spiritual, emotional, and physical health is going on. It’s all so invaluable that you can’t put a price tag on it.

16 ~ It’s so true that if you waste not, you want not. I’m always looking for ways to stretch something a little farther. “Better to go to be supperless, than to rise in debt.” {Benjamin Franklin}

There’s nothing wrong with being 32 and single, if you don’t want to have children and a family (that is, a husband and children). You can just “have fun,” or work on your career, or whatever it is that single women do in their thirties.

But, a lot of women finally figure out that they want children and family. Remember, about 92% of all White women actually do get married, or they have, until now. This does not even count the women who wanted to get married, but didn’t. Mostly, they want to get married because they want to have children.

Let’s say that you wanted to get married. What to do then? Well, whatever you have been doing hasn’t worked very well, or you would not be single — that is, not only unmarried, but without even a significant boyfriend. Many women get to 32 and find that they have not even had a significant boyfriend, ever. If they are not outright sluts (many are not), they have been in Side Chick Rotation.

Mostly, men should not marry women over 26. These women are just bad risks. There is not much chance of success, and terrible consequences for failure. So, a woman who wants to get married after age 32 needs to be significantly different than all the other women in a similar situation.

Let’s look at some of the factors that make these women bad risks.

Thug spawn. Single moms with children — a large portion of all unmarried women over 30.

Sluts. Also a large portion of all women over 30. One problem with sluts is that they are still sluts after you marry them. Sluts gonna slut. Expect rampant cheating. No man needs this kind of trauma in his life, especially when children are involved.

Incapable of pair-bonding. Even women who were never really sluts, but always wanted a serious relationship (although rarely getting it), typically have destroyed their pair-bonding potential by 30. The general rule for women is: three sexual partners for every year she lives alone. This is roughly the median. Three is not very much. For many women, it means a hookup which was a bad idea; two failed attempts at forming a lasting relationship via “dating” that turned into little more than a hookup, and 362 nights of solitude. This is not very much for a young woman with itchy panties, compared to the monogamous young wife of the same age who is getting pounded four nights a week. Any actual woman might have ten times more than the median, or one-tenth as many. Some women are actually virgins at 30. But, men assume that all women will lie about “their number,” except perhaps the virgin. Pair-bonding potential in women tends to disappear after five sexual partners.

Married to the corporation. Her real marriage has already been established. A man is just a disposable sperm donor and ATM machine.

Feminist horseshit. There’s a reason she’s still single.

So, I would say to a 32yo woman who wants to get married, that you must be significantly better than all the other 32yo women who want to get married. Many will actually get married, but most husbands will regret this decision. They are, actually, unfit for marriage. “Significantly better” also means: significantly different — not only different than other women, but significantly different than your own past behavior which is obviously not working. You want not only to get married, but also to be the kind of wife that a man is happy to be married to. I don’t mean “theoretically,” but actually. After all is done, when you are 70 years old, you want your husband to be able to look back and say: “she was a good wife.” This applies even to those men who were bad husbands. When you are 70, he should be able to look back and say: “I was a piece of shit, and everything that happened was my fault, because she was always a good wife.”

I do not want to be the guy who enables a bunch of unfit women to make men miserable by marrying them, wreaking chaos and destruction along the way. If you can’t be a Good Wife, then please stay single.

Find a man who will marry you. This is different than “find a man,” or “find a man who is fun.” A lot of women split their “find a man” efforts into two: Mr. Right, and Mr. Right Now. For Mr. Right, they have a long wish list. Mr. Right Now doesn’t have any such requirements. The result is that she never actually meets Mr. Right, who doesn’t actually exist; or, if he does, he is not interested in her. Mr. Right is just a fantasy with no practical application. She only has Mr. Right Now. Basically, she is a slut, because even if she doesn’t want to be a slut, Mr. Right Now doesn’t stick around, and she wouldn’t even want it if he did, since he is not Mr. Right at all; so, she has to find a new Mr. Right Now.

