From The Life of Greece, by Will Durant.

“Grey Divorce,” among couples over Age 60 and typically after the children have left the house, has been rising.

I am seeing personally a new pattern of strongly family-oriented men leaving their wives, over Age 60, basically because “I’m not haaaappy.” Often, they have good reason to not be happy. Their feminist wives still think, even after 30+ years of marriage, that being a pest and constant aggravation is some kind of feminist accomplishment. They are still playing the “you have to do half the housework” game even after being stay-at-home wives for 30 years. They are still seeing what they can get from withholding sex. But, I think also that there have been a number of very good wives, whose husbands get a little restless after the child-raising duties are done.

Often, these couples have a lot of new free time together, and they find that they don’t have much in common. A man has been busy at work, perhaps managing a major organization. His wife, with the kids out of the house ten years ago, has been playing video games and chatting with her girlfriends. His wife, accustomed to her freedom during the day, might not know what to do with her husband back in the house after retirement.

Naturally, these divorces are very disruptive, financially and also for the adult children, and grandchildren.

Generally, I find these stories rather sad. Usually, I think these men would be better off sticking with their wives, especially if their wives have really done nothing wrong (as these men will usually admit freely). If a man is feeling restless, maybe he should ask his wife if she would accept a concubine of some sort. If it is discreet, does not shame her, and does not result in problems (bastard children, diseases, financial commitments), some sensible wives might find that is the best solution.

Otherwise, a man might make peace with the idea that his wife is not really the daylong companion she was when you were both in your mid-twenties. If a man does not have specifically the ambition to pursue other women (at Age 60+ maybe it is best to be a little realistic), then it is usually possible to find some kind of working arrangement. Go out and have fun, do your thing, and have her cook something for dinner and keep house.

“Submission” means something like an employee’s relationship with her employer. It means cooperating in a shared endeavor, a family instead of a corporation. Today, millions of women “submit” to their employers, but for some reason are irate at the idea of “submitting” to their husband. Part of the reason for this is that the woman is already, in effect, “married” (in submission to) her employer. She doesn’t need another husband. Her employer is already, in effect, her “leader.” If not an employer exactly, often it is her “career,” or the idea of a career, that is her “leader.”

It is perhaps easiest to understand the opposite of “submission.” Basically, it is rebellion, or at least, independence. Just try to be rebellious, or “independent,” with your employer. “Oh I didn’t feel like it today. You can’t tell me what to do!” That is fine, but there is then no reason for an employer/employee relationship — or, a marriage.

Perhaps, if not quite “submissive” toward her husband (maybe her husband just doesn’t give her much guidance,) then a woman can be “submissive” toward the idea of a wife and mother, instead of an employee and career. She can do what she thinks a good wife and mother should do, even if her husband does not exactly ask this of her. She can take an interest in cooking good food for the family, even if her husband never asked her to. But, she should still cook him something that he likes. He should feel like he is benefiting from this, not being told to eat something he doesn’t like much.

When there is a highly able woman, and perhaps a lackadaisical sort of husband, a woman can get his permission, approval and consent for things that she would like to do.

“Honey, let’s go to the beach for vacation this summer. How about the second week of July?”

“Works for me.”

“OK, great!”

The woman gets what she wants. The husband does little more than nod consent. But, nevertheless, the husband makes the decision.

But, can’t you have a “50:50 marriage?” A “marriage of equals?” A “partnership?” Nope. Because, eventually you are going to disagree about something. Then what? There has to be some decision-making process. A woman can be persuasive, but eventually, the man has to make the decision. The reason for this is simple: a woman wants leadership, and will never respect a man that lets her make the decisions. This can be confusing for men. Because, when two men get together, it is expected that they will act as something like a partnership of equals. A man doesn’t expect to get his way all the time, and make all the decisions, unless there is a clear status of leader/subordinate. There is compromise. But, what works for two men, and could work for a man and a woman in some non-marriage relationship, doesn’t work for marriage, because women hate it.

You can see this, for example, in the apparently universal desire of women for men to establish all the particulars of a date, preferably (it seems) without actually consulting the woman. For a man, this seems daffy. If a man gets together with another man, it goes something like this:

“Hey Jeff, do you want to do something today? How about going fishing?”

