Over time, I’ve come to appreciate that what most young people need today is not “dating,” but social situations that are sub-dating. Basically, group get-togethers of some sort. For one thing, it is very easy to invite someone to a group get-together. It is pretty hard, for most men, to try to wrangle a date out of someone you meet on the street, or is the barest acquaintance. But, it is easy to invite them to a party where there might be 30 people.

Here is my advice for young single people, in college or afterwards.

Plan on regular get-togethers of some sort, typically of about 6-10 people. If you are a guy, aim for a little skew towards women — for example, with 9 people, 5 women and 4 men. When I was in college, we had weekly dinners. There would be a constant rotation of regulars and new friends. I think it was on a Wednesday, which didn’t conflict with weekend plans. This costs time and money. I would make invites free for first-timers, but expect regulars to contribute $20 or so. Probably, over time, you can allow some of the regulars to take over a night or two. We had a lot of fun with this.

I do not like potlucks much, although it can be a way to arrange a big event (20+ people) pretty easily. Make sure that there are tables and chairs for everyone, and proper dishware and glasses. No eating on the sofa. No paper and plastic. Used dishware is super cheap these days, and it would be easy to acquire dishware for 50 if you want to do that kind of event.

You could also have cocktail parties from time to time. I would aim for about two a month, with about thirty guests (depending on the size of your abode). Same mix of regulars and first-timers. I would insist on formal dress (women in dresses and heels; men with jackets; no t-shirts, jeans or sneakers), and have a proper bar with proper mixed drinks, in proper glasses. No red plastic cups. Trade around the bartending duties in 30 minute shifts. Make a menu of cocktails for that evening (and recipes for the bartenders). Again, I would ask for regulars to donate about $20, and free for first-timers.

Even if you are butt-ugly, you can probably get people to come to your party. Here’s a good example.

You can expand this to other sorts of events, such as a BBQ picnic, day at the beach, afternoon of sledding, etc.

I would make an effort to talk with everyone that comes — at least, everyone you would like to get to know.

Over time, you could expand further to weekend trips — a camping or backpacking trip, a canoe trip, a ski trip, a road trip, a museum trip, etc.

Don’t expect people to reciprocate. They will not set up their own dinners and invite you. But, they would probably contribute money, and help out in various ways, if you ask them.

Of course, everyone who comes should give you their contact info so they can be invited to future events. Or, get it if they say they are interested in coming. This is so easy.

I liked this.

Here’s Kevin Samuels, stating that Dating Doesn’t Work for Modern Women.

He makes a number of interesting points here. One of them is, women simply cannot, or do not, make good decisions about choosing men. It seems that those men who have the most firsthand experience in these things, who have seen the most, come to the same conclusion. Women are inherently self-destructive. It doesn’t even make much sense to teach or train women to be less self-destructive, because by the time they finally have the interest and motivation to do so (around the Epiphany Phase, Age 27), too much time has been lost and too much damage has been done.

Even the best of women, who really do want to get married and start having babies before Age 25, can easily drift off toward the right side of this chart over a decade of “dating,” and end up as single as when they began.

We saw that RooshV came to the same conclusion.

Only a woman with an exceptional upbringing can resist alcohol, social networking, and university brainwashing, and for the women who can initially resist it, she will surely succumb after enough time and pressure. It is in this way that AWALT is true: all women who face corrupt influences in their lives will become corrupt and behave in a similar way that degrades their virtue, making them unsuitable for long-term partnerships. But if AWALT is true in describing the universal fall of women in the presence of toxic influences, it must also be true that they possess universal purity in environments which lack bad influences that attack her virtue.

This is why women lived at their fathers’ house until marriage. They got married young. In Pride and Prejudice (1813), which describes upper-class conventions in a healthy Christian society, the heroine Elizabeth Bennet is somewhat apologetic that she is not yet married at Age 20. In the famous 1995 A&E series, Elizabeth and Darcy do not kiss until after their wedding ceremony. The process of courtship is tightly overseen by parents — both in generating opportunities to meet (in this case, dances and house visits), and shunning inappropriate suitors (the charming but corrupt Wickham).

Today, most women are really not fit to be wives and mothers. In this, they are encouraged by the legal system, which, through divorce law and related laws such as the Duluth Model of domestic violence, promotes the destruction of families. Men today look at the two previous generations of men, who tried to make a go of it despite these dangers. Too many of them ended up getting their guts ripped out. Today, most women simply aren’t gonna make it, against the constant disintegrating influence of media, social media, dating apps and the like. As bad as it was in the past, it is far worse now. Men today say: Not me, thanks.

Someone brought up this point to Lori Alexander, the Transformed Wife. Lori is, naturally, in favor of marriage and family, as we are here too. Although I didn’t find the post, as I remember, her response was something like:

During their time of bondage under the Pharaoh [in the era of Moses] the ancient Israelites maintained strong families and had lots of children. They kept their ancient teachings, maintained their religion and ethnic identity, and taught their children good behavior. Eventually, after centuries of slavery, they escaped captivity, and migrated to the Promised Land.