This doesn’t work. You have to find a man that will actually marry you. This means a real man — probably not in the Top 10%, because men in the Top 10% don’t waste their time with 32yo leftovers with issues, with a few exceptions of course. Many Top 10% men are not available. They are already married. When they got married, they were not yet a Top 10% man. Even if men in the Top 10% had no standards or preferences whatsoever, and married whatever woman basically at random, even then, only 10% of women would marry a Top 10% man. But, once you add some standards and preferences, then we see that, for the most part, the Top 10% Man is 90% likely to marry a woman in the Top 20%. This leaves only 1% of men for the remaining 80% of women, and 80:1 ratio, assuming even that that man is interested in marriage at all.

I would be very overt about your marriage goals. This will screen out 96% of men (on dating apps for example), but may actually be a plus for those few men that are interested in finding good wives. They want a serious woman, with discipline, not just a “let’s have fun and see what happens” girl. Every man assumes anyway that a woman over 30 wants to get married quickly and have children, even if she claims otherwise.

When you start to meet the Real Men who actually have some interest in potentially marrying you (basically, you are not too ugly or have other upfront disqualifiers, in their view), you will see what your real options are. Let’s say you meet ten men who roughly fit this category. Probably, you will never do better than the top 2-3 of these men, no matter how long you spend at it; for one thing, you are getting older, and if you dillydally for three more years, you will be 35. Your choice is to marry a man like that, or remain single and childless forever.

Plan to be a Good Wife. This is different than having a goal of Getting Married. A lot of women want to get married, and achieve this; and then, they have no idea what to do next. They never wanted to actually be married. Mostly, they drift on their “feelings” and the norms they see around them, which usually means that they are cheating before too long, or making their husband miserable with the usual nagging, complaining and manipulation.

A woman who wants to be a Good Wife will often find it easy to get married also, even if she is not thinking about that very much. It is just something that happens along the way. If you tell a man that “I want to get married,” he thinks: you and all these other leftover girls. If you tell a man that “I want to be a Good Wife,” and you really mean it (because people sense when you are lying, especially the men over 30 that you are likely meeting with), he gets out his phone to record the event, since nobody will believe him otherwise.

I think that even former turbo-sluts, with 100+ sexual partners, can be good wives, but only if it becomes their overriding goal and purpose. This is like an alcoholic who destroys his life, turns it around, and becomes cold sober and a model citizen. He never touches alcohol again, not because he doesn’t like booze, but because he does. These former sluts have lost their natural pair-bonding potential, but they can have a more rational and deliberate sort of pair-bonding, a mature love for their husbands. They can have perfect faithfulness, chastity and devotion for their husbands, because they have made a decision to do so, and stick to it like Ulysses tied to the mast, because they consider it their only hope and salvation in a world that they know is corrupt and fallen. They can be good wives because they make the decision to be good wives, and devote themselves to accomplishing that task, as if their life depended on it.

This is rare. And, it doesn’t happen by accident.

Remember, the goal is to actually be a good wife, not just say that you want to be a good wife, but fail miserably; or, even just forget that you said it at all. A Good Wife doesn’t say “I want to be a Good Wife” more than a few times in her life. What she says is: “I got up early and made breakfast for you.”

Plan to be a Good Mother. A woman who wants only to be a Good Wife may discover that she becomes a Good Girlfriend. She can be pleasant and fun within the context of a childless relationship. A man wants a Wife who will be the mother of his children. She must be a Good Mother. This takes a lot of effort. A woman needs to be prepared to take on this huge task, and to pour effort and energy into it. A lot of women might like to be married, and are even prepared to be Good Wives without the additional strains and demands of children, and then find that they were not mentally prepared at all to be Mothers; much less Good Mothers, which are rare these days. Confused and drained by the demands of child-raising (made far more difficult if she also works), she soon becomes a Bad Wife to her husband, who she blames for her puzzlingly unpleasant condition. She didn’t know that marriage was not an agreement for mutual amusement.

Many women may decide to be a Good Mother after they have children. This is a natural thing. But, it is rarer to find a woman who plans to be a Good Mother even before she is married. Image that you are on a date, and you tell a man that: “I want to be a Good Mother.” Then, you can list what you think this requires. This is a very different experience, for a man, than the woman who makes it clear that she just wants to be entertained while eating a meal that she doesn’t have to pay for.

Decide that you Won’t Get Divorced. I have seen some women whose own parents got divorced, and they dislike it so much that they make the decision to Not Get Divorced, no matter what. It is so easy for a woman to get divorced these days, and with many apparent incentives to do so (although she typically pays the price later), that a woman has to make a special effort to avoid this outcome. She should make this special effort before she gets married. Just decide: I Won’t Get Divorced.