“Great to hear from you Steve. Actually, I just got back from a fishing trip, so I’m kinda fished-out for now. But it seems like a nice day to go sailing. I checked the weather and the wind should be good after 2pm.”

“Alright, let’s go sailing then. We haven’t done that since forever.”

With a woman, it’s:

“Hey Cathy, let’s get together and do something sometime. What sort of thing do you like to do?”

“You are so indecisive, you’re driving me nuts! Can’t you make a decision?”

With women, you have to Tell Her What To Do:

“I’m thinking about going to the beach on Saturday, around 1pm. Why don’t you join me.”

“Well, I don’t like the beach much, but OK!”

“How about if you make a lunch for us. Be ready for me to pick you up at 12:30.”

For example, it is common today for a man to have some troublesome wife who insists on having her way. A man makes a concession just to bring an end to the constant strife and contention. But, a woman then perceives this man as being weak and spineless. He is not weak and spineless, he just doesn’t think it is worth arguing about. But, that is a woman’s perception.

There’s a book about that: The Surrendered Wife.

“Surrendered” basically means “submissive.” You can say “surrendered” if you want to.

A common idea today is the “50:50 Marriage.” Basically what this means is: When we agree, then you can have it your way, but when we disagree, then we do things my way.

Har!

When a woman is not submissive, or a “wife,” she tends to be overbearing, or basically the role of a “mother.” A man doesn’t tell another man what to do, unless he needs to as part of the organization of the group, to achieve a group effort. He might make some suggestions, some helpful insight or criticism, but a man respects another man’s independence. He is not a child; and even if he is acting childishly, he is not your child. It is not something you have to trouble yourself about. At no time does a man act like another man’s mother, or father, treating that man like his child. When Julius Caesar led Rome’s armies into Gaul, did he act like their mother? Did he treat them like children?

But, when a woman is allowed to make decisions, she then tends to treat her husband like a child. This is very irritating to men, and also, women hate it, because she instantly perceives that her husband is “acting like a child” although actually he is just letting her have her way to stop the endless bickering and contention. A woman insists on managing the monthly bills, so a man lets her do it. She then assumes that he can’t do it (like a child), when of course he can do it, but he isn’t because she insists on doing it herself.

The final reason why women should not lead the family is that women have bad judgement. They lack analysis and foresight. Matriarchy Does Not Exist. Yes, there are some women that have better analysis and foresight than some men. But, mostly, women are clueless. They are still trying to figure out that 90% of the women can’t marry 10% of the men. Apparently, they will never figure it out. That is why men need to Tell Women What To Do.

Often, women complain that men their age are disturbingly immature, or just not interested in marriage, at that time. Or, maybe they are just not financially secure enough to maintain a family with a stay-at-home wife.

Women wait … and wait … and wait … and then, finally, perhaps around Age 32, men are ready to marry; or, if they are not quite interested in marriage, at least they are attractive marriage partners for women. But, then they are interested in younger women. Because, a woman of 30 has a number of problems; among them, what the heck has she been doing over the past 15 years?

Basically, this arises from the notion, among women, that men should be about the same age as them at marriage, or a couple years older. This seems to arise from high school/college. It’s fine if you actually find a man around your age that is a good fit for marriage. But, if you don’t, then look for older men, probably around Age 28-35, and maybe up to 40.

Historically, women got married around Age 16-25, and men around Age 26-35. This was true in the days of Ancient Greece, and also, most of Christian European history.

There were times when men got married younger. These were generally times when a man under Age 25 could support a wife and family. In US history, where there was plenty of unused land, a young man could set up a small farm beginning around Age 18, and maybe get married around Age 22. Or, in the 1950s, a man could get a good union job at Age 18.

Another possibility was the “patriarchal estate,” where a farm or other business was basically a multi-generational project. A farm or business would have three generations living under the same roof and working at the same farm or business. Then, a young man would live at the family house, and bring in a new wife.

More recently, the trend for men and women to be about the same age at marriage, or maybe about two years older for the man, arises largely from the public school system. In the past, before 1940, most Americans went to work (typically an apprenticeship) after eighth grade. High school, and then commonly college, was a post-1950 phenomenon. Mandatory public high school was largely a consequence of the elimination of child labor in 1939. Now women are “in school” from Ages 16-21, most of their 16-25 window, exclusively with men around the same age, and away from older men.