The first response might be: “That’s not exaaaaactly what I was talking about.”

But, the second response might be: “That’s true, as bad as things are today, they were worse then. But, by maintaining a strong family and community, in the face of a government that was the worst imaginable, the ancient Israelites survived and eventually prospered.”

Today, although divorce laws lead many women to destroy their own families, or make life so miserable for their husbands (via divorce threats and other means) that other men today decide that marriage is too unrewarding to contemplate, nevertheless, some women do not do that. They could do that, but they do not.

In other words, women today still can choose to be good wives and mothers, and do that, even though most women won’t. Some women don’t blow up their families and make their husbands miserable, although most women do. Some women are good mothers to their plentiful children, although most women are not.

In the past, these “good wives and mothers” were something of a matter of luck. It was not quite something that people did intentionally. It just sort of happened, as a result of a woman’s character, upbringing and prior history.

But, today, I don’t think that is enough to go on. A man, and a woman, should go about things more intentionally, to have some principle or goal to cling to, so that they won’t be blown about by the constant pressure of media, social media, etc.

Male leadership will be important. A young man should say: I want to find a woman who will participate in a specific project, which is to have a strong family and raise strong children, in the middle of an environment of degeneracy, where most people will slide slowly into a swamp of depravity. I need to have a woman that could take advantage of divorce courts to blow up her family; but will not. And, a woman that could abandon her children to be raised by TikTok, Netflix and the public school, but will not.

Mostly, these young men will not find women who have already adopted some kind of commitment along these lines. They will be somewhat sloppy and unformed, probably with at least some leftist brainwashing. But, if she is young, pretty and a virgin, maybe you can work with it. Just tell her what your plan is, and see if she wants to take part.

Fathers can teach their daughters to find men with these goals in mind. But, don’t dilly dally. Find such men, and then marry your daughters off quickly. 18-20 is a good age for marriage. Because, if a strong marriage and family is your goal, then what are you waiting around for? Some people will say: “Yes, I agree with all that, but I also want my daughter to get a degree in engineering and travel the world, before doing all that.” This is not serious. Only serious people are going to make it.

“The Duluth Model” is a phrase that doesn’t mean much to most people.

Here is a story from SigmaFrame that described what this code word means.

Unfortunately, we will have to live with these conditions for at least a while longer.

How shall we react? The potential responses for men are:

Don’t live with women. They are just too dangerous. Even if they don’t mean any particular harm, they can do a lot of harm anyway. The present legal environment has taken women’s natural tendency toward chaos and amplified it extravagantly.

Take some kind of action to remedy this legal structure. Write letters to your State congressmen. Write letters to your County or Local governments, sheriffs and police chiefs. They don’t actually get much feedback, and often they really do read your letters. I would put some “educational” material in the letter. For example, you can have a one-paragraph statement of your position: “The Duluth Model is a disaster for families and should be abandoned.” Then, you can have some supporting material for anyone who wants to read further. For example, you can just cut and paste this “Frozen peas” story. Yes, you can do that. This is not school. You can just cut and paste. Look for organizations that take action against this sort of thing, at the local, State and National levels. Give them a little money. I suggest $25.

Every woman that can fog a mirror is going to have some kind of: “Well you should just not do those things that make women angry!” response. But, most men are already too careful as it is. Instead, I would try to educate your woman about the potential dangers that the family faces, if she ever calls the police for any reason. Tell her what she is likely to hear from her friends and family: “Toss him under the bus! He’s abuuuuuuusive!” Unfortunately, many women are almost ineducable. They are stubborn dim bulbs. But, you can take some steps.

Today, we will have to Take A Stand with the better 30% or so of women. Usually, they are not too hard to identify. Form families and have children with these women. At least, pass them on to someone else who will. You still have the Other 70% who are basically “for the streets.” Have fun and be careful.

Women should also read this story. This is what we face today. By “we” I mean not only men, but families, or husbands and wives. The police will blow up your family on a whim even if you never intended that, if you give them a little premise to do so. There are all kinds of incentives today for women to blow up their own families, even by accident. This is not very healthy. But, even despite the existence of these incentives, some women act on them, and some do not. There are a lot of women who do not get divorced, and do not use the threat of easy divorce, even though they could. These are known as “good wives.” Is it possible to be a Good Wife, and also do this? Obviously, not. So, don’t do it. If you are not willing to abstain from this stuff, despite the incentives offered, then no man should marry you. You are unfit for marriage, in the difficult environment we now have today.

It’s OK to be Unfit For Marriage. But, if you are Unfit, then don’t get married or have children. Go have a good time.