Be willing to sign a prenup. Maybe, even suggest it. It will show that you are serious. Prenups are irrelevant if you don’t get divorced. So, what’s the problem?

If it really doesn’t work out well, then the rules of divorce are: don’t get divorced until the children are out of the house; don’t take any of your husband’s money or assets, but just walk out the door; have an amiable divorce without lawyers or courts involved; make a living on your own.

Be A Babe. There is so little competition these days, with a good 40% of women overweight and obese, and also many women who don’t make even a little effort to beautify themselves, that it is very easy for even an average woman to Be A Babe. For example:

This woman is around 32, and also, nothing special in terms of gifted genetics. She is an average girl. Her picture on the Right is what you get when you make a little effort. Her picture on the Left is, basically, her competition. She might not win a beauty contest, but she is enough of a Babe to be nearly any man’s wife. If you look like the girl on the Left, why should any man waste his time on you? Besides physical repulsion, it shows a lack of self-control and standards — in other words, bad character. A man whose wife looks like the girl on the Left soon discovers that his own children are Fugly too. In practice, an equal 40% of men are just as Fugly, and these men (if they don’t have compensating $$$) will be stuck with these women, and vice versa.

But, nobody is banished to Fugly-town, men or women. It is your own choice.

Plan to Have a Cheap Wedding. A “cheap wedding” looks like this. Maybe you have a ceremony in a church, or maybe somewhere else, like a beach or a park, or your parents’ backyard. Then, you have a party. This party consists of: your immediate family, maybe a few relatives (or not), and a few friends. It should not be more than about 25 people. Hold it at your parent’s house. Let your Mom and your Sister do the cooking. Buy a case of wine. Wear a nice dress, preferably white, preferably not too sexy. Have a good time. Spend no more than $2000 to get a hotel for a week somewhere that you can drive to, and enjoy being a married couple. The total cost, not including the honeymoon, should be under $1000; plus, possibly something for the church.

If you are looking forward to 40 years of Being a Good Wife, a modest wedding like this should be no problem. It will still be a lot of fun, and a whole lot less bother. If you tell a man that you plan to have a cheap wedding like this, he will understand that you are not one of those women (most of them, I think) with princess wedding fantasies; and also, that you will be a frugal wife who knows how to have a good time without spending a lot of money, and not given to princess fantasies after you are married.

I was reading in the comments section about a woman who did many of the things we talk about here. She married a decent, hard-working man, became a stay-at-home Mom, and took up homeschooling her three children. Her husband works in a middle-class sort of occupation, probably in the trades, and makes about $60,000 a year.

This is not much money for a family of five, but it is a common situation for many today. The woman said that she lives in a modest 1600sf house, and barely has a few dollars left at the end of the month.

What would I say to a woman like this?

Obviously, one solution is “make more money,” and maybe she could try a few things, perhaps starting a YouTube channel. I’ve suggested that a nice occupation for homeschoolers is homeschooling other people’s children. But, let’s look instead on the expenditure side.

Houses today tend to cost about $180/sf, so a 1600sf house would probably cost about $288,000. This is way too much for a $60,000 household income. They need to get that way down. The typical guideline is 3x income, so that’s 3x$60,000 or $180,000. But, that is the outer limit, so I would try to get way below that, perhaps around $120,000. At a similar $180/sf, that would mean about 670 square feet. I would look for a decent 670 square foot condo, in a decent neighborhood with decent neighbors. Location, location, location. I chose a location at random: Sarasota, FL, and saw what kind of condo you could get for $120,000. As expected, you can get 650-750 square feet, in a nice sort of place, which typically means one bedroom. Here is a 715 sf 1BR condo for sale at $105,000:

Not too shabby, right?

One bedroom for a family of five is not much; on the other hand, the monthly payments, including a mortgage, all taxes, insurance, HOA condo fees etc., is $813 a month. And, since it is a condo, you don’t have to do any yardwork or building maintenance, also saving time and energy. Utilities costs can be much, much cheaper. Since you would own this condo, you could potentially split the one bedroom into two somehow by adding a wall — probably an easy job for a husband who is a tradesman, even if that is not his specialty.