Before then, a young woman lived at her parents’ house. She was “debuted into society” (declared available for marriage) around Age 16. This was accompanied by dances and other get-to-know-you events, with eligible men of all ages.

This woman talks about taking XX years to get financially established enough to have children. By then, she is too old to actually have the children. It was the man’s job to get financially established, and then he could marry at Age 30. His wife could just show up with her womb, and a few basic homemaking skills.

Feminism fails again. You had it so easy girls!

Recently, Estee Williams has been kicking sand in the face of career girls. Har!

She will have a lot more to do with three children.

Recently, there is a cohort of Stay At Home Dads, who do all the duties that Stay At Home Moms used to do.

Probably they didn’t plan on this. But, with children came a lot more work than they could handle while both working. Maybe the wife was making a lot more money, or the husband lost his job, or his wife got a new job that required a move to a new city, or maybe his wife just refused to quit working even though he asked her to.

Anyway, they became full-time Stay At Home Dads. They do all the normal stuff. Plus, they do all the “guy stuff” too — repairing and maintaining the home, taking care of the cars, taking out the trash, doing yardwork.

They discovered that this is very easy.

They make breakfast for the wife and kids. With their children in school (commonly), everyone is out of the house by 9am. There is about two hours a day of housework — cleaning, vacuuming, yardwork, grocery shopping, laundry, etc. They do all the cooking in the evening. When you cook every day, it doesn’t take long before these guys become junior Gordon Ramsays and Emeril Lagrasses. They think this is a lot of fun.

But, between 11am and about 5pm, they have a ton of free time. They have a good time with this. They go mountain biking, they play tennis, they hang out with their friends, they do their hobbies.

It is a very cushy life for them.

When their wives get home from work, everything is in proper order and a great meal is on the table.

At no point do they ever complain about their cushy lifestyle, or ask their wife to “do their share of the housework.” They never complain that their wife “is never around.”

Since they can get everything done during the week, during the weekend they mostly just play with the kids.

Of course, their wives hate this.

Apparently this is becoming common:

This is very dumb, but it seems like young women in particular can’t figure anything out (Matriarchy Does Not Exist), so we have to spell it out for them.

A woman’s physical attractiveness is primarily due to three factors:

1. Diet. This means what you eat (food quality), not how much (calories). Single-ingredient foods. No processed foods.
2. Exercise. Get some exercise.
3. Beautification. Basic beauty skills. Nice clothes and a good hairstyle. Makeup is not really necessary. No tattoos, noserings, blue hair, ugly short hair, etc.

This is true for women whether they have children or not. A 35yo mother of four children who does these things, will look better than a 35yo childless woman who does not.

Recently we looked at MacKenzie Scott-Formerly-Bezos, who gave birth to three children (and adopted another). She was 23 when she married Jeff Bezos. Here she is in her mid-forties:

Paulina Porizkova, who, if there was a Guinness World Record for best body at Age 56 would be the winner, is a mother of two. She married at Age 24 and remained married for thirty years, until her husband died. Her first child was born when she was 28.

At age 42 in this 2022 performance, ballerina Svetlana Zakharova’s body is so dance-honed it is almost alien. She has one daughter, born when she was 32.

But I think that we are not quite talking about bodies alone here.

When a woman has children, she loses sexual appeal. She has baggage and complications. She is supposed to be married. Or, she is a single mom. She is thinking about childcare, not mating. She has better things to do than be too concerned about how she looks to other single men. Pretty soon, she is over 30 and then, over 35. This is a troubling notion to a lot of young women these days, who really are addicted to social media validation. Getting married and having children should mean shutting all that off.

Basically, it is the transition from Maiden to Mother.

Today, just as women want to keep their economic independence, so to they want to keep their sexual potential. They want to, at any time, go back to being an economically independent Maiden. Of course the clock is ticking on this. They need to cash in their potential for reality.

Many women do lose it after they have their first child. Many gain a lot of weight during pregnancy — not pregnancy weight but plain obesity — because they get even less exercise, and end up snacking on junk food all day for nine months. But, that is just sloppiness. If you want to regain a fit body after pregnancy, it doesn’t take that long.

And, you can just be beautifully pregnant. Your husband won’t mind.

Women: Egg Freezing is some kind of sick joke. Just don’t do it. Have children, or do not, but don’t bother with egg freezing.