Today, there are the Damned and the Saved. Some women will work to preserve their families even despite the many influences blowing up other women’s families everywhere, usually due to the woman’s own actions. Either you are one of those Good Wives, or you are not.

Suzelle Poole is not really 100 years old. Wikipedia lists her birth year as 1940. But, she still dances well here, making the argument that dancing is the ultimate workout for women.

Is it OK if I say that this 82-year-old woman also has a great body?

Met her husband at Age 13 (he was 18). Married at Age 21/26. First child at Age 22, 12 months after the wedding.

Women got married at Age 18-20 because they were making googly eyes at Age 13.

The pattern through history has been for men to commonly marry around Age 25-35, and women Age 16-25. For those women who are going to Take A Stand With the Family, start looking for 25+ men at Age 16. For those men who are looking for good wives, start looking for 16+ women around Age 25.

I think a lot of young men today probably lack basic social skills. These are skills — like hitting a tennis ball. You can get better at them. One easy way to interact with a lot of women is to set up group events of some kind. Go to the beach. Go on a picnic. Have a dinner, or a barbecue, or a pool party. That sort of thing. Think of things with four to ten people, occasionally more but that usually requires a lot of planning.

When I was in college, I used to do a lot of whitewater kayaking. In those days, and also today, kayaking was 95% men. It is often cold, dangerous, and uncomfortable. We would often drive long distances to rivers on the weekends, and maybe stay overnight, usually camping since we didn’t have the money to stay in motels. We traveled to rivers in Quebec, Maine, New York, North Carolina, Georgia, West Virginia, Pennsylvania and elsewhere. This was fun, but having every weekend “with the guys” did get a little old. It was a tradeoff.

Years later, we realized that we could have just bought some rafts, and invited some girls along with us. It would have been a ton of fun. The serious kayakers would still kayak, but there were always some people in our group who would have been happier as a raft pilot. It seemed like there was always someone with a bad shoulder who couldn’t kayak, but could handle a raft paddle. Then, you could just stuff the raft with girls. In bikinis. And then, camp out.

For some reason, we didn’t think of this.

Another thing we did, in college, was to have weekly dinners for 8-10 people. We would have a constant rotation of regulars and new friends. It’s easy to invite people to an event like that. Low stress.

At these events, make an effort to talk with all the women. Just chitchat for a while.

I think this Twitter thread does describe a large cohort of young women, especially in the 18-22 range. You might have to hang around the college campus to find them.

We are going to have to make a stand somewhere, with at least the Top 30% of women. Probably, if you get them early before they are corrupted, 50% of women would be OK.

Most any woman who is slim, white, has long hair, dresses nicely (but no makeup necessary), no noserings, blue hair or face tattoos, age 18-21, is probably a 6+/10 and likely an 8/10. It is really not that competitive these days.

Today, your average 7/10 “nice guy” is basically invisible. But, maybe that is true of the average 7/10 “nice girl” too.

Here’s a nice 7/10 girl, slim, long hair, no makeup, who also happens to be Gwyneth Paltrow.

all the dating discourse on this app by men only applies to attractive women, because other women functionally don’t exist to them. there’s an entire class of women who are basically invisible to men (thread)

— Freia (@moonbeamdreams_) September 7, 2022

All the dating discourse on this app by men only applies to attractive women, because other women functionally don’t exist to them. there’s an entire class of women who are basically invisible to men (thread) 

i’m friends with a sweet Christian girl, works on a farm and goes to school with me. we lift weights together. thin, white, long hair, but not the most attractive face. you guys would probably give her a 4 on an average day, 5 if she did her hair and makeup. 

she’s traditional and wants a family and kids, but she’s never had a bf. she’s never even been asked out. all the dates she’s been on are ones she set up herself, and none worked out. she’s not antisocial. she meets plenty of men, but none of them see her as a prospect. 

i know so many girls in her boat. another traditional Christian girl who’s majoring in accounting, slightly aspie linguistics major who loves knitting and archery, athletic sourdough-baking girl with a dry sense of humor and easy smile, shy taiwanese CS major in my choir. 

they all come to me for dating advice, and i can’t give them anything better than encouragement and platitudes. they could looksmaxx a bit—replace glasses with contacts, wear makeup, etc. but they’re all thin and take good care of themselves so there’s just not much they can do. 

what do you do if you’re not even getting approached, ever? or maybe it’s happened once in your life and the guy wasn’t attractive to you? i wish i had answers for them.

it is brutal out there for plain, slightly nerdy girls on a college campus. they all want relationships, they would all make good wives, but they’re not even dating. they can’t even find baseline *mutual attraction* with any guy, let alone that plus values/goals compatibility 

i’d imagine these types are the bulk of girls who end up single at 30, not girls who partied too much in their 20s and “hit the wall”. people like that story because then it’s someone’s fault there’s a way for her to avoid that fate. 

what happens to girls like my friends? what should they do? this is a genuine question. if any of you have advice i can pass along to them i will.