You can live well in these conditions. Here is a story about a family of four in 660 square feet in Brooklyn, NY — including a Home Office.

In the late 1940s, developer William Levitt produced neighborhoods of identical single-family houses in the suburbs of New York City. Levitt’s houses fit two bedrooms into 720 square feet. They were immensely popular with young families.

Since most people make an average amount of money, and we are promoting the Stay-At-Home Mom here, it is important to create a lifestyle that is sustainable. You are going to need a car too, probably, which means another $600 a month for that.

You can still make more money. In that case, you can just pay down your mortgage, and before too long, you will be free even of that (remember our purchase cost is only $105,000), which means that your expenses will decline too. Thus, you would have both more income and less expenses, which could be pretty pleasant.

Being willing to live like this is an important element of being a Good Wife. The fact of the matter is, not all men make a way-above-average income. You can live comfortably, and well, under these conditions. It is a far better outcome than being perpetually short of cash because you are trying to do the impossible.

Here is some commentary by Rod Dreher about a long piece by David Brooks about the end of the “Nuclear Family” in The Atlantic. The Atlantic is mostly Leftist brainwashing, so you have to be careful about these things. Nevertheless, the article by Brooks is not as bad as you think. Brooks argues that the Nuclear Family is a short-lived aberration from the long-term norm, which was the Extended Family. The Extended Family typically meant that grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins all lived close to each other, and often, grandparents lived with their children in old age. Brooks argues that the Nuclear Family, as an ideal, was a post-1950 notion. You could make a connection with “dating,” which we know mainly as a Postwar 1950s-era institution. It seems “traditional” but actually it was a short-term aberration that has shown no signs of long-term viability.

The Nuclear Family, in which there is a mother, father and children who live otherwise isolated, far from relatives, has many inherent difficulties; and this is doubly true when you add Working Moms. So many people without the support of Extended Family end up in trouble, because of circumstances, because of a lack of support available between family members, and because of bad choices made with little guidance. A Working Mom also necessitates Public School, or perhaps private schools for a lucky few who can afford them. So, you end up with Cultural Marxist brainwashed children — often, even the ones that go to private schools. As increasing numbers of people lack either Extended Families or Nuclear Families, they tend to look toward the government to provide alternatives in the form of socialist policies.

For now, it is hard enough to get young men and women to interest themselves in a Nuclear Family — to make that a priority, instead of something that you can add to your resume after a graduate degree, or just a necessary step toward the main goal, which is to win Cash and Prizes in divorce court and welfare benefits. But, I think there is a point here that the Nuclear Family is often not quite enough, and that you should either form connections with your biological Extended Family, or perhaps, create a network that serves like an Extended Family, which is not easy or it would be less rare than it is. This “network-creating” takes time and effort; while not having one also means that you are thrown on your own resources, i.e., your own time and effort. Either way, you should prioritize the Stay At Home Mom.

I believe in focusing on solutions, not problems. But, one of the problems is that people are still sitting on their asses. You can tell if you are sitting on your ass, because if you weren’t, it would be very obvious. For example, plenty of people complain about the education system, but only homeschoolers, and people who send their children to a few select alternative private schools and colleges, have actually got up off their ass.

Apparently, 30% of all women under 25 now identify as LGBTQ. This includes “bisexual,” which might include also a lot of girls who just want to be in the fashionable crowd. It compares to about 5% for women over 60. This is a sign that you better damn well get up off your ass.

Remember that “women under 25” includes basically all of the women who are in their prime window of marriage, 16-25.

It is easy to imagine the kind of talk this topic might generate. But, the goal is not talk, but action. Some young women will have to break from where the mainstream is going. They will be acutely aware of this. “Other women do this, but I will do that.” Also, older people, and parents especially, need to take some action if they are going to avoid these kinds of outcomes. These people will not only feel different, and think differently, they will do everything differently, just as homeschoolers are not just public schoolers with funny thoughts. Homeschoolers do everything differently. Certainly, the fraction of people who will do this is small. But, just as with homeschoolers, if only 2-3% of people do something differently, they soon find that 2-3% of everybody is still millions and millions of people, and quickly makes a huge community.