A world of pain awaits.

Published IVF success rates are deliberately misleadingly stated by fertility clinics, where conceptions, *not* live births, are successes

~ 40% IVF cycles result in embryonic arrest, so you need multiple cycles (about $10k per) even before that: https://t.co/qF7D2xqps5 pic.twitter.com/ZuiFRnPtkn

— ib (@lndian_Bronson) April 11, 2023

I think there is a cohort of mostly upper-income professional women who become voluntary single mothers, from a sperm donor.

A better path would be “natural insemination.” For one thing, you can choose the father more reliably. For another, it a lot cheaper and also more fun. Elon Musk has the right idea here. Good genes.

I know men with an IQ of 160+ ( 1 in 10,000+ level), and probably in the top 10% for looks too. They should have more children. Fifty seems like a good number.

This would require some legal means of formally removing the father from any child support responsibilities. I think an upper-income woman can probably find an adequate legal solution. The existing adoption laws might work. Basically, you would adopt your own child; or, the father would “put the child up for adoption.”

Lolo Jones, former Olympic athlete and professed virgin, is still single at 40. She gets a lot of flack for this. I find it rather unfortunate. Here is a woman with a lot of virtues: a virgin, among them, looks good, many fine character traits, and apparently enthusiastic about marriage and family. This would put her in the top class of Wifey women, except perhaps for her age. Someone should have stepped up for that one. While I think we have to accept these days that perhaps 70% of women are not fit for marriage, we should Take A Stand with the Top 30% that are, and this would certainly include Lolo Jones, at least an under-35 Lolo.

Here she was in the past:

For a woman that is a hurdler, and bobsledder (thus the shoulders), and not specifically an IG model, that’s pretty good.

I’m sure we could have a long list of “things she did wrong,” including “too picky.” Obviously, something must have gone wrong. But it was probably not being “too picky,” or not just that. Mostly, I think, an incompatibility with the “dating” path to marriage, and being a virgin. She would need a man that would marry her without kissing first.

On the bright side, if you are that kind of guy, maybe you could have married the younger Lolo Jones.

Lori Alexander writes that high-achieving professional women are complaining (do they ever stop complaining?) that happy marriage has become elusive for them.

“Getting a top job dramatically increases women’s chances of divorce, even in egalitarian countries. Why isn’t it the same for men? Having a successful and enjoyable career alongside a fulfilling romantic relationship is a life goal for many of us. But even in the most gender-equal countries, finding a partnership that lasts is trickier for high-flying women than men…Female medical doctors, police officers and priests who progressed in their careers also followed the trend.” (Source)

Don’t you love the language here? Among women with a bachelor’s degree, divorce is initiated by women 90% of the time. I would guess that the effective initiation rate is higher than 90%, maybe 95%. In other words, divorce arises from womens’ bad behavior perhaps 95% of the time, even if men are the legal initiators (men get sick of their crap).

Nevertheless, it’s always someone else’s fault. Not theirs. In other words, Matriarchy Does Not Exist. Even among this select group of high-earning, highly capable women, we find the perennial failure to take any responsibility. The only odd thing, at this point, is that men still expect women to act like men. They won’t.

“Finding a partnership that lasts is trickier…” As if it was something rare that had to be found “out there.” The statistics suggest that men are the instigators of divorce perhaps 10% of the time. Since the divorce rate among college-educated women is about 35%, that would mean women have a 35%*10%=3.5% risk of divorce based on mens’ actions. In other words, a 96.5% success rate. They would have a good deal, if they didn’t screw it up.

Why would divorce risk increase when a woman “gets a top job” (has a career advancement)? Since it is women initiating these divorces, this means that a high-earning woman becomes more likely to initiate a divorce. I think we all know the answers to that.

We’ve seen that, even back in the 1990s, about 43% of high-earning corporate women failed to get married in the first place. This was when 92% of White women got married. 57% did get married, but that will be lower going forward, probably under 40%. Then, we have more of these higher-earning women then divorcing. What a shitshow! No wonder men don’t want to marry these women.

If you are a high-earning married woman, get a housekeeper.

If you are a brainy, capable woman, find a man that makes decent dough, stay at home, and have a lot of children. Your genes are more valuable than anything you could do in an office.