Unfortunately, I think that MGTOW is contributing to these trends. Many older men are telling younger men that they should avoid marriage. There are a lot of good reasons for this, and it is actually good advice, broadly speaking, to avoid marrying the majority of women today. But, you can have a rational view of the present state of most women today, and the present legal standing of men, and still be a supporter of marriage and family, in principle even if not in practice with most women. In other words, MGTOW for Marriage.

A commenter, who is a Catholic woman under 25, said:

But I have seen an increasing number of women swear off dating, swear off marriage, swear off kids, and especially, swear off men, in the last several years. (I’ve also seen the other side, where many women are decrying the lack of decent men to date, or decent men to marry, but that’s a whole other discussion) The Anti-Men crowd, in my honest opinion, is a new wave of Neo-Feminism that not only wants to ‘crush the patriarchy’ but also wants to be able to move in a circle where men are not just optional, they’re completely unnecessary. These New Feminists are also increasingly gender-fluid, and welcome (with open arms) male-to-female Trans Rights Activists into their ranks.

This is a sort of WGTOW stance. I have warned that women are basically incapable of leadership (Matriarchy Does Not Exist), and they take their guidance from others, especially men. They are hearing that Men want to go their own way, and conclude naturally that they too should be planning for a life lived alone. They are actually doing what men are telling them to do. That is why I think that we should take seriously all the problems leading men to rationally conclude that they should not marry the majority of women available today, under today’s legal situation, and then say: Women Should Behave Like This, and the Laws Should Be Changed Like This, because Family Is Important. Women will hear this, and they will change their behavior (some of them), and also add some support to changes in the laws. Because, women do what you tell them to.

Get Up Off Your Knees
Get Your Patriarchy On
Tell The Bitches What To Do

Christmas is “date night” in Buddhist Japan. Here we have Moe, a wife and mother, dressing up for her husband Moto for Christmas dinner. Moe is a Level 5 Housewife in the realm of Japanese traditional dress. Here she is taking the evening off in Western wear. Unlike 10/10 girls in the West, where Hot=Crazy, and also Lazy, Dream Babes in Japan often make good wives too.

Western wear is fine for fooling around, but things get serious when the Kimono come out.

Her kimono here are spectacular, but also quite modest, as appropriate for a married woman out in the city.

The Greeks and Romans did not have morality as part of their religion. The “religion” of the Greeks and Romans includes stuff like this:

Zeus takes the form of a swan, and rapes/seduces Leda, the wife of King Tyndareus of Sparta. She bears two children from this, Helen and Polydeuces. Later, at a feast, Zeus is asked to declare which goddess is fairest, among Hera, Athena and Aphrodite. Zeus apparently perceives that he might be in some trouble whatever his answer is, so he asks a Trojan prince, Paris, to judge between them. Paris looks at the three goddesses and declares that he can’t decide with their clothes on. So, the three goddesses get naked before him, and also make promises to Paris if he chooses them. Hera offers to make him king of Europe and Asia. Athena offers her wisdom and skill in war. Aphrodite offers him the world’s most beautiful woman. Paris takes up Aphrodite’s offer. The world’s most beautiful woman is Helen, the half-bird girl, who is now married to Menelaus, King of Sparta. Paris goes to Sparta and (with Aphrodite’s assistance) “rapes” (seduces) Helen, who goes off to Troy with Paris. This begins the nine-year Trojan War, in which Troy is reduced to ashes, and its citizens slaughtered. Aeneas, prince of Troy, escapes the burning city, wanders the Mediterranean for a while, and eventually ends up in Italy, where he founds the city of Rome.

Leda and the Swan. 16th century copy after a lost painting by Michelangelo.

From this, you can get an idea of why Christianity replaced this pagan gobbledygook in the fourth century.

Because the Greek/Roman religion was so inadequate for an advanced civilization, the morality of Greece and Rome was often found among the philosophers, which did not have much connection to religion. However, in the Christian tradition, the morality of the society is integrated into the teachings of the Church. As Church involvement has declined, this has left many young women today, and also their mothers, without much guidance.

This is an introduction to a short new book by Lori Alexander, called Biblical Womanhood — a Study Guide. It is only $1.95 in Kindle version.

Buy Biblical Womanhood, a Study Guide, by Lori Alexander.